as good a day as

at 5 am I walked the face shields over to Planet Bachelor and briefly saw our grandson (Paul got up to take a leak while I was there staggering across the eye like a zombie in the background, grunting at my greeting) and Katie, who gave me the joy of her company for a brief moment, and a lift home. Raining off and on all day.

Around 10 am Jeff and I trekked out and committed 6 WHOLE ERRANDS – me in medical mask and face shield, Jeff in his homemade mask; Shoppers Drug Mart, The eyecare place, Kin’s Farm Market, the bank machine in the Colonial City Mall, gas and treats at the 7-11. We parted ways to increase efficiency and achieved our goals in very smart order, retreating to the joys of Time Team and New Tricks, among other TV offerings, and things like laundry and dishes and making a lovely fresh salad and bringing new guys up to speed on the old server, for the rest of day. Cold chicken sliced over salad with a side of fresh corn on the cob for dinner.

It was a productive day, and the anxiety level in the house is way down.

I know that it is ludicrous that I feel safer walking around with a facemask but I really do. I’m shedding 95 percent less crap when I do, and I’m definitely less of a danger to the people around me, even if they look appalled and give me a wide berth as I pass. I’m going to double up whenever I go out now.

Miss Margot with a flicker feather in her fur

Geezer Dome

TWO GEEZERS ENTER

First Geezer says, “I’m not quite sure why I’m here. Can I leave yet?”

Second Geezer says, “I thought I knew why I was here, I was hoping I could figure it out from context once I got here!”

First Geezer says, “Perhaps we should repair to the closest tea shop and consider our options.”

Second Geezer says, “All these people look like they’re expecting us to fight.”

CROWD ROARS IN A SINGULARLY UNPLEASANT BLOODSPORT SORT OF WAY

First Geezer says, “Maybe we can fight in Algebra.”

Second Geezer says, “I’d prefer to fight hypothetically.”

First Geezer says, “Still holding out for tea.”

Second Geezer links arms with First Geezer, “Now I remember, I wanted to tell you there are now TWO slugs on the downstairs bathroom floor, carefully watched over by a spider!”

EXEUNT BOTH WHILE CROWD BOOS

mask making

I assembled all of my materials for mask making; I made nose pieces for 7 masks out of available materials; I ironed the fabric; I ceased operations because I realized I literally do not have the coping capacity to wind a frickin’ bobbin. Heavy sigh. Tomorrow morning I promise it will start again.

I washed and folded hand towels today and made coffee.

I worked on a tune and read fanfic.

I am so fucking terrified

I am having trouble marshalling my thoughts and I’m having a hard time telling my physical from my emotional sensations.

I don’t want to leave the house, but we’re going to go shopping.

I don’t want to make someone else sick. The winnowing fan hasn’t come close yet and I don’t want it to. I want to walk a golden path through this because I deserve it. I want to catch it to burn off my sins. I want to catch it to spare ones that I love, as if the virus knows that kind of math.

The math of dreams and denial; the math of a sick thought burning a furrow through my nerves.

I need sugar, and flour, and toilet paper, and I don’t know what we’re going to find at the store.

 

8:23 am – we shopped during the old people’s hour, and it was okay, but there is no sugar, no flour and no toilet paper.

from the Nib today…. this

Giri Haji is not a show about Japanese gagsters

I am liking this show SO MUCH AND WE ONLY HAVE ONE EP LEFT wail

Did you know coyotes and badgers have been known to hunt together? There’s video on the internet that looks like the first shot of a movie. Further pics.

Storage Jar (1858), David Drake.
Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York Stoneware vessel (1858), David Drake At the Stony Bluff Manufactory in Old Edgefield, South Carolina, the enslaved potter David Drake made stoneware vessels of extraordinary workmanship, often inscribed with short poems describing their owner and function. ‘When you fill this Jar with pork or beef / Scot will be there; to get a peace’ is carved into one side of the vessel, among other lines. This is of 40 known surviving ‘poem vessels’ by Drake, and the first to enter the Met’s collection.

