attendees: Cindy, Peggy, Paul, Tom, Mike
Songs: Alexios (the Murder Hobo), Frobisher Bay, Lousy Co-pilot (original and SG Atlantis version), That God-forsaken Hellhole I call Home, Dandelions Dreaming, Blues for Dumuzi, The last page, Two Worlds, Those Magic Changes, two songs from the Skyrim soundtrack, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, a filk song we found by accident in my Canadian women’s folk songs book called Susan COD, It takes a lot to laugh it takes a train to cry, Gentle Arms of Eden, Lady of Komarr, Some Other Planet, and there were more but you get the general idea.
monch food sing choons
It was absolutely loverly
Success! I slept an additional 2 hours with the blankie, garnering almost 7 hours of (almost) uninterrupted sleep. I think Katie will be pleased when I hand it over to her this morning for non-destructive testing on Alex.
This is me 30 seconds before I found the box on my step. This is the weather their delivery company dealt with. We got two inches of dense, slippery af snow pounding down over about four hours, then it abruptly stopped and a watery sun came out and said oops.
When that snow all turned to water at once, that was an interesting moment.
Katie took me to breakfast – it’s a grey day, but much warmer and the snow’s off the walkway.
Stanley Donen is dead. The man who directed Charade is gone. But here he is being fucking amazing in 1997.
Travel was excellent, border was a lark; on Friday we stopped in Greenwood and ate ‘za from Razzi’s – expensive but VERY FINE PIZZA with tremendously high quality ingredaments.
Checked in without difficulty, comfy room with a balcony, not too noisy (faces SEA so there is aircraft noise.)
Last night filked with Cindy (Lady of Komarr) and sang Murder Hobo:Odyssey so that was fun. (Paul was paying attention to people’s reactions and he said people laughed their asses off… you know how it is when you’re too busy singing and playing to pay much attention.)
Steak din with Lemming and Paul tonight, we had a good time until my credit card barfed. Since Paul’s did too I’m not too upset because it sounds like a system issue – we use the same bank – but as is often the case my emotional balloon was punctured and I don’t feel great about singing and playing and I now owe Lem 137 bucks, although he was a total sweetheart about it.
We talked about John a fair amount. It is good to have good memories about him.
Today it was announced officially, I will be the Toastmaster for Conflikt 13!!
This means staying at the hotel Friday through Sunday at mininum, doing a concert, being at the Guest Lunch and doing the instafilk, judging a song contest, contributing to the Interfilk Auction (of which I have previously been a beneficiary), songbook and lunch CD, host open filk for at least a couple of hours, doing a panel or workshop, emcee for performer concerts.
I’M THRILLED, I’M HONOURED, I’M GONNA WORK HARD AND DO MY BEST
and I intend to book off the following week to collapse into con crud and exhaustion, because I’m going to be 61 and I’m not completely altered in the head.
They have an electrified toastmaster badge NOM I love it so.
I have a year to plan outfits!.
- Recovering a normal digestive schedule after getting rid of my ulcer last year
- Wrote a lot of songs (melodies, airs and instrumentals) this past year
- Published Upsun
- mOm and pOp
- Keith continues to challenge himself and the results are wonderful
- Katie is a safety officer and if someone had told me that when she was 15 I’d have fucking choked to death laughing, or possibly crying, or walking into a door from just the utter strangeness of such a happening
- Reconnecting on twitter with my second oldest friend, Liz GOD WE ARE LAUGHING NOOOOOW
- The Black, Latinx, trans, disabled, Indigenous and combinations thereof activists and academics on twitter who hold me to my oath to improve my understanding of gender and race every damned day
- @GreatDismal is great on twitter (William Gibson of Neuromancer fame) because he supports his wife and children in their endeavours, reposts the coolest damned stuff, and is fucking hilarious in that standard low key way of his.
