I called a girlfriend and unloaded (hard) and heard exactly what I needed to hear for a course correction. Love the love!
Many aspects of the venue were not. We had pho for breakfast, which is a damned good way to have breakfast in my opinion.
I deleted all my fanfic from the repository – almost 100K words. I still have it on my laptop. If I work on it any more it will be for me and my entertainment, but I think I learned my lessons. I learned that trying to do a good job isn’t enough. Being humorous and grammatically correct isn’t enough. ‘Following your instincts’ isn’t enough. I have learned the hard way that the only authors who count, in this culture, are the ones getting paid for it. So now I have to work on increasing my opportunities to make money via writing, which is not much fun, but it’s the people who can make money who get the happy faces.
Honestly, I feel sick about all of this, but as with many other aspects of my life right now there are desperately few people I can talk to about it.