so much for a plan

all I managed to do yesterday was leave the house, eat the worst pho I’ve ever had in my life Pho Edmonds WHAT HAPPENED have a fight with Paul and watch the Big Sleep

I don’t mind having a fight when it clears the air and I emerge with a better calibration on how to behave but refighting a weekly fight of almost 30 years’ duration is not the fight I want at the moment. I had to name the behaviour, set boundaries and go home and I didn’t particularly want to do any of that and it is never a coincidence that when you’re at your lowest ebb you have to come up with your highest self just to get out of a situation.

Even so, and despite the unethical heinous rain yesterday, I did manage to pick up some flower bread, which Jeff and I quite like (from Pekara up the street) and two Nutella rolls, which I gave to Keith with instructions to eat the first and give the second to Katie immediately upon her arrival home as I had a feeling she had a busy day at work.

I’m suspecting that this whole last week has been a migraine. When I’m actually not doing too badly and I feel thrown into a pit like this … but I guess the big thing is that I spent hours and hours this past week essentially being unable to talk … and barely able to think, such was the background noise.

Anyway, JRRT gave me a pep talk this morning in several parts:

“The most improper job of any man … is bossing other men. Not one in a million is fit for it, and least of all those who seek the opportunity.”

I was unaware of this CS Lewis quote and one of the Seattle contingent on my twitter feed shared this re escapism:

“Hence the uneasiness which they arouse in those who, for whatever reason, wish to keep us wholly imprisoned in the immediate conflict. That perhaps is why people are so ready with the charge of “escape.” I never fully understood it till my friend Professor Tolkien asked me the very simple question, “What class of men would you expect to be most preoccupied with, and hostile to, the idea of escape?” and gave the obvious answer: jailers.”