- @DecolonialBlack – his tweets are one third pure fire, one third reasoned argument and one third hilarity through a very fine lens and all of it educational as hell
- @cricketcrocker I won’t say she’s my fave Indigenous person on twitter cause I still think
- @apihtawikosisan is that person mostly because of how she talks about her kids and also her clarity with language is like drinking elfin wine
- @ConnerHabib is my fave male sex worker / cultural commentater on twitter
- @whoresofyore is so wonderful in so many ways she gives me life ALSO she does everything she can to repost pictures of non-white sex workers and also men wearing allied uniforms in wwII which is like freaking awesome. Some of her reposts are racy as hell, and it’s very nice to see some black and white booty for a change in a full colour race toward hell
- @SFdirewolf is getting me on board with disability rights – she is FYYA (FIRE)
- LOVE @ZoeSTodd although sometimes I find her challenging
- @StephanieCarvin is about as politically correct as a hand grenade in a barrel of refugees but she sure has a lot of well researched opinions about Canadian security and so as long as I’m writing about asymmetrical warfare in Vancouver I kinda hafta pay attention – and she is grimly feminist and no chump, so I accept her as she is
- @Olivia_Graciela AKA Auntie Carpet Weed is freaking awesome. If you’re on twitter follow her and get dragged into the light Indigenous women are holding up over their challenges
- @xodanix3 another amazing person worth following. She has a mean streak I quite like.
- @BorschtSiouxp is likewise full of bright beauty and hot takes and awesome
- @IvaCheung takes on user guides, grammar, social justice and life in general and I love her with whatever my gristly heart can beat out
- @Inked_Archivist who not coincidentally is my biggest fan (Upsun series) and posts fantastic SJ stuff from Europa and the Netherlands I wouldn’t otherwise see.
- @GeorgMir is my dose of Austrian game making fandom – a beautiful soul who wants the best for the world and ain’t takin’ no shit in the process
- @APebbleInTheSky is my favourite anarchist
- @rechelon is not my favourite anarchist but I need him because he’s the only anarchist I know of who is remotely consistent in his personal and political life
- @cjane87 is an amazing writer and opinion leader and her comments on sports events especially football have given me more laughs than I can count
- @bogiperson is an amazing writer and anthologist and I’m a better person for reading their posts and links
- @SpicyTunaRo not exactly as spicy as advertised but has given me plenty to chew on regarding Indigenous rights and history
- @MikeStuchbery_ is so wonderful I’m just going to tell anyone who is on twitter to follow him. He’s not always right but he’s edumacational as all get out.
- Alex not drowning on my watch at Edmonds Community Centre
- Paul driving back from Seattle in the rain to housefilk at Cindy’s in January and Paul in general and I hope his ears are burning over what we said about him today, all nice except his driving of course
- @LuxAlptraum, not perfect always perfect for me
- @gerdurhalldora is the magical Icelandic woman who showed me around a very small part of Reykjavik and I’m SO HAPPY I MET HER
- The Iceland trip, all of it. The landscape, the people, even the food although I’ll eat fermented shark in hell and not before…
- This message on facebook was about me. IFUCKINGROCK screw the haters
This morning, I had the longest facebook messenger convo of my life and it was, with little exaggeration and without getting into personal details, a life saver.
Technology really can overcome distance and give you meaningful connections with people far away.
Reach out to your friends, and you will get and give support in ways you can’t imagine.
We all need each other.
I am grateful and thankful for the love and support of my girlfriends.
- the picture of the grandson of the above noted friend HAPPY SIGH
- really feeling like I’m coming around from this depressed period. writing at least 300 words a day
- Starting to meditate – still not consistent at it but I am enjoying how hard it is
- published 114000 words of fanfic on a03 JUST THIS YEAR if you think I haven’t been writing I basically never stop
- Rawd’s package came for mOm and what a bonanza of family history
- mOm fell down and got a hip 18 months faster than she was booked to, got the surgeon she wanted and got a private room — this is like hitting a hole in one from the moon even if you live in a major metropolitan area in Canada
- season three of The Expanse
- My mOm, just now, reading A PURE FIRE LETTER FROM FAMILY HISTORY ABOUT THE HORRORS OF FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANITY YUP YUP YUP
- Margot dying was horrible but how kind we tried to be about it was not and what happened with Deimos was a fucking tragedy but it was not made worse by the people around me and that’s not nothing
- Mike, who needs two mentions
- Jeff, ditto
Given that this is during a time of the month I usually have insomnia, let’s assume that working full time, putting a cat down, having bizarre and frightening neurological symptoms, living next door to a construction site since May and two personal issues (which I’ve discussed with my intimates but don’t belong on my blog) have contributed to a localized exhaustion.