 

 

Japanese folk art called Temari

Image

Source, Nana Akua, photographing her grandmother’s  work. Shown are 24 brightly coloured embroidered balls in a variety of mostly geometric patterns, showing tremendous skill and design subtlety

That balloon we’ve been talking about; it’s gone up. NC2019 is forcing the admissions of 100 people per day in Wuhan and it’s appeared in Singapore and Thailand. Just learned this from Helen Branswell from an article from China that hasn’t been translated into English yet.

Not too much to report

Watched Avengers Endgame. I found it quite enjoyable compared to most of the superhero movies out there, a good exit from the franchise(s) for Scarlet and Robert.

Jeff is enjoying the performance of Ned Dennehy as Paddy in Glitch on Netflix. Apparently when he was cast, the director was ‘looking for the best looking actor in Ireland and Colin Farrell wasn’t available’. One can characterize Mr. Dennehy as many things, but good looking in the standard issue way is not one of them. LOL

Also he was Hastur in Good Omens; he was fricking fantastic. His screaming is really epic.

Walked to Timmy Ho’s yesterday with Jeff; I’m well in train for getting 150 minutes of walking in, and when I’m walking Alex to school I’ll be getting a minimum of 300 minutes a week in with a school aged child in tow so I imagine I’ll instantly be in shape for that.

Anyway, I think I’ll head off to Timmy Ho’s again; I really enjoyed that coffee yesterday and what can I say, I’d enjoy the walk before it gets so hot we melt.

year end round up – all the best up to the number of 50 which is so freaking arbitary

  1.  Jeff
  2.  Recovering a normal digestive schedule after getting rid of my ulcer last year
  3.  Wrote a lot of songs (melodies, airs and instrumentals) this past year
  4.  Published Upsun
  5.  Alex
  6.  Mike
  7.  Peggy
  8.  mOm and pOp
  9.  Keith continues to challenge himself and the results are wonderful
  10.  Katie is a safety officer and if someone had told me that when she was 15 I’d have fucking choked to death laughing, or possibly crying, or walking into a door from just the utter strangeness of such a happening
  11.  Reconnecting on twitter with my second oldest friend, Liz GOD WE ARE LAUGHING NOOOOOW
  12.  The Black, Latinx, trans, disabled, Indigenous and combinations thereof activists and academics on twitter who hold me to my oath to improve my understanding of gender and race every damned day
  13.  @GreatDismal is great on twitter (William Gibson of Neuromancer fame) because he supports his wife and children in their endeavours, reposts the coolest damned stuff, and is fucking hilarious in that standard low key way of his.
  14. @DecolonialBlack – his tweets are one third pure fire, one third reasoned argument and one third hilarity through a very fine lens and all of it educational as hell
  15. @cricketcrocker I won’t say she’s my fave Indigenous person on twitter cause I still think
  16. @apihtawikosisan is that person mostly because of how she talks about her kids and also her clarity with language is like drinking elfin wine
  17.  @ConnerHabib is my fave male sex worker / cultural commentater on twitter
  18.  @whoresofyore is so wonderful in so many ways she gives me life ALSO she does everything she can to repost pictures of non-white sex workers and also men wearing allied uniforms in wwII which is like freaking awesome. Some of her reposts are racy as hell, and it’s very nice to see some black and white booty for a change in a full colour race toward hell
  19.  @SFdirewolf is getting me on board with disability rights – she is FYYA (FIRE)
  20.  LOVE @ZoeSTodd although sometimes I find her challenging
  21.  @StephanieCarvin is about as politically correct as a hand grenade in a barrel of refugees but she sure has a lot of well researched opinions about Canadian security and so as long as I’m writing about asymmetrical warfare in Vancouver I kinda hafta pay attention – and she is grimly feminist and no chump, so I accept her as she is
  22.  @Olivia_Graciela AKA Auntie Carpet Weed is freaking awesome. If you’re on twitter follow her and get dragged into the light Indigenous women are holding up over their challenges
  23.  @xodanix3 another amazing person worth following. She has a mean streak I quite like.
  24.  @BorschtSiouxp ‏is likewise full of bright beauty and hot takes and awesome
  25.   @IvaCheung takes on user guides, grammar, social justice and life in general and I love her with whatever my gristly heart can beat out
  26.  @Inked_Archivist who not coincidentally is my biggest fan (Upsun series) and posts fantastic SJ stuff from Europa and the Netherlands I wouldn’t otherwise see.
  27.  @GeorgMir is my dose of Austrian game making fandom – a beautiful soul who wants the best for the world and ain’t takin’ no shit in the process
  28.  @APebbleInTheSky is my favourite anarchist
  29.  @rechelon is not my favourite anarchist but I need him because he’s the only anarchist I know of who is remotely consistent in his personal and political life
  30.  @cjane87 is an amazing writer and opinion leader and her comments on sports events especially football have given me more laughs than I can count
  31.  @bogiperson ‏is an amazing writer and anthologist and I’m a better person for reading their posts and links
  32.  @SpicyTunaRo not exactly as spicy as advertised but has given me plenty to chew on regarding Indigenous rights and history
  33.  @MikeStuchbery_ is so wonderful I’m just going to tell anyone who is on twitter to follow him. He’s not always right but he’s edumacational as all get out.
  34.  Alex not drowning on my watch at Edmonds Community Centre
  35.  Paul driving back from Seattle in the rain to housefilk at Cindy’s in January and Paul in general and I hope his ears are burning over what we said about him today, all nice except his driving of course
  36.  @LuxAlptraum, not perfect always perfect for me
  37.  @gerdurhalldora is the magical Icelandic woman who showed me around a very small part of Reykjavik and I’m SO HAPPY I MET HER
  38.  The Iceland trip, all of it.  The landscape, the people, even the food although I’ll eat fermented shark in hell and not before…
  39.  This message on facebook was about me.  IFUCKINGROCK screw the haters

