after the cut…
1: After this I looked, and, behold, a door was opened in heaven: and the first voice which I heard was as it were of a trumpet talking with me; which said, Come up hither, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter.
See, I don’t mind when he’s giving me dictation, but when he whips the trumpets out, it’s an Excedrin kinda day. Except it won’t be invented for another 1900 years.
2: And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne.
Make mine a vodka, please. I’m gonna need a lot of them to get through this meeting. We’re going to see the Big Guy.
3: And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.
Sardine stone? Jasper? Emerald rainbows? Sounds like Pride Day in Seattle.
4: And round about the throne were four and twenty seats: and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting, clothed in white raiment; and they had on their heads crowns of gold.
Crap, walked into the Board Meeting by accident.
5: And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God.
Barkeep, I’ll have what He’s having. Sounds like somebody’s poured a round of flaming shots.
6: And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal: and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, were four beasts full of eyes before and behind.
Okay, so God was onto this panopticon, total surveillance thing LONG before Dick Cheney.
7: And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle.
Woozy. Drugs hitting really hard, not mixing well with the vodka. Rubbing my eyes, but the damned weird looking critters are still there.
8: And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.
And FLYING surveillance cameras. Playing hymns, to scare off those damned teenagers. You know, God is really onto something!
9: And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat on the throne, who liveth for ever and ever,
Yeah, well they know they hafta if they want to be fed.
10: The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying,
Have you ever HEARD what it sounds like when twenty-four guys take their tinfoil hats off and thrown them down in front of God and then start rolling around on them while bawling hysterically? Upgrade that headache medication please, I’m about done.
11: Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
Let’s just say that the Lord has one bizarre sense of humour.
