I want to be in bed all the time.
I have dry eyes so I like to close me eyes. Also I love TV and the internet so I like to open me eyes. I open me eyes very wide and very far and very long and then they get sad and dry and I must go close ’em, or put in drops which make the corners of my eyes with the tear ducts feel like some lil fucker with a teeny weeny taser is, like, tasing the corners of my eyes with an eyelash sized taser for about two minutes until my natural secretions get the backwash out.
Reading people I’m old enough to have given birth to complain about their physical pains makes me instantly feel older than granite. Granite just in case you’re wondering is among the oldest of the kinds of rocks on earth.