I feel okay, my eyes are telling me I was very smart to sleep that long; my right eye is not all resentful.
I can hear Jeff playing with Buster in the kitchen. I should get up and take him to breakfast; him putting up with my vagaries the last little while deserves some kind of acknowledgement.
Some mornings I wake up at 2 am and get up; this morning I forced myself back to sleep and woke up at 5:30. Like a little kid I lay in bed and thought to myself, “Oh, I hope Katie calls and wants to spend some time with me today!”
Then at a quarter to eight she called and we had breakfast.
It is so easy to make me happy, it’s quite funny.
I’M SEEING MY MOM ON SUNDAY NEXT AND THEN I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW.
And I’m going to see a doc about my suspected septic thyroglossal cyst Friday next, which is now bobbing around on the bottom of my tongue and which accounts for, get this FOUR OF MY SYMPTOMS.
Pain – generally they only hurt if they’re infected. It’s a completely ignorable amount of pain, which is why I’ve been ignoring it. Turns out you’re born with these suckers and they can literally never do anything to announce their presence.
Dysphagia and an occasional sense that my throat is closing over (WHICH LIKELY IMPACTED MY APNEA MACHINE USE) – which comes and goes depending on how swollen it is, which makes sense considering it’s attached to the bottom of your tongue and moves when it does. Unfortunately this symptom has been MAJOR in telling me that I’m going demented, so finding out there’s another reason has given me life.
Metallic spit – an occasional sensation, see above, which is accompanied by a nasty feeling at the base of my tongue and a completely indescribable sensation in my mouth when it happens. It was MUCH WORSE during my taking antibiotics in November last and kept up for weeks after. Still happens a couple of times a week.
A previous symptom, not present since menopause – I used to get a large pimple on my neck just where they often push fluids and pus to the surface. Who knew.
Bonus symptom: having to hyperextend my neck so I can feel like I can breathe prior to going to sleep.
There is a less than 1 in 100 chance that there is carcinoma present. These things hardly ever go bad that way, although they can randomly collect fluid so they look like a half-goiter or get infected.
I wouldn’t even care about this birth defect – for such it is – but it’s affecting my ability to enjoy food, sleep and sing, the three major reasons I’m alive, so I’m going to try to get a diagnosis and then see if I can’t have it either drained or excised. I’d prefer drained but it would be entertaining to have a throat scar that makes me look right piratical.
and god won’t I look silly if I’m wrong about this, but fOlks, I rilly don’t think I am.
I love my family.
Getting lots of lovely comments on my fanfic. When people like the stuff you wrote for what you think are the right reasons……
I have met somebody who wears her heart on her sleeve. I’d like her to tuck it away, but I don’t get to make that call.
She got stuck at the airport. She is in the sf/horror fan community, knows about 30 people in common with me and since it’s her story to tell, how she got stuck there, I will stay quiet. Katie let me borrow the car to unstick her, and now she’s either asleep or colouring mandalas. A few of the designs are straight up eyepopping.
Got Keith’s Christmas present to me set up – I regifted the Instant Pot from Mike to Katie; I’ll get it back at Litha.
It never ceases to amaze me how much better my life has been because of the people I’ve managed to get close to. Sometimes I think coupling up is an extended magical joke of some kind. Now I’m old and I want completely different things from partners; less excitement and more being there.
I talked to Katie last night and after I got home and started tidying up a bit I was standing at the sink and I just started crying because despite everything, all the stupid anger I’ve been holding onto, she gets me. And so does Keith and so does Paul. I’m glad they didn’t see me crying. They would have been upset on my behalf, and I’m feeling better than I have in ages.
