much foreshore

Foreshore Restaurant for breakfast w/ Jeff, Foreshore for walkies with Paul, then off to the weed store in New West for YES THEY HAD TRAINWRECK I’M SO HAPPY and also gummies, because I’m out. All in all a very nice day. Woods were full of birdsong and the weather is so splendid (and the sky so beautiful, filled with ripples of clouds) it’s just … lovely.

I complained about Beyoncé’s new video (to my friends on Social Media) having migraine/epilepsy triggering flashies. A technology journalist asked me to comment and I told her that it was my preference that affected Black people comment, I’ve said what I needed to say and don’t need to further grab the mic. Got my own platform (pat pat) right here.

the people vs. the press

Despite the overwhelming hatred and bigotry being expressed in the daily papers in the UK against trans people, one in four Britons is reporting that they know a trans person and the majority of people surveyed don’t agree with their rights and health care being stripped away. I could bang on about the basic decency of people but I won’t. I’ll just say that it’s possible people are more resistant to Nazi propaganda than you often give them credit for.

A woman in my neighbourhood published a photo of a bus creep on NextDoor (which is candidly the last fucking place on earth I’d expect to see such a thing) and it didn’t take very long before two men bounced on her hard to tell her she ought not to publicly shame people. Ie women shouldn’t complain about men. Then a bunch of other people came out to flail on the misogynists including other men.

I JUST FUCKING LOVE HOW WHITE MEN ENJOY TELLING WOMEN OF COLOUR TO CALL THE COPS ON A MAN OF COLOUR. Because that was the reaction of the naysayers WHY DINCHA CALL THE COPS.

“OH YOU SHOULDN’T DO THAT TO THE POOR MAN, EXPOSE HIM TO PUBLIC SHAME… NOPE you should call the cops.” WHY should a woman of colour (Arabic 1st and last name, for all I know she’s as pink as me but I’m not betting on it) call the RCMP on a Chinese guy? If she’s a Syrian immigrant (spitballing here) what the fuck would lead anyone to believe that she trusts the cops over local direct action? Given how the local cops’ (VPD, RCMP) treat men having mental health issues in public, one might refrain from calling them for assistance when one feels threatened just so one doesn’t have a death on one’s conscience. The VPD shot dead a man having mental health issues at Clarke and Broadway and the RCMP are no better, I assure you. I mean, it’s never been proven, but I’ve seen lots of evidence that the RCMP on the Island shot an Indigenous man who was having mental health issues and WAS UNARMED in the head WHILE HE WAS KNEELING. THAT COP IS STILL SERVING.

Fuckin’ wild I’m telling you. SURE, call the cops. You’ll never regret it.

toasted sesame seed bagel, smoked wild-caught salmon, roasted garlic cream cheese, capers and red onion for brekky… Jeff’s response was a literal ‘nom nom nom’

I made coffee but Jeff’s just going to ignore that part. We have to end eating pizza before it ends Jeff’s end.

19300 words. I chug, I chug, I chug along.

I’m going to listen to Eminence Front (the Who) ON BLAST

Ghislaine Maxwell says she needs lenience in sentencing because she had a terrible childhood. NOPE

Zahn McLarnon in Dark Winds is AMAZING and the writing is 100%

I saw Ryker yesterday when I helped Katie with a Costco shop and he was crabby and nobody was wearing a mask who was under 50. FML. Katie doesn’t wear a mask in public because Ryker goes snake when she does.

 

not another project, must be AU Monday

It’s called The Trust Issue, and it’s a nested set of received opinions about how to trust the ourselves, the world and how we move through it and eventually out of it. I am thinking of it in terms of being on three scales; personal, familial (via family history, which is basically me saying HEY MA I THINK I FOUND ANOTHER USE FOR THE GAZILLIONS OF PIXELS YOU’VE SLAUGHTERED), and linguistic, but not in any academic sense, just in the sense that I have to use English to actually, like, do anything. English as often noted has many limitations in terms of felicity of precision *and* metaphor, at least for me, so I must perforce be appalled at operating within its tiresomely inevident confines. I know I am stuck here, in English, for I have neither the life expectancy nor the will to become able to write with ease and style in another language. The very idea makes a mockery of trust in any degree, but so be it. I shall scale Mt. Impossible because I dare not leave my room! The idea of actually making it fit into any politics, including the increasingly deadbeat anarchism I claim to claim (know what I mean) is loathsome to me so I am avoiding the political or public sphere, and I don’t think I could do it in less than 20000 words and suspect it’ll be closer to 70K.

