Day: January 21, 2005

Hello, I’d like to order a concrete toilet.

Well, actually, no, it’s not for me.

It’s for my pet elephant.

No, seriously.

You see, I rescue elephants….

No, seriously. I rescue elephants, and I am getting really tired of cleaning up after them. Do you know how much elephants eat? Do you want to know? Well, I’ll keep it simple, a lot.

That’s right, and they poop a lot too. Eat a lot, poop a lot, that’s the law of the universe. Now elephant poop is great stuff, in its place, but when you’ve got 20 elephants in one pen….

Yeah, it gets to be, like, pyramids o’ poop everywhere. So we all brainstormed, and we figured if you can train an elephant to dance, and to paint, and to pick up an egg without breaking it, why the hell not get a little housetraining action going. So it doesn’t need to be anything fancy, just — well, STRONG. Elephants are not small, and it needs to be BIG…Sure, I’ll hold. Hm Hm. That’s funny, I’ve never heard Baby Got Back on hold before.

Yeah, I’m still here. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So when Roy in Quotes quits laughing long enough to do some work, he’ll call me back with a price? Awesome. You guys are great. Oh, and get me volume pricing, I think this is gonna catch on like wildfire at zoos.

He got to listen to me snore last night. Normally this wouldn’t even deserve comment, but he enjoyed it EVEN MORE than usual since he had not had the opportunity in four nights, since he was working nights.

36 hours to Karaoke. I have never done that. I wanted to say I had done it once. Unlike some of the other things I have done once, I can actually talk about it in my blog. A full report on Sunday.

Must control urge to talk about work. I am very angry about something right now, but it has nothing to do with my job or my boss or my customers or my coworkers. I am very very very cheesed with the landlord, and anybody who works there knows EXACTLY why.

Here is one of the gags I wrote for my Comedy Class.

You know those two actors from Nip and Tuck, the plastic surgery show? Women are walking up to them and flashing their breasts at them – you know, wanting a professional opinion. They must be really happy they aren’t playing proctologists. …..on the other hand, they’re in talks to play gynecologists in their next show.

Much more Buffyverse. Got through the episode in which Buffy’s roommate is a demon. One gets the intense suspicion that all of the Buffyverse is a perverse form of therapy for an incredibly miserable and grotesque educational experience. Works for me. I did not know how bad it was at the time.

I really wish I could repeat the funniest line I heard last night but I’m sure my colleague will be using it at the showcase at the Laughing Bean on February 11th and 18th, hint bloody hint.

Pic is from Burning Man, finally. Cam told me where the pics were elsewhere on the web. Credit Cam, obliviously.