4 am thoughts

  • The expression “Be careful what you wish for” just morphed from “Your thoughts have the power to change reality” to “If you wish for something bad on someone else and it happens, you will have to deal with how it makes you feel as a person about yourself” – I mean, unless you are really clueless. I have been wishing for emotional pain to land on somebody I don’t like for a while. I don’t know whether it’s happening or not, but I woke up at 3 am thinking, “You know, I’d feel awful it it happened, because I know what it’s like.” I’d like to think that the buckets of tears I’ve cried over the last two years have meant something; at very least that I’ll be more careful about putting myself into situations where tears appear necessary. Maybe that I’m trying to be more compassionate. Anyway, I’ve tossed some emotional baggage over the side, and while not always accompanied by tears, such thoughts seem to dovetail neatly with insomnia.
  • I had twelve unpacked boxes. Maybe sixteen… I still can’t find what I’m looking for, but I’ve unpacked some more. Soon more stuff can go into storage. Jeff found it amusing that I hadn’t realized all those boxes in the middle room were mine. Duh….
  • I really enjoy having friends drop by. Jeff keeps the public areas of the house comfortably tidy, so I never feel freaked out if people come over. And if you have beer or biscotti to stuff into them when they arrive that generally bodes well.
  • Tonight was the first night I got woken up by multiple sirens. Where I used to live in East Burnaby, we got sirens practically every night, and ALWAYS on Fridays and Saturdays. When I went to live up the hill, it became so still every night that it sometimes seemed rather post-apocalyptic, what with the fog and the eerie stillness. When I get woken by sirens, I pray for a good outcome, and experience gratitude that I live someplace where somebody cares enough to come rescue me if I screw up. Yes, atheists pray; that’s what I call what’s going on in my mind every time I wish for something I don’t have the capacity to make happen. I’m not praying to the, a or any God; we haven’t been introduced so asking him.her.it.they for something seems a little presumptuous.
  • I get to see little Darwin today!
  • I get to eat dinner and schmooze with Kopper and then she and I and Peggy will see jazz today!
  • I have only been up half an hour and I’ve already let the cats in and out three times each. Cazart!
  • Daughter Katie is out of town for three days at an in-laws wedding. All the rest of Suzanne’s kids bailed on her; the date was set three months ago; Katie couldn’t be in two places at once; so she sends her regrets with respect to seeing Darwin but she really did have a previous commitment.
  • The soundtrack for Juno is adorable. I found it on the network drive at work. Does this mean that somebody’s about to kick my door in, or is that in September when the new law takes effect?
  • I have been seesawing back and forth about my job. LTGW said yesterday apropos of nothing, “Is anybody really happy at work?” and I just sat there stupefied that he would ask such a thing. When I collected my wits, I said, “I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Then I thought some more and realized that the two things I like best about my job are direct contact with end user customers and my coworkers. As long as I have those, I’m staying put.
  • Jeff and LTGW appear to be favourably impressed with each other. I’m not expecting all my friends to like Jeff and vice versa, but it makes my life easier if they do. Besides, collectively, my friends have godlike powers to make extraordinary shit happen with exhilarating speed and deftness, yow!
  • I’m on twitter as allegras, if anybody cares. I only check on line.
  • Tammy told me something her boyfriend said that was so romantic and mature that I just kvelled.
  • Downstairs neighbour let me cut in line for the laundry. Thank you!
  • I don’t like listening to people yell at their kids.  I’m getting it from two directions these days.  Of course I yelled at mine but I don’t believe I did it as a steady diet.
  • I’m going to ride my bike someplace today, I just haven’t figured out where. I don’t think this rain will last – it looks like clearing somewhat.
  • A two stroke fired up close to our front door yesterday and Jeff said, what the hell’s dat noise? I looked. When I came back I said, “Somebody is burning oil to take care of his lawn.” It was a compactor or some such device. In ten to wenty years, only the supremely rich will even bother – everybody else will be growing food in the same space. Every day I see things that make me think, “Won’t have THAT as an annoyance much longer…”
  • It now being 5 am, I’m going to head back to my comfy bed and try to grab some more shut-eye.

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Born when atmospheric carbon was 316 PPM. Settled on MST country since 1997. Parent, grandparent.

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