It takes me about 3 – 6 weeks to get used to a ‘new normal’. Jeff and I have a pretty good understanding on how the day’s going to go, and who does what. When I moved into the place up the hill it took about six weeks before I was sleeping properly – and I was still in the same bed, just in a different place. Now I can see all kinds of change brewing – at work, at home, creatively, and I am swinging wildly between being productive and ‘like a stunned bird in the reeds’ to quote Dunnett for the nine thousandth time, partly because I want the period of adjustment to be over and partly because I feel apprehensive. What if there’s no new normal? What if every day turns into a struggle? My normal cheerfulness seems to be leaking away, or maybe I’m working on a migraine. It’s such a drag when you know you can’t trust your own brain chemistry, and it’s hopeless trusting other people’s.
Well, it’s a good thing people who have been there have written to us out of the past. Keeping your humanity in extremis is the sign of a good human being. That’s when I need to be more compassionate, more generous, and more hardworking. And that’s what I hate about the ‘new normal’ I see coming, because I am one sorry and irritable sack of grudges and that’s no way to be, whether things are going bad or not.
I rented the car today and I’ll be running errands. I bailed on volunteering for the Folk Festival (they only called me two days before – this after I’d sent an email a week ago bowing out – and I did NOT want to work Gate in teh boiling sun).
Katie’s coming back from the grands’ today or tomorrow. I have a few ideas.
Keith was here last night. Most of the time I don’t mind being close to the bathroom, but not when my only son is heaving about $30 worth of Bushmills into the john. That’s SIPPING whiskey, not PUKING whiskey. Sigh. He wanted to find out where his limit was. How many times have I lectured the kids about pacing themselves? Patricia knows what happened the last time I didn’t pace myself – she and her buddy Dave had to haul me home from the Rowing Club. Sigh. At Baumfest I paced myself MUCH better, and ate more and drank less. Gotta have those carbs, lining the gut, before you start.
Made waffles for Jeff, seeing as how I’m home today.
Think I’ll call Tamara at Tenplus. I haven’t recorded a video professionally in ages, and I want to put something else on youtube. That or a home made video about making biscotti. There have been real jackass comments on my vids on youtube lately; Jeff warned me, as he has vids up as well, and he says the moron factor is extreme.
Ack, gotta get up and close the back door to keep the cigarette smoke out.
I need my teeth cleaned, my 2007 taxes filed, a massage, and I somehow doubt it’s all going to happen today. What’s really going to happen today is errands. And with any luck, fetching Kate from the ferry. When people you love are in pain, you want to do something practical. Or pretend it isn’t happening. That seems to work for me sometimes too.