    This morning, I had the longest facebook messenger convo of my life and it was, with little exaggeration and without getting into personal details, a life saver.
    Technology really can overcome distance and give you meaningful connections with people far away.
    Reach out to your friends, and you will get and give support in ways you can’t imagine.
    We all need each other.
    I am grateful and thankful for the love and support of my girlfriends.

  40.  the picture of the grandson of the above noted friend HAPPY SIGH
  41.  really feeling like I’m coming around from this depressed period. writing at least 300 words a day
  42.  Starting to meditate – still not consistent at it but I am enjoying how hard it is
  43.  published 114000 words of fanfic on a03 JUST THIS YEAR if you think I haven’t been writing I basically never stop
  44.  Rawd’s package came for mOm and what a bonanza of family history
  45.  mOm fell down and got a hip 18 months faster than she was booked to, got the surgeon she wanted and got a private room — this is like hitting a hole in one from the moon even if you live in a major metropolitan area in Canada
  46.  season three of The Expanse
  47.  My mOm, just now, reading A PURE FIRE LETTER FROM FAMILY HISTORY ABOUT THE HORRORS OF FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANITY YUP YUP YUP
  48.  Margot dying was horrible but how kind we tried to be about it was not and what happened with Deimos was a fucking tragedy but it was not made worse by the people around me and that’s not nothing
  49.  Mike, who needs two mentions
  50.  Jeff, ditto

Slept 11 hours again

Given that this is during a time of the month I usually have insomnia, let’s assume that working full time, putting a cat down, having bizarre and frightening neurological symptoms, living next door to a construction site since May and two personal issues (which I’ve discussed with my intimates but don’t belong on my blog) have contributed to a localized exhaustion.

I feel okay, my eyes are telling me I was very smart to sleep that long; my right eye is not all resentful.

I can hear Jeff playing with Buster in the kitchen. I should get up and take him to breakfast; him putting up with my vagaries the last little while deserves some kind of acknowledgement.

Don’t let them see.

I have met somebody who wears her heart on her sleeve. I’d like her to tuck it away, but I don’t get to make that call.

She got stuck at the airport. She is in the sf/horror fan community, knows about 30 people in common with me and since it’s her story to tell, how she got stuck there, I will stay quiet.  Katie let me borrow the car to unstick her, and now she’s either asleep or colouring mandalas. A few of the designs are straight up eyepopping.

Got Keith’s Christmas present to me set up – I regifted the Instant Pot from Mike to Katie; I’ll get it back at Litha.

