So yesterday I pulled my tarot ‘day card’ at midnight, as one does when one works the graveyard shift, and it was ‘The World’. And so I immediately thought this:
Mark 8:36 King James Version (KJV)
36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
And then I thought, what is my soul?
And the answer came, “My family.”
And I realized I hadn’t seen Alex in a month (or it seems so) and burst into tears.
I came home and watched the Expanse with Jeff, and then burst into tears again and said I have to see him.
So I did.
I came in the door and he ran up to it, grinning and nodding, starkers, because he was about to get in the bath with mom.
I was overcome by tiredness and Katie said lie down on the big bed and sleep, and then she brought Alex, made sleepy by his bath, to lie next to me.
And we took a nap together for 2.5 hours, and at one point I whispered to him that he would be warmer if he cuddled with me, and he said “Yuh” and launched himself at me, but I turned my head and so he didn’t break my nose. He woke up snuffling and crying a couple of times and because Zizi was there he could settle down again.
I don’t ever want it to go that long again without seeing him. I was in physical pain, like glass was breaking in my chest.
Thanks Katie and Alex, you refilled my ‘heart bucket’.
I just took toilet paper to Psych Emerg because the two count’em two HK staff didn’t think an hour old stat page was worth their attention. I fully expect to get into trouble about this, and if I do, I’m going to go back to psych emerg and tell them I got shit for it, and then I’ma buy popcorn.
For I know, since I clear their cache for them, that both the full time staffers on days and afternoons are looking hard like hard hard for better work. Disciplinary measures never looked so good in prospect. Like I said. Popcorn.
Editing progresses. I think, after all this Supernatural fanfic (I’ve written 50K words since the middle of January…. insane, right??) it’s time I quit trying to pull someone else’s canoe to shore.
Some kind soul left a box of jalebi in the cafeteria and in a shameful show of carnal weakness I absconded with one. But only one. Hand to god, only one.