Moose video with dog

One load of laundry, ran the dishes, returned a library book. 12167 words. Talked to mOm on the phone.

Sadface that one of the few pieces of agricultural land in Burnaby will now be under the developer’s plow. Hop On Farms is closing after 40 years. I don’t know how many times we drove by that place, and how unreasonable is it that I wish the world would stop cutting my children’s childhood down…. anyway. It’s a stupid feeling, but I assert it anyway.

Buster’s stitches are itchy and he’s very affectionate this morning. Jeff has to get antibiotics and whatnot into him, I don’t envy him the task, and of course while he’s healing he’s supposed to stay indoors.

Did anybody actually look up the name of the species of alien I was shown eating yesterday? It translates as “Weird Surprise!” Now you know.

War crimes

I hope with the following rather long post I can establish that no matter which particular rhetorical stab you make at it, Russia is guilty of war crimes.

Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court

Article 8

War Crimes

  1. The Court shall have jurisdiction in respect of war crimes in particular when committed as part of a plan or policy or as part of a large-scale commission of such crimes.
  2. For the purpose of this Statute, ‘war crimes’ means:
    1. Grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions of 12 August 1949, namely, any of the following acts against persons or property protected under the provisions of the relevant Geneva Convention:
      1. Wilful killing  (reported by 18-year-old Kateryna Tkachova in Verkel)
      2. Torture or inhuman treatment, including biological experiments; (recently reported that UA PoWs are being held at a former military contaminated waste facility in Russia)
      3. Wilfully causing great suffering, or serious injury to body or health; (look no further than Mariupol)
      4. Extensive destruction and appropriation of property, not justified by military necessity and carried out unlawfully and wantonly; (See, once again, Mariupol)
      5. Compelling a prisoner of war or other protected person to serve in the forces of a hostile Power; (Russians are now offering Ukrainian PoWs the chance to serve Putin – at gunpoint)
      6. Wilfully depriving a prisoner of war or other protected person of the rights of fair and regular trial; (I don’t have a specific example but Russia kidnapping UA mayors and holding them without trial is kind of an ongoing problem.)
      7. Unlawful deportation or transfer or unlawful confinement; (at least 100000 people transported out of Ukraine into Russia, and in some cases Belarus although that hasn’t been confirmed)
      8. Taking of hostages. (I’ve lost track of how many Ukrainian civic mayors the Russian forces have kidnapped. Sometimes they’re released and sometimes they’re killed and sometimes they just… disappear.)
    2. Other serious violations of the laws and customs applicable in international armed conflict, within the established framework of international law, namely, any of the following acts:
      1. Intentionally directing attacks against the civilian population as such or against individual civilians not taking direct part in hostilities; (I have watched many videos at this point of journalists and civilians, including children, the disabled and pets, trying to escape UA cities along ‘humanitarian corridors’ while taking dozens of rounds of sniper fire)
      2. Intentionally directing attacks against civilian objects, that is, objects which are not military objectives; (WWII monuments across UA, especially those to do with memorializing Jewish dead, have been torn from the map)
      3. Intentionally directing attacks against personnel, installations, material, units or vehicles involved in a humanitarian assistance or peacekeeping mission in accordance with the Charter of the United Nations, as long as they are entitled to the protection given to civilians or civilian objects under the international law of armed conflict; (the Red Cross pulled out of Mariupol, need I say more)
      4. Intentionally launching an attack in the knowledge that such attack will cause incidental loss of life or injury to civilians or damage to civilian objects or widespread, long-term and severe damage to the natural environment which would be clearly excessive in relation to the concrete and direct overall military advantage anticipated; (Bus station bombing)
      5. Attacking or bombarding, by whatever means, towns, villages, dwellings or buildings which are undefended and which are not military objectives; (the entire road to Kyiv, for example, and the towns and villages on either side)
      6. Killing or wounding a combatant who, having laid down his arms or having no longer means of defence, has surrendered at discretion; (I really think this depends on the Russian commander. It has happened, but currently two live UA military personnel are worth six dead Russians (yeah, I know, weird, but those are the current rules) so the Russians are getting cagier about shooting them after capture.)
      7. Making improper use of a flag of truce, of the flag or of the military insignia and uniform of the enemy or of the United Nations, as well as of the distinctive emblems of the Geneva Conventions, resulting in death or serious personal injury; (I haven’t heard this, but watch this space)
      8. The transfer, directly or indirectly, by the Occupying Power of parts of its own civilian population into the territory it occupies, or the deportation or transfer of all or parts of the population of the occupied territory within or outside this territory; (Well, the Russians already did this in Donbas, so I’m going to take this as ongoing, since it is.)