It never ceases to amaze me how much better my life has been because of the people I’ve managed to get close to. Sometimes I think coupling up is an extended magical joke of some kind. Now I’m old and I want completely different things from partners; less excitement and more being there.

I talked to Katie last night and after I got home and started tidying up a bit I was standing at the sink and I just started crying because despite everything, all the stupid anger I’ve been holding onto, she gets me. And so does Keith and so does Paul. I’m glad they didn’t see me crying. They would have been upset on my behalf, and I’m feeling better than I have in ages.

Now I’m going to check if our houseguest is up and start singing like a chicken if she is because I can get away with that, and Jeff’s not ‘hear’ to plead for the sanctity of his eardrums. He’s supposed to be back today; hope the 5 to 10 cm of snow we’re getting (Erie PA got 6 inches of lake effect snow yestreen, how droll) doesn’t hurt his chances of getting back here safe from Victoria.

I salted all the walkways, I’ll salt the driveway before the predicted snow flies too hard. I put so much salt on the back deck that I can now hear it creaking as the compressed snow/ice starts to let go its grip.

That feeling when

Jeff calls the new Hulu show “Burn Tarot” and expects Jeffrey Donovan to be doing voiceovers “When you’re a psychic,” and you laugh so hard you pull a rib.

Some irritated person threatens to call the Site Leader (basically GOD ON CALL) when you warn them that work requests will be slow tonight because you’re at 50% staffing and your response is OH WOULD YOU PLEASE we’ll need her help sorting through all the work requests that were in the system AHEAD OF YOURS. That was 3/4 of an hour ago.  Yeah, you guessed it, no call. Just as an aside I actually paged the Site Leader yesterday and she didn’t answer, so make of that what you will. She probably pulled an Allegra and when she didn’t recognize the number didn’t pick up lollllol.

People who work nights and complain about the workload and do a shitty job and sleep in the ER until 5 am when they wake up and pretend to do more work are on the receiving end of one of your pointier emails.

I have 64 likes on my Supernatural fic and 4 kudos and I’m thinking I KNOW SOMEBODY LIKES MY WRITING and Jeff says my interest in slash fanfic for a show I don’t watch equals zero, interest in MMCo = 100% and you just think squee.

You’ve invented a fanfic universe in which you have a McGuffin to make any character pairing possible (with a lot of effort, but possible).

Your daughter calls and tells you she got a job, a good job, in a union environment, close to home and you’re dancing around like an idjit.

You think ‘I’m actually going to miss this job’. I mean, I quit a month ago and I’m still working here, it’s insane. And some of the people are so much fun, I come in early just so I can interact with them.  Others, well, you know how it is.

I’ve almost paid off my credit card debt and I did it with money I earned.

You forget to tell your mother that you received and deposited the cheque she sent you… a month ago.

You watch the Wrong Box again.

I’m putting it in my pile of movies to watch when I’m feeling icky. Because watching it put a bounce in my step. Figuring out that John Larroquette based his performance in the Librarians in part on Ralph Richardson’s tremendous turn as Joseph Finsbury; (so many classic lines among which ‘the playing of games, with balls of varying sizes’ never fails to crack me up), marvelling at Peter Sellers’ false nose and moggy filled apartment (at one point he mops up an ink blot with a kitten’s ass); drooling over the set dec and costumes, which are lovely, and the script (done in part by Larry Gelbart whom you may also know as one of the creators of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and M*A*S*H the tv show, also family faves), the hilarious and stylish music, with a score by John Barry, also a fave of mine (his theme for the Persuaders was one of the highlights for me on tv when I was a teen); John Mills’ voice; the ridiculous train derailment; Tutte Lemkow, the professional villain, and his entirely mute performance as the knitting mad Bournemouth Strangler. Anyway, if you haven’t seen it, and would like a film that amuses without cloying, it’s really, really good.

So yeah… all in all I’m having a good week, and writing 15k words in 4 days was… interesting. Graphomania is a helluva drug. I was literally pacing when I wanted to write and couldn’t, and that’s PSYCHOMOTOR AGITATION folks.  Perhaps the sun is coming back and making me twitterpated.