Now I’m going to check if our houseguest is up and start singing like a chicken if she is because I can get away with that, and Jeff’s not ‘hear’ to plead for the sanctity of his eardrums. He’s supposed to be back today; hope the 5 to 10 cm of snow we’re getting (Erie PA got 6 inches of lake effect snow yestreen, how droll) doesn’t hurt his chances of getting back here safe from Victoria.
I salted all the walkways, I’ll salt the driveway before the predicted snow flies too hard. I put so much salt on the back deck that I can now hear it creaking as the compressed snow/ice starts to let go its grip.
Went to a simply lovely bbq party at Nita and Mike’s last night, with Paul, Keith and Katie (Alex was at motheroutlaw’s) and all the food and drink was stunningly awesome.
And there was a babby of six weeks, a gorgeous snuffly little steam engine.
Jim and Jan were there, and I simply can’t see enough of them.
Finished & posted destiel schmoopfic. Currently regarding HOTM I’m wrassling with a scene between the Oldest and Nereus.
They aren’t in their home right now, but that will all be fixed shortly. Courage, everyone.
They were here yesterday but I couldn’t say anything on line. Alex got to play with the pinballs LOTS while I slept.
Got into a beatdown with a bunch of one of the most self-righteous pot activists (like there’s another fucking kind) on twitter today.
Come ON I smoke, but I don’t smoke and blow smoke in the faces of the allergic and the elderly, and they’re announcing it’s their RIGHT, because this is VANCOUVER, home of TOLERANCE. Yeah I’ll believe that when Canada gives back the unceded lands, you unregenerate failure of logic. I’m like a homophobe for harshing their mellow. Srsly. Got accused of equivalency to homophobia for objecting to people dousing the entire west end in pot smoke for their stupid fucking 420 festival (which leaves heaps of trash mounded everywhere and they’re all cryface because they didn’t get a fucking permit.) F*ck me!
I realized that when you put asterisks in f*cking swearwords you’re putting a leedle asshole right in the meedle of the word and since when you’re swearing there’s usually an asshole involved, it’s mesmerizingly poifect.
I love Buster, he’s an amazing cat. And he loves me too, I know it. I don’t think Miss Margot cares if I live or die, but Buster does.
My latest piece of fanfic smut has more than five hundred likes (it’s cute and hot, so there)
I’ve written a BDSM scene in the same ‘verse but I’m not happy with it yet. I had to put in about 200 words about how the scene is ‘necessary but non-consensual’ which kinda blows (or not!) since scenes need consent if they’re to resonate with me writing, at all. So it’s like “We’ve talked about this – I hate it when you want me (and need me) to top you but I’m s’posed to read your mind – and topping when you’re angry at your partner is a bad bad bad idea” followed by “Do what ya gotta, man, just hit me really hard.” Oh, and there are minor children in the house while this sh*t’s going down, just to make it even more like real life, and our heroes must deal with the domestic consequences of Daddies fighting. I LOVE A CHALLENGE. After all, continuing to have interesting sex after kids *is* a continuing challenge in real life. People want carefree smut? they can look elsewhere; to me smut always has a cost. Who bears it depends on who’s being responsible, or not.
Not that anybody wants to know, but I’m really not into any of those behaviours in real life. Nagging at volume is sort of where I max out, ask any of my exes.
Continuing to have the poly life discussion with someone. It’s painful. Really painful. I feel like I have my nose up again a particularly interesting window. I can smell bread baking. But no. G*ddamned heteronormative uncommunicative bushwah (on their end, not mine.) But at the same time there’s NO F*CKING POINT to becoming an elder if you don’t understand that real life takes time, opportunities for growth don’t wait, and if you don’t consider who’s going to be impacted by your decisions, your years, your grey hairs and and your learning means squat. I am still 22 in some corner of my persona, for my enthusiasms still have all the joy of my youth; I just can’t write everyone affected by my behaviour out of the script any more. I do from time to time, but not all the time.
Fortunately, since I’m pushing 60 with a broom, I can contemplate my greed like the gorram caged bear that it is. Still here, but not running the show.