      9. Intentionally directing attacks against buildings dedicated to religion, education, art, science or charitable purposes, historic monuments, hospitals and places where the sick and wounded are collected, provided they are not military objectives; (Russians bombed a theatre full of evacuated children; April 15 2022 bombed the WCKitchen in Kharkiv, which fed 15k people a day, destroying it and wounding 4 prep chefs.)
      10. Subjecting persons who are in the power of an adverse party to physical mutilation or to medical or scientific experiments of any kind which are neither justified by the medical, dental or hospital treatment of the person concerned nor carried out in his or her interest, and which cause death to or seriously endanger the health of such person or persons; (apparently not, or not yet, or not reported yet)
      11. Killing or wounding treacherously individuals belonging to the hostile nation or army; (it’s happened, not proven)
      12. Declaring that no quarter will be given; (not proven)
      13. Destroying or seizing the enemy’s property unless such destruction or seizure be imperatively demanded by the necessities of war; (Christ alive, they walked off with every washing machine in Eastern UA.)
      14. Declaring abolished, suspended or inadmissible in a court of law the rights and actions of the nationals of the hostile party; (Russian newscasters have said it but I don’t know if an authority in the zone of hostilities has done that. I do know that they’ve replaced town councils with Russian plants.)
      15. Compelling the nationals of the hostile party to take part in the operations of war directed against their own country, even if they were in the belligerent’s service before the commencement of the war; (This is already happening)
      16. Pillaging a town or place, even when taken by assault; (This has happened so often that it’s not even worthy of commentary by UA media any more, it’s just assumed that the Russian forces are a plague of locusts who will remove everything portable of value)
      17. Employing poison or poisoned weapons; (not proven)
      18. Employing asphyxiating, poisonous or other gases, and all analogous liquids, materials or devices; (Not proven)
      19. Employing bullets which expand or flatten easily in the human body, such as bullets with a hard envelope which does not entirely cover the core or is pierced with incisions; (likely true but not proven)
      20. Employing weapons, projectiles and material and methods of warfare which are of a nature to cause superfluous injury or unnecessary suffering or which are inherently indiscriminate in violation of the international law of armed conflict, provided that such weapons, projectiles and material and methods of warfare are the subject of a comprehensive prohibition and are included in an annex to this Statute, by an amendment in accordance with the relevant provisions set forth in articles 121 and 123; (Russian forces have used cluster bombs; “The UN Human Rights Monitoring Mission in Ukraine has previously said it had received credible allegations that Russian armed forces have used cluster munitions in populated areas in Ukraine. The nongovernmental organization Human Rights Watch (HRW) has also confirmed Russia’s use of cluster munitions throughout the conflict” – as per CNN online today.)
      21. Committing outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment; (Filming captured UA military personnel for rebroadcast in Russia and on Youtube.) PLEASE NOTE THAT THE UKRAINIANS ARE DOING THIS AND WILL HAVE TO ANSWER FOR IT. They’ve been sending photos of dead soldiers id’d through facial rec to moms in Russia and SCUSE ME THAT’S A WAR CRIME.
      22. Committing rape, sexual slavery, enforced prostitution, forced pregnancy, as defined in article 7, paragraph 2 (f), enforced sterilization, or any other form of sexual violence also constituting a grave breach of the Geneva Conventions; (First report of gang rape in Eastern Ukraine was two days after the invasion started on Reddit, there have been hundreds upon hundreds since, including forced pregnancy, and the rape of an 11 year old boy in front of his mother tied to a chair, and the soldier and the wife who had a conversation in which she gave him permission to rape Ukrainian women have been identified (man, how embarrassing is that /s))
      23. Utilizing the presence of a civilian or other protected person to render certain points, areas or military forces immune from military operations; (Use of human shields has not been common but it has been reported)
      24. Intentionally directing attacks against buildings, material, medical units and transport, and personnel using the distinctive emblems of the Geneva Conventions in conformity with international law; (Once again, the Red Cross abandoned Mariupol specifically because their personnel and equipment was being targeted for strikes by Russian forces.)
      25. Intentionally using starvation of civilians as a method of warfare by depriving them of objects indispensable to their survival, including wilfully impeding relief supplies as provided for under the Geneva Conventions; (This has been multiply reported by multiple sources.)
      26. Conscripting or enlisting children under the age of fifteen years into the national armed forces or using them to participate actively in hostilities. (They’ve stolen enough UA boy children to have enough time to propagandize them and turn them into soldiers in large numbers in a couple of years, and the genocidal theft continues.)   

