I think the technical term is shitshow.

Dear Rob,

Wow.  (I deleted the wow, as it was a trifle twee.  But that was my first response).

I told you I had another call coming in – which I did, from my insurance company – and that I wasn’t interested. I am sorry that you interpreted me having to take another call, and me saying that I wasn’t interested, as unprofessionally hanging up on you, but I commend your gumption in continuing to try to make the sale.
This email will confirm that I am not interested in working with your firm and that I am requesting that your firm delete my phone and contact info.  I undertake to delete the previously forwarded draft contract.
Your email today I will treasure always as a shining example of what never to say to a potential customer.  Because, dear sir, if this is the aggrieved and self-righteous tone you exhibit to customers you haven’t landed, I shudder to think how you treat the ones tied to your firm with a five year contract.  (editors note, the contract was badly scanned and kinda illegible in parts.  guh).

On Tue, Mar 5, 2013 at 9:19 AM, Rob of a certain POS provider, which I am redacting because I bet these dudes would take not nice action.


Dear ALLEGRA,  (the all caps is a nice touch, doncha think?)


As one business professional to another, I do not appreciate being hung up on. I would show you the respect you deserve and I only ask for the same in return.  


You had brought up a lot of points which could have easily been addressed. 


1) The online reviews were written by companies and banks like the one you have decided to proceed with. That is how they win clients. They write slander online to have as a reference point for clients such as yourself. 

2) We CAN offer the rates that you were quoted. No hidden fees. 

3) We ARE a Canadian company. 

4) We have over 15,000 clients from coast to coast. We do not have the convenience of clients walking into our branch for a business bank account and signing them up for processing as well. We have earned our clients by treating them well and they in turn provide word of mouth advertising. If you like, I can provide you with a number of references and referrals. 


I hope you can see past the unprofessional sales tactics used by your branch and allow us the opportunity to speak again. If not, I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your business ventures. 


Kind regards,




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Born when atmospheric carbon was 316 PPM. Settled on MST country since 1997. Parent, grandparent.

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