My dad used to make unholy amounts of fun of my mother for reading Harlequin Romances – and yes, I did read a fair amount of them myself when I was younger. He called them Nurse Nelly Nurdles and implied that her brains were turning into necrotic mush anytime she relaxed with one.
So herewith, the internet’s premier collection of BOOKS WITH NURSES.
The cover art alone is worth the price of admission.
I can hardly believe it myself, but I too once read (for a short period of time) Harlequin Romances. I also remember you saying you were in the process of writing one of these books yourself. Maybe you were kidding, but I believed you were in fact going to do just that. Do you remember what YOU referred to these books as? I’m laughing, remembering it like it was yesterday.
I wrote one entire harlequin romance called Heart of Snow (grisly, self indulgent crap) and the first three chapters of a really fun one called Instant Family in which they MEET while she’s in full bore labour, and when she checks out of hospital AMA and he drives her home, freaking out because she’s wanting to do it all by herself, they pull up at her place and when they look across the street at his place his ex wife is in the driveway drop kicking their child, whom he has not seen in five and a half years and WHO SPEAKS NO ENGLISH, back into his life because she has a new fiance and the Marie’s existence is no longer convenient for her. THEN the fun of the instant family begins. She’s a little debilitated because no shit she just had a kid so she kind of needs somebody to lift and carry and he’s completely flummoxed because he has grade ten french and wondergirl is a french english simultaneous translator. So …. you know. One thing leads to another, big misunderstandings, happy ever after. The kind of thing you want to believe except that after the intensity of falling in love with somebody, there’s insurance payments and parent teacher interviews and adultery and life threatening illnesses and drama with inlaws and batshit crazy exes. la la la. Still, you want to believe.
Didn’t I call it porn for women? I got that from Loki.
Yes you opened my eyes with that one. I never looked at romance novels the same after that. I can actually imagine Loki saying that.
Did you ever try to publish Heart of Snow? A lot of authors have made big bucks writing this “grisly, self indulgent crap”.
If I could think of a fake name that conveyed my feelings about the book without giving too much away, I’d consider it. But I have to tell you…. in writing, as in nature, it is a very good thing that some offspring never see the light of day.
How about Love’s Labour Lost, or has that one already been taken?
No a fake name for me, like Incontinentia Buttox, or Hilaria Poot, or Argella Nockcius, or Petrefica Grippe, or Feculina Fumetz, or Torcha Brayn, or Anemone Fleet, or Melpomene Scragg.
I like your name, and I don’t think any of the above are likely author names for a best selling book. I hope to one (in my lifetime) to see a book on the shelves authored by Allegra Sloman (but not necessarily the “porn for women” that you and Loki speak of). How about a common sense book like “Garbage & something” or expanding on your garbage homily or a book with several homilies!!
I’m heading out to get a decent lunch at La Pointe’s in Bells Corners and then head to Chapters to pick up a book on the 40-30-30 diet. Will let you know how it is (if you haven’t already looked into this).
I’ve lost 1″ on my waist as of yesterday and I don’t know how many pounds I’ve lost due to varying scales. Will weigh in next time I go to the Gym.
While I wouldn’t normally correct you on your own blog, I just can’t let this one go. He actually called them “Nurse Nutty Noodles” – at least that’s my recollection.
Curious thing is, I have outgrown harlequins, she said with a tinge of regret. It took many decades, but it did happen.
I invoke the twisted and perverse powers of LOKI!!!! harrrrrrgh!!!!!
So what DID you say, if you had to transliterate it?
I think that it was nurse nutty nurdles, hoping to evoke going insane by having your brain curdled. Hope you brought some biscotti.