Katie is still having a rough time and she and Alex are both sick again.
I am not having a rough time. I feel pretty good, all things considered. I have another two weeks of full time work. If that changes, I’ll deal with it. I actually have a plan to deal with it that I think will make almost everyone happy, at least temporarily.
Rogue One is a fucking fantastic movie. Getting eaten by Disney was the best thing that ever happened to the franchise.
Now to check if my money transfer has come through.
Jeff calls the new Hulu show “Burn Tarot” and expects Jeffrey Donovan to be doing voiceovers “When you’re a psychic,” and you laugh so hard you pull a rib.
Some irritated person threatens to call the Site Leader (basically GOD ON CALL) when you warn them that work requests will be slow tonight because you’re at 50% staffing and your response is OH WOULD YOU PLEASE we’ll need her help sorting through all the work requests that were in the system AHEAD OF YOURS. That was 3/4 of an hour ago. Yeah, you guessed it, no call. Just as an aside I actually paged the Site Leader yesterday and she didn’t answer, so make of that what you will. She probably pulled an Allegra and when she didn’t recognize the number didn’t pick up lollllol.
People who work nights and complain about the workload and do a shitty job and sleep in the ER until 5 am when they wake up and pretend to do more work are on the receiving end of one of your pointier emails.
I have 64 likes on my Supernatural fic and 4 kudos and I’m thinking I KNOW SOMEBODY LIKES MY WRITING and Jeff says my interest in slash fanfic for a show I don’t watch equals zero, interest in MMCo = 100% and you just think squee.
You’ve invented a fanfic universe in which you have a McGuffin to make any character pairing possible (with a lot of effort, but possible).
Your daughter calls and tells you she got a job, a good job, in a union environment, close to home and you’re dancing around like an idjit.
You think ‘I’m actually going to miss this job’. I mean, I quit a month ago and I’m still working here, it’s insane. And some of the people are so much fun, I come in early just so I can interact with them. Others, well, you know how it is.
I’ve almost paid off my credit card debt and I did it with money I earned.
You forget to tell your mother that you received and deposited the cheque she sent you… a month ago.
You watch the Wrong Box again.
I’m putting it in my pile of movies to watch when I’m feeling icky. Because watching it put a bounce in my step. Figuring out that John Larroquette based his performance in the Librarians in part on Ralph Richardson’s tremendous turn as Joseph Finsbury; (so many classic lines among which ‘the playing of games, with balls of varying sizes’ never fails to crack me up), marvelling at Peter Sellers’ false nose and moggy filled apartment (at one point he mops up an ink blot with a kitten’s ass); drooling over the set dec and costumes, which are lovely, and the script (done in part by Larry Gelbart whom you may also know as one of the creators of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and M*A*S*H the tv show, also family faves), the hilarious and stylish music, with a score by John Barry, also a fave of mine (his theme for the Persuaders was one of the highlights for me on tv when I was a teen); John Mills’ voice; the ridiculous train derailment; Tutte Lemkow, the professional villain, and his entirely mute performance as the knitting mad Bournemouth Strangler. Anyway, if you haven’t seen it, and would like a film that amuses without cloying, it’s really, really good.
So yeah… all in all I’m having a good week, and writing 15k words in 4 days was… interesting. Graphomania is a helluva drug. I was literally pacing when I wanted to write and couldn’t, and that’s PSYCHOMOTOR AGITATION folks. Perhaps the sun is coming back and making me twitterpated.
I AM NO QUIT I AM EXTEND SON
I’ll be working until the end of January. The woman I was hired to temporarily replace for medical reasons and to be a casual is now not working for the company, reason unknown. My reasons for not wanting to be there are still in place but I’m getting paid and I don’t have to work weekend days so I don’t care. Steady middies for me!
It’s amusing that I’m awake now. The world is white and quiet with snow, and if I was working tonight my shift would be about to start…. I just woke up.
I could use the money, although I’d forgotten the extent to which commuting in the wintertime is such a fricking drag in this burg.
