Day: September 29, 2023

DEMAND AVOIDANCE

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ace-and-ranty (TUMBLR ACCOUNT)

Well, goodness, this one resonated much more than I was expecting. I mean, I get it. My mind was also blown wide open when I found out “demand avoidance” was a thing that existed, and that I’m not the only weirdo in the world who suddenly wishes it wasn’t her birthday after anxiously waiting for her birthday for days.

Loads of people in the tags are asking how I do it? I feel this won’t be groundbreaking advice, but here is what I have learned:

  1. Previous experience. Really no way around it. Now that I hit thirty, I feel like I have done enough things to know, intellectually, from experience, what will feel nice if I overcome the avoidance, and what won’t. For example, every time I go to the beach, I wake up early and would rather eat a tire than get off the bed. But I remember that every time I got up and went to the beach, I was glad I did it. So I just get up, feeling like shit, and get ready, feeling like shit, and I get to the beach and magic!! I feel great, I love the beach!! Sometimes you just gotta do it scared feeling kinda like shit.
  2. Am I avoiding the thing or getting to the thing? I have a lot of demand avoidance around just, y’know, getting up, getting ready and going out the door. Universal human experience. If I notice that doing the actual thing (Swim in the pool!) sounds nice, but I’m avoiding having to rally myself to go do that (Fetch swimsuit! Sunscreen! Towel!), then I know it’s demand avoidance and I should just fucking go.
  3. Is the thing making me feel excited at all or just anxious? I have had previous occasions when I did the opposite; I convinced myself it was just demand avoidance when I really just. Hated the thing. And wanted to stop. If you feel a mix of excitement and dread, or excitement and anxiety, that might be demand avoidance. But if thinking of doing the thing just makes you feel actively anxious, then yeah. You don’t want to do the thing.
  4. Do the thing a little bit. Used often with dishes. I’ve seen this advice float around Tumblr a lot and it’s correct. Commit to doing just a bit of the thing; a little bit of the thing; the smallest bit of the thing you can do. Getting started will make it clear right away if you don’t want to do it (and in that case, you have permission to stop), or if you just having trouble getting started.

Writing again!

jfc anything rather than edit. I mean it’s only 189 205 words so far but that’s still ‘pushing the peanut.’

The Lad is off to school and I’ll be calling Paul AGAIN today. Yesterday wasn’t good enough for him. I fed him pho. I helped him get his medications. I helped him get a toilet riser. I took him to get a charging cable and box for his Motorola phone. I did not yell at him for taking an hour to eat. I stayed with him as he walked, slower each day. And he took all the stuff I helped him buy out of the car and before he slammed the door bitched me out for not helping him get a box of wine when I specifically said I had to go get Alex next. He is not supposed to be drinking so much as a drop of alcohol. (Same same for me although I will occasionally…)

SOOOO now I’m waiting for brekkie at the old folks to be over so I can call him and arrange to do yet more things for him today which I am heavily disinclined to do. And I still have to get the new windshield wipers on the car. I tried to install one and nope, even a diagram was of no assistance.

LATER…. Paul called back, he has other plans for today (goddess keep and bless Rob W), he apologized for anything rude he said, acknowledged that I’m very helpful, and said he’d call me on the weekend if he needed me. ALL THAT IRE 4 NUTHIN. Story of mah fucking life. hi mOm lol

Diane Feinstein’s dead. The woman was a fucking menace to American democracy, no sadness here.

I am disgusted by the arrival of a neo Nazi in Parliament, to be given plaudits by people who don’t understand history and don’t care to. Fuck every parliamentarian but two and I’m not very keen on them anyway.

Bluesky continues to be a very pleasant refuge. Twitter I view but I’m not making content for them any more. I now have FOUR WHOLE UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS signed up for my weekly digest, coming November 2023.