From my mind to the world

So I thought about calling friends yesterday, and instead out of the blue Tish called and Keith called and that was pleasant.

Did three turns around the upper park with Jeff yesterday. Suzanne has come and gone and the bathrooms are shinier.

My bloodwork came back and while my kidneys aren’t exactly failing, all the numbers are seriously out of whack; this accounts for my lack of appetite and powerful urge to be unconscious most of the day I reckon. Since the only change that will make any difference is diet, I feel like I’ll never eat anything good again in my life and just have to suffer through this ongoing mania for calories and tastiness by eating things that ARE NOT TREATS. I had a hardcooked egg and a salad for breakfast. I don’t know what else I can do.

Sent 1350 words off to mOm yesterday.

I’m supposed to go to Paul’s in a couple of hours. I feel wretched, and poopy.

New Poem It Is a Source of Constant Surprise

When I think of the way I used to think about you, it’s a rebuke 

to the mundane way I think of you now. 

In those days you were an apparition

fantastical goat god and that brief relief from diapers 

and the portable midden of culture that is this holy shit quotidian. 

Our ancestors, ringed ‘round us like eyes in firelight

are amazed at our carts and our flying machines

the little man in the phone

and the big man on the ceiling

who can put carriages in the firmament that carry messages here and there.

They in their silence convey stupefaction nor can they believe our dailyness

feeding our carts with an elixir of monsters from the centre of the earth

so they can go fast in careful rows 

They don’t suss the wonder of combustion while understanding very well

the long footrest makes it go. 

My contemporaries on this earth have worn through novelty 

come out on the side where all the natural dirt is;

all the glacial rocks flensed from the hide of our mother

ground down into grit are beautiful

mostly because they don’t have any fucking plastic in them. 

And yes, I am still thinking of you; you are an overhead projection in my life

I’ll look up and there’s a different quote, since you are that quotable

projected on the ceiling. The next time I look it will be different, as you will be.

Back then you were always the same, and that just isn’t true any more.

feeling pregnant

I don’t know if it will be a story, a song, a rant, a poem or a drawing but it’s not gas even if it must vent sooooon.

I have something creative in me that has to come out … is what I mean to say. This is a something creative that is not making a batch of cinnamon buns, which I did yestreen.

Today I bleached most of the coffee cups. I think a while back I ran the dishwasher with no soap and while everything was sterile when we were done there was tea baked on. Gave ’em all a thorough rinse and put ’em in the dish rack.

All the errands I’d run if I was made out of energy:

take that fretless bass ukulele back to Peggy. It was borrowed from her and a gent I don’t know loaned it to her and I CAN’T STAND THE SMELL it’s like it lived in a moldy basement for a hunnert years. BUT IT SOUNDS SO COOL (LARRY DAVID UNCERTAINTY GIF)

walk for 45 minutes at least

do a shop

bathe; maybe get really radical and brush my teeth

write a thousand words

rehearse/noodle/compose

pay bills

try to obtain my credit score

call at least a couple of my friends

play around on Bluesky, the replacement for twitter, some more (I like it so far)

What I’ll probably do:

Whine continuously and pause for my video call with my doc to get my scrips renewed. I do not want a holter monitor. I do not want a colonoscopy. We shall see. If she complains I’ll say, can you go back to the part of my file that says I have ADD? get corrected, sheesh.

Already got my first Notice of Assessment back, holeeee that was fast. Thank you Jeff as always my home guard!!! My taxes are again up to date, phew.

Suzanne comes today but this will likely be her last Thursday with us because her jobs are changing up and we need to find another four hour block – weekend most likely.

Watched a Russian soldier surrender to a drone on video this morning. The alternative was eating a grenade launched from a nearby chopper, so I’m glad he’ll eventually go home to his family.

Buster was a good boy at the vet and gets his teeth cleaned next week.

Glenda Jackson, 87, passed at home in Blackheath today. Rest well my left wing goddess.

 

 

chimichanga and Mr. Ho’s

It was lovely to see Tom, Chari, Brian and Mike at Mr. Hos. None of us had a drop of alcohol.

It was also very lovely, earlier in the day, to see Ryker who is A BUSY LITTLE BOY WHO NEVER STOPS MOVING. And broke a corelle dish, in accordance with the prophecy.