Getting to and from work the last week has chewed through a bus station mop. But… it only took an hour to get home yesterday.
My characters are sad and so am I. It’s the pathetic fallacy folks.
Also one of them is quitting drinking and I’m walking alongside him for portions of that, which I loathe.
Although I did think of THE MOST DISGUSTING SIXER RELATED GAG I mean I burst out laughing when poor Jeff was trying to watch the Dallas/Tampa game, which was ugly and beautiful and what the hell’s going on with the zebras, and mah God Dak Prescott, but I just had this vision of Sweetie, who is like 3 kilos, being the security guard for the whorehouse, and controlling a patron with the vilest impersonation of Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry one could possibly imagine, and I couldn’t stop laughing because the joke grows organically out of the situation and at this point we could all use a laugh,
because Trump sailed through the Electoral College, and the Republic, tottering after decades of hacking at the Constitution and weak from never dealing with racism and the Civil War, is in full kleptocratic collapse.
What to watch for over 4 years in the US:
Higher infant and maternal death rates – this has actually been going on in slow motion over the decade I’ve been keeping track, it’s sickening…
More prison rioting (underreported) as the food in prisons gets worse and worse under Trump’s prison owning buddies
Higher violent death rates, across the board, all kinds – vehicles (road rage), guns, knives, stranglings.
More alcoholism and alcohol related death
More needle drug abuse and higher rates of AIDS HIV infection. More people dying of ODs, pills and otherwise.
Zika running wild in South Florida and the gulf coast and women being forced to carry the fetus to term with no health insurance for a lifetime of need thanks to Republican state legislatures
Hundreds more deaths each year from white people carrying guns, being scared of black people and shooting grandmothers and toddlers but mostly teenage boys who are existing while black
Muslims being burned alive in their mosques. Hasn’t happened yet but it’s going to happen and more than once.
Tripling of deaths in custody. (The statisticians just learned that the number of people who’ve died in custody in the US in the last five years is ACTUALLY DOUBLE what they thought because there’s no reporting mechanism and now the cop unions are trying to prevent any oversight of this statistic at all…)
Diaspora people – Jewish, black and Muslim – who have family and opportunities in Canada, moving here, although they’ll probably need a couple of years of Trump to realize it’s time to get out of town.
Tourism tanks across the US and Trumpites CELEBRATE America for Americans.
Confederates bringing automatic weapons to Pride Days and killing grandmothers and toddlers along with some queers.
Open war on First Nations Land; mass incarcerations and arrests, and Trump’s buddies making money on it.
More legal weed.
Secession talk from more than California.
The Left NEVER calling him President Trump. Just Trump. Or Cheetolini.
Patton Oswalt falling in love again and remarrying. Because honestly, that man deserves happiness.
Sad family note. Young cousin got a bad (not what he specifically and carefully asked for) haircut… but we have a hairdresser in the family and our relations did not have to have that experience. I wish it were otherwise but how often does adult convenience drive the nightmares of small children. I speak from sad and memorable experience here, thinking about Katie and the earring back. I still cry when I think about that, tho’ Katie has long since forgiven me.
A friend asked me what my Christmas Day plans were and I said “Reheating takeout and watching Die Hard with my brother” and now we’re eating at Hal and Cassidy’s, go team!
At some point Jeff and I have to leave the house for supplies, but the urban slushy streets are too disgusting….
My youngest child is 28. If I ask you how the hell that happened, you’ll just stare at me, right?
Since I’m cooking dins for the horde no writing today. Don’t know when I’ll be back at it, but it won’t be until tomorrow noon at the earliest.
Man, to have dental surgery on your birthday. I walked him home yesterday at his request (and Keith’s, the text I got from him was so nervous granny-like it was sweet as heck), and we hung around his place for the afternoon being lazy. Molars make damn big holes. Now he has to wait a month to get the sutures out, and then be healed enough to get a post and implant.
140/82 is my blood pressure, I checked yesterday. I won’t say what Paul’s blood pressure was since it was somewhere between ouch and boing.
I made pulled pork. It is nommy.