 

 

 

the delayment of the inevitablelike

I AM NO QUIT I AM EXTEND SON

I’ll be working until the end of January. The woman I was hired to temporarily replace for medical reasons and to be a casual is now not working for the company, reason unknown. My reasons for not wanting to be there are still in place but I’m getting paid and I don’t have to work weekend days so I don’t care.  Steady middies for me!

It’s amusing that I’m awake now.  The world is white and quiet with snow, and if I was working tonight my shift would be about to start…. I just woke up.

I could use the money, although I’d forgotten the extent to which commuting in the wintertime is such a fricking drag in this burg.

Getting to and from work the last week has chewed through a bus station mop. But… it only took an hour to get home yesterday.

My characters are sad and so am I.  It’s the pathetic fallacy folks.

Also one of them is quitting drinking and I’m walking alongside him for portions of that, which I loathe.

Although I did think of THE MOST DISGUSTING SIXER RELATED GAG I mean I burst out laughing when poor Jeff was trying to watch the Dallas/Tampa game, which was ugly and beautiful and what the hell’s going on with the zebras, and mah God Dak Prescott, but I just had this vision of Sweetie, who is like 3 kilos, being the security guard for the whorehouse, and controlling a patron with the vilest impersonation of Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry one could possibly imagine, and I couldn’t stop laughing because the joke grows organically out of the situation and at this point we could all use a laugh,

because Trump sailed through the Electoral College, and the Republic, tottering after decades of hacking at the Constitution and weak from never dealing with racism and the Civil War, is in full kleptocratic collapse.

What to watch for over 4 years in the US:

Moar racism

Moar war

Higher infant and maternal death rates – this has actually been going on in slow motion over the decade I’ve been keeping track, it’s sickening…

More prison rioting (underreported) as the food in prisons gets worse and worse under Trump’s prison owning buddies

Higher violent death rates, across the board, all kinds – vehicles (road rage), guns, knives, stranglings.

More alcoholism and alcohol related death

More needle drug abuse and higher rates of AIDS HIV infection. More people dying of ODs, pills and otherwise.

Zika running wild in South Florida and the gulf coast and women being forced to carry the fetus to term with no health insurance for a lifetime of need thanks to Republican state legislatures

Hundreds more deaths each year from white people carrying guns, being scared of black people and shooting grandmothers and toddlers but mostly teenage boys who are existing while black

Muslims being burned alive in their mosques. Hasn’t happened yet but it’s going to happen and more than once.

Tripling of deaths in custody. (The statisticians just learned that the number of people who’ve died in custody in the US in the last five years is ACTUALLY DOUBLE what they thought because there’s no reporting mechanism and now the cop unions are trying to prevent any oversight of this statistic at all…)

Diaspora people – Jewish, black and Muslim – who have family and opportunities in Canada, moving here, although they’ll probably need a couple of years of Trump to realize it’s time to get out of town.

Tourism tanks across the US and Trumpites CELEBRATE America for Americans.

Confederates bringing automatic weapons to Pride Days and killing grandmothers and toddlers along with some queers.

Open war on First Nations Land; mass incarcerations and arrests, and Trump’s buddies making money on it.

More legal weed.

Secession talk from more than California.

The Left NEVER calling him President Trump. Just Trump. Or Cheetolini.

Patton Oswalt falling in love again and remarrying.  Because honestly, that man deserves happiness.

Sad family note. Young cousin got a bad (not what he specifically and carefully asked for) haircut… but we have a hairdresser in the family and our relations did not have to have that experience.  I wish it were otherwise but how often does adult convenience drive the nightmares of small children. I speak from sad and memorable experience here, thinking about Katie and the earring back. I still cry when I think about that, tho’ Katie has long since forgiven me.

A friend asked me what my Christmas Day plans were and I said “Reheating takeout and watching Die Hard with my brother” and now we’re eating at Hal and Cassidy’s, go team!

At some point Jeff and I have to leave the house for supplies, but the urban slushy streets are too disgusting….