Keith cooked me a chimichanga with cheese and Suzanne made me a cup of tea and told me she can’t do second Thursday’s any more because she got a better paying position for that day but she can do an evening or weekend or morning instead. So Jeff and I will have to talk about what’s most convenient.

On the way back I got Jeff a strawberry rhubarb five inch from Pie Hole and us some relaxants from The Bohemian. Took a cab to the restaurant like a sensible person.

Curvebeak was back this morning (Jeff noticed him the other day, he’s uh, hard not to notice with that incredible honker) and it’s just aggravating because I don’t have any sound and healthy crow food except…. hardcooked eggs, (wut?) so I peeled him an egg and put it out for him. Felt weird. Accidentally let Buster out but he has to stay in for his appointment at the vet today so we for sure can lay hands on him when it’s time to go. I coaxed him back in with many treats.

Just checked what I fed Curvebeak, every scrap of the egg is gone. Well, he got one fifth of his calories for the day I guess, they eat 12 oz a day.

 

Peaceful day

I wrote 657 words yesterday on TB, so I’m very happy I’m making progress at all after such a long break. Thinking about going shlepping this morning until I remembered that on Monday everything is pretty much shopped over and there’s never any of the milk that I drink.

Made chocolate syrup this morning and the container I’ve been using since I was working at Statpower finally gave up the ghost and cracked, and I’m sad because I get very attached to my stuff and now it’s going out in the recycling.

STILL eating leftovers from the meal Cindy bought us on Friday and it’s still nommy. (The restaurant, Argo, calls it ‘dinner for two’ but that’s in a universe when two eighteen year old body builders need sustenance, believe me.) I should be through it today. Bought fish for dinner last night. I was supposed to run errands but I changed into my pjs and lounged the entire day, when I wasn’t writing and running the dishwasher and making iced tea and forgetting to press ‘send’ on the dinner order, making Jeff wait an hour and a half for his halibut….

mOm enjoyed the poetry chapbook I sent her.

Katie called me to go for a walk and I didn’t feel right enough to go even though it meant missing seeing Ryker. Sigh.

I hope I write again today but who knows what the day will bring.

 

concert went great

Cindy received plaudits for her glorious voice, of course, and Lem was happy to see me. She fed me again, blessed woman.

Buster was making little wailing noises and walking around at my feet as I was sitting on Couch # 3 in the media room. Jeff was watching Le Mans or playing Borderlands, I can’t remember which. I said, “What’s wrong buddy?” Then I said, “Yesterday it was very noisy around here… Alex, and then me and Cindy rehearsing. Are you upset because it was noisy?” He gave me a look and then jumped into my lap.
 
Buster doesn’t have a problem with TV noise unless a) there’s a dog barking and he can see the ‘stupid dog’ b) there’s a big animal noise like an elephant trumpeting or a lion roaring c) there’s prolonged bass rumbling. It’s real life noise that gets him down.
My computer’s battery continues to slowly die. If it’s at full charge and unplugged from the charger it takes about 20 minutes to get to 50 % – My Reaction:
I am pleasantly still tired but I only have one errand today so that’s good. My errands yesterday went well.

the cumulative effect

so

if Keith hadn’t asked me to come with for Peggy’s luncheon

Peggy wouldn’t have reminded me that Cindy’s Festival of the Living Rooms concert is Saturday and suggested I back Cindy up

and I wouldn’t have messaged Cindy to be so kind as to allow me to accompany her

and I wouldn’t have found out that Cindy was low key panicking, and we wouldn’t have rehearsed last night and I wouldn’t be backing her up today for the 3PM concert. She brought like 80 DOLLAH of greek food and we ate like chieftains wit’ da meat on spits, good god yall.

Yesterday with Alex was fun. We didn’t call GGMa but we did have a good time, and I got to see my neurodiverse grandson HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE WITH FRIENDS WHO ALSO HAVE DYED HAIR (three little cis boys with red and pink hair noisily occupying a living room) and once again I was moved to intense and grievous anger that he’s being renovicted and may lose these friends, as children do in moves. I will keep that friendship going if I have to take him on the bus I publicly swear it. Anyway he was invited over and I squared it with his mummabear and we exchanged numbers and his mummabear picked him up. It rained, but not enough to really put out any fires.

He played me something on youtube called Rush E. Don’t bother, it’s a memey thing and your life won’t be better if you look at it. Also he needs to remember to bring his blessed charger with him.

