What a stiff – May Day Parade

2005-05-02— Posted by: allegra

So my fondest memory of the May Day Worker’s March yesterday was the effigy of Gordon Campbell, flanked by the effigies of two vultures. That was inspired. John and I ran up ahead to get a good look at the effigies; John opined “He’s stiffer in real life” whereas I contributed, “and the smile on the effigy is more genuine”. Full marks to the folks who did the work on that.

The loonies were, of course, in full force. Somebody was wandering around with “information” about chemtrails. I have researched contrails (why not put ‘chem’ in front of EVERYTHING, like, say, chemsex or chemcoffee or chemcars – everything is chemistry, dipstick!) thoroughly and this guy was not serving the cause of socialism. Silly widgeon. I didn’t have the nerve to go up to him and engage him, especially since I know how polite and charming fanatics tend to be.

If I was the benevolent dictatrix of the world
2005-05-02— Posted by: allegra

I would triple the fireworks budget.

I would ensure that in every part of this beautiful jewel of the world, everybody got a day (or a day in lieu) off in the middle of the nicest weather in that part of the world. A day off is no fun if you don’t have the weather to go with it.

I would kick off this campaign by putting Rebellion Day in the calendar the second weekend in June. Now I know, and you know, that the Battle of Batoche took place in May, and Riel was born October 22, and he was hanged on, coincidentally, my birthday, November 16. But let me ask you a question…. Do you want any more freaking holidays in November or October? Do you think we could get another one in May? Nope, Rebellion Day must, I regret, be put in June. It is for the good of this land. It is for our healing. It is to acquire the warrior spirit by acts of great merit. Calling it Riel Day would be problematic; unless it was something like “Riel ran out of Toilet Paper Day” which is about the state of new ‘holidays’ anyway. Enough holiday talk.

I would arbitrarily command some men to wear robes with cute corded sashes and really cool hoods.

I must pause in my deliberations a moment and listen to my cat. He snores like no other creature I have ever encountered; when he lies under the bed snoring I sometimes feel like an extra in a horror movie; at least half a dozen times, I have felt my eyes go wide and my bladder go uneasy. I think “Myyyy Gawwwwwwwwwwd what IS that noise?” and then I realize it is Zeek! Snoring. Again. He’s made me think he’s something monstrous when he’s a butt lazy middle aged eunuch cat with FLEA HOTEL tattooed in his ear. How often do our fears really accord with the size of the hazard?

Back to being the benevolent dictatrix of the world.

I would have a “Hallway of Unwelcome Activities” in every community. This would be where activities that are technically legal but disapproved of would be allowed to take place. I will leave the details to those lawyers that I have allowed to survive.

I would only allow people to keep grass on their properties if they were growing it for fuel purposes.

I would find a magician to put a spell on my cat so that she would sit in my lap when I’m at the computer.

John insists on pointing out that Zeek! is by no means as bad a cat as I make out.

I disagree – that cat has left NO vermin, whatsoever, on my back deck for at least two weeks now.

I would mandate that ecologically grown cacao was a world food priority. A universe without chocolate? How desolate that would be…

That’s enough for now. Laundry awaits.

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Born when atmospheric carbon was 316 PPM. Settled on MST country since 1997. Parent, grandparent.

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