Euphemisms for fire

From the Annals of Customer Service:

We are no longer allowed to use that unfortunate four letter f-word with respect to our products when communicating internally or externally in writing. It’s in all of the user guides, but we’re not allowed to use it…..

Please indicate which of the following euphemisms would be most acceptable to you:
1. failed with prejudice
2. pulled a Rammstein
3. luminesced
4. extra crispy capacitor action
5. boom-lights
6. Mt. St. Helens
7. Toxic bar-b-q
8. Extinguishment event
9. Unanticipated electron migration
10. Plasma and particulate incident
Here’s a couple more (added later)

Exothermically exceptional

Left the operating temperature range behind.


Added even yet later

(From a coworker)

Fire – unexpected rapid oxidation Smoke – airborne particulate release
Spark – corona discharge
Arc – see spark

  Hope this helps

And yet more!!!!
Impersonated a dragon 
Expressed it’s inner hotness
Achieved brilliance 

and yet more still even!!!

1. exothermic event
2. mode transition
3. irreversible failure mode
4. undocumented functional shift

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Born when atmospheric carbon was 316 PPM. Settled on MST country since 1997. Parent, grandparent.

9 thoughts on “Euphemisms for fire”

  1. None of the above come close to the F-word, but if I had to use one of the above I’d probably go with “Holy Mt. St. Helens”.

    What’s your companies policy on customers who use the F-word while talking to someone (maybe you Allegra) in customer service?

  2. Sandy, I laughed so hard when I read that I thought I’d choke on my salad. That’s the single funniest thing I’ve seen in ages.

  3. mea culpa. That was a brain fart. The song is, of course, by Jerry Lee Lewis. Somehow his name doesn’t lend the same way to the topic at…er…hand

  4. but james brown is HOT and brownian motion only takes place in a liquid, and if one of the product liquefies it would be … well, sahMOKin’ hot. I just got an avalanche of cultural hotness vibe and thought it was hilarious and deliberate. To your point though, we can either say that the unit has ‘married its cousin’ in reference to Jerry Lee, or say Great Balls of Euphemism! instead.

  5. From the chemist’s standpoint, I believe it would be correct to say that “the unit has had an oxidative reaction.”

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