I got him to pick a beat on the Kaossilator and we recorded him playing overtop of that. I will post a fragment when I get around to it and quit panicking about the performance this afternoon.

The counteroffensive has begun. Qapla’ Ukrainy (Success Ukraine in Klingon)

 

busy all of a sudden

FINALLY got my bloodwork done, should be ready for the doc by the time I see her for the video chat. The venipuncturist was SO SLICK IT WAS REVELATORY. I literally didn’t feel a thing and she took three fast tubes with collapsing or bruising anything. It’s very amusing when the ripping off of the little round bandaid causes more irritation than the stick….

Keith picked me up and we went to Peggy’s. As we were driving along Armstrong a VERY TALL MAN came into view and I said, “That’s Joe.” He was looking bummed because even though he knew that he was low on gas…. he ran out. We drove him back to Peggy’s (well it’s his home too now) and he dealt with his car and Keith prepped a flatbread lunch (pesto-spread flatbread with fresh mozz and sauteed peppers (WHY WON’T THIS VERSION OF WORDPRESS COPE WITH SPECIAL CHARACTERS THANKS I HATE IT) as well as a delicious spinach salad, and which included extras of each flatbread to be taken over to the OTHER of Peggy’s son’s houses down the hill, but not for Ben because he can’t have yeast.) And Peggy devoured it, with the kind of obvious glee that makes me continuously glad she picked herself out of the crowd to be my ersatz oldest sister. She’s about to get on an airplane and go visit one of her sisters, may many blessings ensue. I was reminded that Cindy’s giving a Zoom concert on Saturday and asked to get my ass over there and provide backup singing support so I’ll email her and find out if she actually wants me to do that.

Keith talked about housing while we were there. It was a dark and emotional convo as one can imagine.

Part of Keith’s emotional turmoil is that he’s really connected with his two nephews and the idea of not being part of their daily care is grieving him.

THEN I found out I get Alex today all day because it’s a Pro-D Day so he’ll turn up with his electric candy apple red hair and tablet sometime between 8 and 9 this morning and go home when his mama picks him up. I have plans for his day.

THEN Mike’s 12v portable cooler was delivered here (for the Delica). (That’s because the Porch Pirates of Burnaby are EXCEEDINGLY ACTIVE IN HIS BUILDING, like they steal food deliveries as well as parcels.) He’s had so many packages stolen that he’s asking to have stuff delivered here instead. So I called Mike and he came and got it and most of the cooking gear he left here Sunday, although the metal chopsticks I gave him apparently took a walk and I reused one of his bowls after I cleaned it, yay ADD. He couldn’t stay because he had to make a grocery run.

I gave him his Um Suleiman kufiyah on Sunday, forgot to mention that. (Genuine Palestinian kufiyah in ladybug colours.) He really liked it and it will match pretty much anything in his wardrobe. I should have waited for his B-day in July but who the hell knows what tomorrow will bring and I wanted to do it NAOW.

Working on ‘understanding short sentences’ with Buster. I keep having to remind myself that UNLESS he’s already ‘primed’ for a behaviour he needs 8-10 seconds processing time to understand and respond to the verbal cue. (Margot needed a stunning 18 seconds to respond to anything.) “Door open” “Cat door closed” “wet food upstairs” “Daddy went downstairs” “Want brush?” “Want to train?” “Jump up for the one two three” (I always put exactly three cat treats on the tuffet in a terrifically underthought attempt to get him to learn counting words.) Also continued to train Oreo at Planet of the Renovicted. Sam is untrainable. (Like most cats with Bengal markings if you don’t get ’em really young.)

eviction notice

Keith, Kate, the kids and Paul got their eviction notice yesterday. So it’s August 1 they have to be out. Kate and Dax are (not surprisingly) having animated discussions about whether they should consolidate households and I know it’s difficult… but the rents are unbelievable. Truly heinous.

Keith dropped by yesterday and we had a pretty good talk about growing up ADD and how Paul and I completely underestimated how disabling his autism/social anxiety/ADD combo is for school and work. Like everyone in the family he masks very well, and then everyone who expected better is disappointed, himself most of all. He feels very at sea at the moment. However I was able to get him to drink some homemade iced tea and pressed some money into his hand to pay a bill. The thing that sticks in my head, apart from the more personal stuff, was that he said that he attended (via Zoom) a tenants’ rights association meeting the same day he was served with an eviction notice.