Most of this shown below is a repeat, but it shows that EVEN IF Putin declares that this military adventure is an internal matter for the Russian government to deal with… that it is an armed conflict not of an international character ….  the FUCKING RULES ABOUT WAR CRIMES – the crimes for which you can be tried – still apply.

RUSSIA IS A SIGNATORY TO ALL OF THIS. <——- so Putin can’t skate on this as not being war crimes, EVEN IF it’s an armed conflict not of an international character or a ‘special military operation’ or whatever the fuck bogus locution in any language whatsoever that he throws at it.

        1. In the case of an armed conflict not of an international character, serious violations of article 3 common to the four Geneva Conventions of 12 August 1949, namely, any of the following acts committed against persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention or any other cause:
          1. Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;
          2. Committing outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment;
          3. Taking of hostages;
          4. The passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgement pronounced by a regularly constituted court, affording all judicial guarantees which are generally recognized as indispensable.
        2. Paragraph 2 (c) applies to armed conflicts not of an international character and thus does not apply to situations of internal disturbances and tensions, such as riots, isolated and sporadic acts of violence or other acts of a similar nature.
        3. Other serious violations of the laws and customs applicable in armed conflicts not of an international character, within the established framework of international law, namely, any of the following acts:
          1. Intentionally directing attacks against the civilian population as such or against individual civilians not taking direct part in hostilities;
          2. Intentionally directing attacks against buildings, material, medical units and transport, and personnel using the distinctive emblems of the Geneva Conventions in conformity with international law;
          3. Intentionally directing attacks against personnel, installations, material, units or vehicles involved in a humanitarian assistance or peacekeeping mission in accordance with the Charter of the United Nations, as long as they are entitled to the protection given to civilians or civilian objects under the international law of armed conflict;
          4. Intentionally directing attacks against buildings dedicated to religion, education, art, science or charitable purposes, historic monuments, hospitals and places where the sick and wounded are collected, provided they are not military objectives;
          5. Pillaging a town or place, even when taken by assault;
          6. Committing rape, sexual slavery, enforced prostitution, forced pregnancy, as defined in article 7, paragraph 2 (f), enforced sterilization, and any other form of sexual violence also constituting a serious violation of article 3 common to the four Geneva Conventions;
          7. Conscripting or enlisting children under the age of fifteen years into armed forces or groups or using them to participate actively in hostilities;
          8. Ordering the displacement of the civilian population for reasons related to the conflict, unless the security of the civilians involved or imperative military reasons so demand;
          9. Killing or wounding treacherously a combatant adversary;
          10. Declaring that no quarter will be given;
          11. Subjecting persons who are in the power of another party to the conflict to physical mutilation or to medical or scientific experiments of any kind which are neither justified by the medical, dental or hospital treatment of the person concerned nor carried out in his or her interest, and which cause death to or seriously endanger the health of such person or persons;
          12. Destroying or seizing the property of an adversary unless such destruction or seizure be imperatively demanded by the necessities of the conflict;
        4. Paragraph 2 (e) applies to armed conflicts not of an international character and thus does not apply to situations of internal disturbances and tensions, such as riots, isolated and sporadic acts of violence or other acts of a similar nature. It applies to armed conflicts that take place in the territory of a State when there is protracted armed conflict between governmental authorities and organized armed groups or between such groups.
  1. Nothing in paragraph 2 (c) and (e) shall affect the responsibility of a Government to maintain or re-establish law and order in the State or to defend the unity and territorial integrity of the State, by all legitimate means.

