My email to Ableton.
I am really disappointed in the Ableton 9 demo. The only reason I downloaded it was for a specific feature. You say it’s a fully functional version, and it isn’t. Melody to Midi is turned off.
Please quit lying about the demo version in your ads. TELL PEOPLE what is turned off, and if you have a reason, why. If you’re just having a little giggle at the customer’s discomfort, you might want to mention that too.
Let’s review my experience.
Download. Can’t get the authorization. “Oh use Chrome” “I was using Chrome” “Okay use Firefox”. Manage to download it. Feature I want isn’t present. CURSES. Then I get a push email saying I can have the software for 30 percent off. Which means, candidly, that you know the software is overpriced, right out of the gate. And the UI is a nightmare, although I imagine if I had nothing better to do I could get used to it.
So here’s a suggestion. Why don’t you unlock the feature on my version of the software for 48 hours so I can test it, and THEN I buy it? at a 30 percent discount? If it works as advertised?
Also, I have watched videos on the internet in which the video commences with somebody saying “I just downloaded the Ableton 9 demo” and they show off this feature, that one feature which is what I want. I assume this is all some error, but it was one of the reasons I put 2 gigs of your ‘software’ on my computer in the first place, so you might want to ask the gent to stop saying that it’s a demo version in his video, unless of course Ableton put him up to it.
I suspect that unlocking Melody to Midi for 48 hours so I can test it is not part of your repertoire of customer responses, and I’m not hoping it will happen, because nasty crybaby customers who are all butthurt because, hey, you lied, are so easy to ignore when you’re not mocking them. I do know that I won’t purchase the product without being able to test the one thing about it I wanted, and that my anger and disappointment on learning that I can’t use it the way I wanted to is only lightly hinted at in this email.
TL:DR Fuck you fuck you all, may you step out of your office and be clarned by a turtle, may the local police make an example of you, may scary clowns cut off your beards with pinking shears, may the worst doctors treat you and your children, may you catch something horrific and lingering, may sentient anal warts grace your pudendum, may chimps bite off your face and naughty bits, may every finale be marred by spoilers, may you never again find a parking space, may children drop rocks on you from an overpass, may your whole life be audits not plaudits, may you be on a first name basis with every bailiff in town, may the local council make a mistake and demolish your house and then tell you that you didn’t read the posting, may you be drunk like a glass of water, may you swallow plutonium, may asteroids hit you and nobody notice that you’re dead.