Coffee has been made and consumed; laundry is done but not folded, and I’m currently sadly contemplating having to replace this laptop. It is getting elderly and the battery is no longer holding a charge for long. It’s just a matter of time.

Jeff continues to walk every day, hope he gets out early today while the smoke is low. The Chehalis River fire is 800 hectares and the Harrison Lake fire is growing ‘explosively’ so it’s gon’ be smoky in the Sto:lo valley. He also changed out the burnt out kitchen light bulb this am and so I fetched the globe from the top of the fridge where he put it while he found a replacement bulb and cleaned it BLECCCCCH. BURNT INSECT BITS BLERG.

I am assembling a package to send to the parental units. It will full of ART or something similar.

Contemplating moving my social media presence to mastodon, but I simply don’t want to change anything about my life – everything’s getting rigid…

 

 

Quiet day

At least I didn’t spend the whole day napping! Finally had a continuous night of sleep. Paul took the bus to Seattle so I’m excused duty until he comes back.

MUST DO LAUNDRY TODAY it’s mission critical.

Did my first neurographic art yesterday. It was okay but when I hacked a couple of inches off one end it looked much better. Here is a botato (potato as said by a fictional Minion, a ‘potato’ picture is a crappy picture which still gets the point across) picture of one:

particularly like the centre bug, it’s so meaningful to me and makes no sense. Anyone notice the Among Us callout?

this is called ‘the kneeling gardener’ or ‘superposition’ and I did it a couple of days ago.

shit people shit policy

From today’s Sun “Internal emails at Vancouver city hall in the days leading up to April’s dismantling of the Downtown Eastside encampment show that officials knew there would not be enough beds to shelter people who were displaced.”

Let’s pile another notion onto this dreadful fact:  that thousands of more people will become unhoused in Vancouver – many of them children experiencing their first, and on the basis of statistics, not likely their last experience of having no stable shelter AND MORE PEOPLE KEEP MOVING HERE EVERY DAY … and tourist season is coming so there’s less housing stock because of the AirBnB units that have kicked out long term tenants.

morning haiku set

grating on your skin
you tense; relaxing you think
it was just sugar

pour out your coffee
onto the firestorm of news
and remark, ‘no change’

the moon, thank goodness
is no longer a pale green
I guess that’s something

Yesterday the moon was green when I got up. I went to look at ‘the Strawberry Moon’ and got a sickly looking moon, scary as hell. If it’s truly an omen for the strawberry moon – the month upcoming – I’m holding myself in braced posture for a lousy time.

The summer will be hot and dry, and that means full of fire and smoke. I just had a vision of Vancouver on fire. Under exceptionally bad conditions we could have urban fires in Vancouver (remember 25 percent of Burnaby is parkland and open space…) and I just had a vision of standing on the back deck and hearing the cops on bullhorns trying to get people out of their houses…. I need to do something else. Sigh.

Russia has repelled a Ukrainian counterattack.

Absolutely none of my Ukrainian and western correspondents are saying this. How easy it is to successfully repel a counterattack that never happened!

However I’m DEFINITELY hearing desperate and very concerning rumblings about a planned ‘event’ by the Russians at the Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant TO COINCIDE with a Ukrainian counterattack, to get everyone in the west so upset they –I don’t know —  start dancing with the lizard people in their tightie whities while saying nasty things about Zelenskyy, mebbe??  who the hell knows with the Russian strategists right now, they have a century long playbook of assorted misinformation, genocide plus deeply personally vicious tyrannical AND casually banal state actions to pull plays from.

Russia’s ‘many arms in many sleeves’ tactic for its mis/dis campaigns is now extending to SOLICITING SCHOOL CHILDREN to go on podcasts, video streaming and TV platforms to ‘report’ on the ‘military operation’ ie be the next generation of propagandists. These poor kids and their parents are going to be dog meat when the war’s over. I’d like to warn them but no one can.

Jeff and I continue to rewatch Elementary and Stargate Atlantis, are into S2 of LawnOrder, S4 of Medium, and are dipping into Archer, Disenchantment (Eric André voicing Luci and Nat Faxon voicing Elfo are always standouts), Time Team and a couple of other shows.