 

 

Image

 

jesus parkour christ

The ever left Paul Blinkhorn shares this gem on twitter today, to which my response was candid and unhappy. The National Front, which grew out of the homegrown fascists of the 20s and 30s and still exists in the UK although with neither seats nor electoral results, literally showed a platform INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM THAT OF CONTEMPORARY TORIES. Except for the capital punishment, and they only left that one in place because live prisoners are more of a revenue stream for Tory prison contract lobbyists than dead ones, and I wish I was exaggerating.

The next time someone asks you what is an Overton window, you can tap this post and say THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

Ryker

Katie provided me with a little light therapy yesterday. It’s stupid to say that a baby is the light of a house. I mean, I loved my own kids with a fierceness that scared me – and one can argue that it isn’t love, more like an accumulation of shared experiences that starts before birth and is dependent on hormones – and Ryker’s ability to make an entire room smile is thus explained.

But he’s a remarkably pleasant human being; not perfect, but perfect for a baby, so that twenty second period as he gazes at you until he recognizes you as part of ‘my people’ is always fraught. And then he smiles, and wiggles, and the world is better for a fragile second.

No kudos. I’m going to try to write, later, but right now all I can think of is a roast beef slider and coffee to start my day.

We’re watching episode three of Raised By Wolves (just started) and Jeff says, “As I get older I hate religion more and more.”

I understand this sentiment very well, but said, “I believe my experience has given me a better understanding of its consolations and benefits,” and Jeff acknowledged that I probably had a more useful take. But that said, the pure misogyny, life or death control over minor children and social control of  everyone else involved forced on us by religions makes the whole enterprise suspect. Even Unitarians do evil.

Know well that I love you all, and I’d feel that way even if Christianity didn’t put that as a requirement on us that even atheists feel through repeated ‘lessons’. After all, you signed up for this blog, or wandered into it by accident. So here, have a blessing.

In purple handwritten font: have a blessedly free from religion day!

beautiful day for a pap smear

So I saw the doc, got a pap smear, had to wait an hour and a half. “Everything looks fine down there” what a relief eh.

Something odd came out of the overnight BP study. A couple of hours after I went to sleep that night my BP crashed and stayed there for about two hours. I mean crashed; literally so low that I’d be hospitalized. I guess I just have to be a weirdo. Otherwise the drugs seem to be doing their job and I’m not in Sky High About To Pop a Clog territory any more.

Jeff gave me a no-SMS-card phone so I have a calculator and alarm and game platform and I have now killed both of the chargers he loaned me so I have to replace them.

Got my meds re-upped – yet another change, this time because the drug is literally so old the drug company doesn’t want to make it in that formulation anymore, sounds like me. Anyway that’s set up and I should have enough prescriptions to cover me during an earthquake. I’ll be going off the inderal eventually. Very glad I’ve added vitamin c to the mix of pills I take every morning – as is often the case my teeth hurt less.

