the repetition

I told mOm about it, but I’ll tell all of you because there’s aspects of grandmotherhood that are not perfect, but then grandmother activates her superpower: waiting.

When Alex was born I got to hold him. Then I didn’t get to go near him until he was talking, because he was an anxious baby and only his mother would do. But I waited. I didn’t argue with his mom (over a baby? wow, to make mom unhappy) or scold the baby for not liking me or take to social media about how his parents were keeping him from me, I waited.

And now we have the funniest and tenderest conversations lying in the dark when he comes over for a sleepover, and he only comes over when he wants to. To be liked by a child because you’re family and you love them and you’re just part of their world is a very steadying and grounding thing.

So when I watch Ryker, who’s being looked after three days a week by Suzanne (who says it’s exhausting, and I know that is true) as he SL O  O  W LY wakes up after his nap by repeatedly banging his forehead into the unpadded collarbones and shoulder bones of her chest, while occasionally sitting up to giggle, I am not filled with resentment at being usurped. I am filled with contentment that my grandson has all the care he needs, that he is safe, and that he sometimes giggles sleepily to himself for no other reason that he’s happy to be alive, and if it’s Suzanne prompting those giggles, I’ll share in them soon enough.

He’s starting to talk. He says ‘up’, and babbles a bit. Paul says he’s a screamer, but I got no evidence of that yesterday.

Paul was at his volunteer job at the thrift store, but Keith and Suzanne and I had a brief convo about ‘the situation’ and the garage sale, and I filled Dax in as he might have something he wanted to put in the sale. I ran an errand after – I finally have big envelopes for the big letters in large print I send to people, as well as chunks of manuscript for mOm – and I got another reel for the label-maker. Damn !! going in to Staples is hazardous, but apart from the big bag of Wine Gums I left with what I was erranding for.

I only did a small amount of decrufting yesterday, but I am working at it every day and I can see progress. I’ll see a LOT MORE progress once I get Grandad’s desk cleared off.

Wordle in 5 – it was a bear – and I’m supposed to get up and do a shop and I only just woke up LOL. Lumosity and other stuff later I guess.

Just shopped. Opened the Nut Hut delivery and they sent me $15 of organic walnuts FOR FREE. So I’m giving the whole bag to Suzanne when she comes tomorrow because they are the nicest walnuts EVAR.

Everyone have a fantastic day.


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Born when atmospheric carbon was 316 PPM. Settled on MST country since 1997. Parent, grandparent.

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