Day: April 16, 2023

daily report

Wordle in three, Lumosity scores tanking continues, dishes washed and put away, load of laundry currently drying, and 450 words on the new fan fic.

NO FUCKING COFFEE AT CHURCH THIS AM. Do I really need to say anything else? Although to see Rev. Brian Kiely in the pulpit after so long an interval was truly wonderful for me. Keith and I had quite a conversation driving home (we bailed on the congregational financial discussion). I’m still ringing with it and will process in due course. I donned: Bra, <— this is for my mOm, I don’t care what anyone else thinks and I’m laughing as I type this <— Hanes “Leaky Girl” absorbent knickers (cause I don’t want to laugh nervously and…. widdle) lavender hose, Dayglo lime baby Grogu earrings, midi length maroon dress, mandolin pin, slicked back hair.

Still fucked up about the family meeting. I’m so sad and scattered about it. And it’s 450 bucks to rent a storage space. I shouldn’t put my name on the lease but I’ll need it myself soon enough.

HOWEVER that said Jeff is being encouraging and rational (always a superb combination when one is woff-wobbling.) Life proceeds and there are still yuks to be had and thoughts to be thunk, and I’m comfy as these things go. Keith wanted me to go back with him and I’m NO I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I’LL BE THIS COMFY I WANT MY COMPUTER AND MY TEACUP AND MY PRETENCE AT NORMALCY and damn but that stung. Also, like I keep saying, there’s no heat in their all concrete building so…. it’s a freaking meat locker. Ryker would have been there but I was already peopled out.

later

Still feel gross. I am sure this is all psychological. I sure don’t feel like eating.

 

Murphy

In other news, Murphy the male bald eagle who wanted to be a DAD SO MUCH that he incubated a rock, has been given a (sadly) orphaned eaglet and he is a) feeding him and b) bonding with him, and it’s actually one of the few things giving me hope right now. How oft we struggle to be what we truly are.

In other news, an extremely endangered hellbender that was raised in a reintroduction facility has fathered a new generation (he was tagged before he was released into the wild). The scientists involved in the project are gleeful and so am I, for them, to have evidence that hellbenders raised by humans can be successfully reintroduced.

In other news I am going to try really hard to have a good day. Off to church with Keith this morning; perhaps today’s the day I’ll be able to restrain myself from verbally assaulting someone who’s harmless.

In other news Renaissance Books is for sale – it’s been a fixture in my neighbourhood since I moved here and I don’t imagine it will survive – they may have trouble selling it. I couldn’t find anything I wanted when I was in there last (it’s right next door to the Bohemian) so I bought two very pretty cards and I’m going to send them to my mOm and my ontie, with a letter inside.

In other news This Is What It’s Like to look for an apartment. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING PRICES.

rents

I am still recovering from the family meeting yesterday. The drop dead date is they have to be out by 1 August BUT there’s no formal paperwork from Brian the landpeer yet. Neither of the downstairs tenants are apparently being evicted. The hot water heating system is still in disrepair.

I have never seen Keith this low and Paul is doing his best to stay positive by not really engaging all that much. They can’t afford housing unless they live together and I don’t think it would be good for either of them. Keith is under the impression that wherever he ends up he’ll be able to afford running a car.

I don’t really think that will be possible and it’s just horrible. Everything Keith has managed to accomplish in his life is being clawed away from him by the economy and his disabilities.

Rents have gone up 15 to 30 percent in a single year in Burnaby. They’ve been offered temporary refuge here IF THEY CAN’T FIND SOMETHING ELSE but it will have to be very temporary as Jeff is not keen to live with both strapping guys in this tiny house when Jeff and I have matching schedules for sleep and they REALLY DO NOT. To say that I am not keen on living with them either is one way of putting it. Paul was a hard man to live with for a long time before I left him and Keith, although he’s nice as pie to me these days, can be waspish. Not saying I can’t, just that I really want them to find their own place and I feel like I can’t get off this train and there’s a stench of inevitability in there with the class war and tough family dynamic and I feel ineffectual and without hope.

At the meeting yesterday we took a little break and Keith said that Paul couldn’t read the words on his computer screen.

I’m sad.

I’m renting a storage space for July 1. That’s another $450 people, and we have to pay it because we don’t have stable housing for our family, and if the furnace quits I’ll be using it too.