Yesterday my mother celebrated her 75th birthday. Now if we’d been from the other side of the family we’d have piled in cars and gone to see her and had a damned big party but this is what we did instead. Not a single one of us bought her a present. Not a single one of us sent her flowers. Nope, nor a card.
I wrote my mother a poem (picking up from where an earlier one left off) and made all her descendents call her on the phone. You can call me chintzy, but all I can do is thank my ancestors that they conveyed to our family a very sturdy notion of what is important and what is not in family life.
My mother taught me a lot of things. In most of these matters she had help from my dad, but not always.
Civility costs nothing.
Get a good education and then worry about what you’re going to do to earn your bread.
Be kindly towards the religious expressions of others. Atheism will always be a minority opinion so don’t be rude about it. Bob your head for grace; sing the carols; kneel and stand when you’re s’posed to. Absolutely nothing about being an atheist gives you a hall pass to be rude about the religious expressions of your relatives; may as well generalize and extend the civility requirement to anybody who isn’t actively trying to kill you.
Given a choice between spending the time and spending the money, spend the time.
Stay busy.
Housework sucks, but the requirement for it doesn’t go away, so learn to do it efficiently and without whining.
Be authentic about what you love even if it looks silly to other people.
Human beings need to touch each other and baby human beings need lots of touching.
Budget the luxuries first. This entirely counterintuitive take on personal finances has assisted in keeping me happy.
Better two good friends and true than 50 dubious acquaintances.
There’s no excuse for being a shitty driver.
Alcohol and recreational drugs are not necessary for any aspect of life. Painkillers on the other hand are a must.
Let the medical students experiment. It isn’t fun but it’s soon over.
Beauty, truth and goodness are everywhere. So are evil, waste and want. If you adjust your vision to see the former more than you see the latter, you may not have a more accurate view of the world but you will have a happier one.
Music is important.
Privacy is important.
Don’t fight in front of the children.
There are only a few criteria for determining whether you have been a successful parent. 1. Child survives to breeding age. 2. Child does not go to jail. 3. Child stays pretty much continuously and voluntarily employed at job or household tasks and arranges personal life so as not to be dependent on the state. 4. Child stays out of mental hospital. 5. Child comes to visit you voluntarily.
If your child meets these criteria, you have been a successful parent and lying around moaning about any aspect of child’s life, from choice of spouse to wacky UFOlogy paradigms, just makes you look like an ass. Bonus points for grandchildren, but you don’t have any control over that.
Your family can never be too big.
If you look hopelessly square and do not attract attention by odd behaviour, people will leave you the hell alone.
Getting old is not for sissies.
Whining is something other people do.