Today maybe I’ll get that bloodwork done, but it’s more likely because I have to go to the same building for my prescription,

Katie, Alex, Ryker and I are going to travel to Victoria at some point. This means that M&D have to re-jig their visiting from other relatives which I kinda feel bad about but it would have been hella worse if the unvaxxed baby breathed all over the immunocompromised elder, so at least everyone involved has consent. We’re also going to do RATs before we leave to ensure none of us are actively illin’.

I am not going to comment about the assault at the Oscars because as far as I can tell, with maybe one exception, every single white person whose comments I’ve seen has applied all the intersectionality of non-Euclidean geometry and all the nuance of a cast iron frying pan flung across the kitchen. Given that I am not the great white hope (sarcasm alert…. sarcasm & POOR CHOICE OF PHRASING alert) of contemporary anti-racism activities and thought, I won’t do better and therefore, if you want to know how I feel about it (I have three main points to make) you can ask me in person, and of your kindness, wear the rainsuit.

I am not going to comment as much about the Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine. I’m against it; I continue to donate and send letters and whatnot in the background; Putin won’t give up until he’s dead or deposed; Canada is as involved as it reasonably can be and maybe even more so anyplace it can get away with it; Russia and India and China are now doing a pavane and in the end China will crush Russia. In terms of will, planning, execution and numbers, China can’t do anything else.

The suffering of the Ukrainian people, and the Russians dragged into this war by violent paranoid old bigots, is not imaginable by those not experiencing it; we uphold their courage and denounce the frauds who’ve started this terrible slaughter.

6646 words, still waiting on further oomph to finish it. Haven’t seen any kudos yet this morning. I got the wordle in 5 this morning, but it was a complete bear of a word.

 

 

Three loads full

I give thanks to the people, the land and water, the sky and creatures, the weather and the seasons, of this place. I will keep working to restore the stewardship of the Salish peoples and uphold their immemorial relationship to the beautiful lands and waters. It is not mine although they share it with me. #LandBack

Three loads of laundry yesterday. I haven’t dragged it back up the stairs to put it  away but, apart from my lilac hoodie which I neglected to include and must be laundered right away because it’s foul with spilled food (sigh), my clothes be clean.

Schrödingers dishwasher – did I run the damned thing or not.

Cleaned out Buster’s gammy ear this morning. Normally he bats at me and protests, but he was purring and gave me a little thank you chirp when I was done, so I think he was mebbe a little itchy.

Paul straightened things out with his housemates, and acknowledged to me by phone that his behaviour was boned. But Katie’s mellowed and I have not talked to Keith. Still thinking about the driving issue.

Curls fell out of my do but it’s still really cute and I love it. A bad haircut can ruin you but not for long and a good haircut just makes everything better. Interestingly I thought my hair was all the same colour but the ends were both darker and more washed out, if that’s possible, and now all the hair colour seems quite even to me, and the silver shine is (according to my stylist) something people pay thousands of dollars to obtain and maintain. God (for some reason) thinks I’m cool to extrude this stuff, and it’s great, because I can be harassing someone on reddit or going to the bathroom and I can still grow hair with undiminished vigour.

I told the stylist that one liner from James C., one of my all time favourite coworkers at the big X. About 15 years ago, at work, I read something like, “Hair is a sexual signalling device” so I wrote all the coworkers that I liked a little email, asking what their hair says about them, and he said, “My hair stands straight up,” and it was the best joke ever because he didn’t swear or even say anything particularly rude but it SURE got the point across and it makes me helpless with giggles every time I recollect it. And that email would get me fired these days and I’m okay with that.

I want that turkey sandwich from Big Star with cranberry sauce for lunch, calice. If it’s as good as the number 27 I’ll be happy. If you charge twelve fifty for a sammich it had better be good, and that was superlative.