 

 

Last days, short strokes

I just checked my calendar and my last day is the 23rd; I’ll go in on the 22nd and emerge at dawn into the last two days of schlepping before baby Jesus pops out of the creche and we get 2.5 more months of winter. Good thing I don’t have to buy a damned thing.  My dad wants a home cooked meal, my mOm wants me to finish my books and print them, my kids are getting clothes, Jeff’s getting either nothing or something to do with Antarctica, Paul’s getting biscotti and so’s pretty much everyone else.  Hm perhaps I should locate blackberry jelly. That rarely goes amiss across the pond.

There are definitely parts of this job I enjoyed.  I like nights.  Most of the housekeeping staff and managers on nights are civilized and hardworking individuals. The ones who aren’t, well, I’m not going to talk about them.  The good ones, I’ll miss of course.

Paul because he is AWESOME drove me to work tonight, for no reason, just because he could.  And in so doing improved my mood out of all proportion to the gesture.  (Jeff was asleep long since, or he would have been happy to.)

Jeff is BEING SUPERBRO.  I am very happy to be living with him right now. Of course when I feel like this (all d’awwwww!) I end up cooking, and what is wrong with that?  I’m going to make dough.  Only cinnamon rolls can express my feelings at the moment.  Maybe schnitzel? Maybe we should do a shop, although the roads in this part of the work still suck.  But cinnamon rolls are an important good.

I have learned that I need to wear my orthotics indoors, so I’m going to get house shoes and transfer my orthotics into them when I’m inside.  They will never so much as set foot outside the house.

We need to put more dirt down on the front steps, they are unbelievably slippery.

 

1000 words tonight.  I’m at about 31K words on the new Jesse book. Jeff’s helping with assembling MMCo for publication!! so exciting.  Course all I wanna do is write.  The rest of all that stuff is superbly snoreworthy, at least to a lazy bum like I.

Birthday thoughts

I got 8 and a half hours of sleep today; woke up to Jeff saying it’s good you’re awake Paul and Keith are taking you to dinner! so I rolled out of bed and we went to the Union Jack and had Stuffed Yorkies. I did have a raspberry mojito, but they were on special, and after I had a Shirley Temple, which is different from place to place and the current reigning champeen is served at Brown’s.

Starting to get a routine; come home, stay away until about 9:30 catching up with Jeff and watching PVR stuff, then to bed in two shifts – or one, like today. Up no later than 10, take my vitamins brush my teeth, fix my lunch and out the door I go.  Catch the bus at 10:30 and stroll into work right on time. Coming home the buses hook up so well I’m home in literally half an hour.

I drink tea at night. I’m not drinking coffee unless I’m on days.  I’ve pretty much had to stop drinking beer since starting to work full time so you can just imagine how in-trim my liver’s going to be by Friday, when Mike’s taking me to a gastropub for dinner.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be going to Keith and Paul’s for breakfast and to pick up my glasses which (fingers crossed) Keith will have been able to fix.

Then home for sleepiebyes and one more shift for the week and then it all starts over again on Sunday at 11 pm.

I have to work 4 day shifts at the beginning of December and days in this job are proof that god hates you so yuck, but it’s all money and there are supervisors to consult when things **** up, so yay.

I got almost FIFTY BIRTHDAY WISHES on facebook and five private email wishes for birthday joy, so don’t let anybody tell you I have no friends, which would include me saying it.

My day card was Justice; my ‘year ahead’ tarot reading was wonderful and involves shitpiles of work, coordination and consolidation.

 

YES I am still writing, but my regular part time hours will be less of a kick in the goolies, and that won’t happen until well after the beginning of December, so I guess my deadline of December 12 is now officially toast.  I do understand a) how I’m going to finish it and b) that it is probably going to be at least 15K words shorter than I was expecting, but I won’t really know until it’s done.

 

I has another dreffle sad

Miss Margot bit and clawed the living shit out of me last night as I was petting her.

My description of her behaviour made Nancy LF. on Facebook advise me to check into this ailment.  Jeff and I have noted many times that Margot is not neurotypical. We didn’t think much of it, bu she’s shown every symptom to me except one.

I think whatever is wrong with her is not being helped by Buster’s continual bullying/play requests; she’s definitely stressed.

Diagnosis will be expensive, but she’s obviously unhappy, and something’s gotta shift.