Fourteen kudos this morning including one from my third fave fanfic writer. So that was pleasant. I’m thinking of sending mOm a variant of the drunk on the beach story (I ended up writing THREE VERSIONS OF A SINGLE STORY – I wrote one version in word (I never do that) and LOST IT LIKE WHOOSH INTO THE ETHER WHAT IN THE ENTIRE FUCK and then rewrote it, and then rewrote it again to be even more sappy. BABY GOATS BRINGING THE RINGS TO THE GROOMS AT A WEDDING NOOOOO. Actually not but the idea of a baby goat gambolling down the aisle at an outdoor wedding and then running off with the rings made me laugh so hard I put it in to troll one of the characters.

STOP WAR AND EAT POUTINE says the pic from a recent antiwar demo in Paris. Apparently Vladimir Poutine is what some convoyancers call Justin Trudeau.

Pierre Poilevre has a fortune of 9 million dollars – which he got pandering to oil companies – and it’s more than Trudeau has – and he’s speechifying about Trudeau being a rich elitist etc. Get bent Pierre and while so posed please do ram a caltrop through your scrotum, you’ll never be PM. Some people want Trump to run Canada But I Sure As Fuck Do Not.

scanged from WorkingClassHistory on Insta:

Women Anarchists have become the terror of world’s police – Their Daring Crimes are said to have outstripped the deeds of brothers of the red

Search for the woman is becoming a safe rule in crimes proceeding from anarchistic violence – the guardians of the world nearly always find a woman implicated when a ruler is stricken down – EMOTIONAL WOMEN LOSE SENSE OF FEAR.

yeah baby

Ayesha’s buried in the yard

She has Miss Margot, Gizmo, Eddie, Zeek!, Kira and Bounce to keep her company. Paul said he’ll miss her head butts, and her little chirps, and her full body wriggles.

Paul’s grief stricken. I made him a light lunch and Jeff made him tea and we’re just being peaceful and mellow and unutterably sad at 2 pm. (we then watched a documentary about the Concorde and SST and a Hudson and Rex). Now it’s 5:30 and Paul is going home. His blood pressure is troublingly high and I told him to go to hospital but likely he won’t.

There’s more than one thing to be worried about. I left a message with Katie and wrote out the numbers for him and he put them in his wallet.

existential crises have I one

I will have none whenever I’m done
pleasantly cynical isn’t the style
so I’ll
resurrect a ‘childhood horror’

Nobody knows but me
It isn’t your burden to bear
Nobody knows but me
And, fuck it all, I’m gonna share

in the first years of my teenhood
abysmally utterly greenhood
I lie each night and the bedbugs that bite
are mushroom clouds and Auschwitz crowds
that aren’t just a sigh in a closet
history runs we can’t pause it
but I do not want to be in it
not even for one single minute

If it’s like that

_______________________________________________________

and it’s like that again

If Putin is blowing up dreams in Europe
I now have three questions to ask
when did I notice and when did I act
Is history now Putin’s tale to redact
I for one think that the world’s on the brink
while reliving my childhood terror

unattached to the foregoing::
during the writing of this poem my daughter called me laughing and joking with Alex, they’re doing spelling homework and using it as an opportunity to work the spelling words into song parodies (‘scale’ into “Sail” for example, and to register the Allegra contextual impact you have to know that this song was part of our morning warmup tape when we had the shop). . .and I couldn’t respond properly. In addition to this on going mood I’m in, I have a 24 hour blood pressure cuff on and it KEEPS TURNING ITSELF OFF which is not assisting my apocawyptic bwoodings. I’m migraining as well, horrific multicoloured jagged swirls mostly in the left side of my visual field.

 

I’ve been waiting for this book since July

Just got it out of the library; open it with anticipation. Three pages in I’m like I AM IN THE WRONG BOOK. I don’t care about this. I don’t care about this character. I don’t like how it’s written. I blame Putin. I probably would have loved this book if I’d started two weeks ago.

Anyway it won all the awards and every single human being I know who reviewed it adored it and I’m like WHYYYYY