I voated

Once again I have fallen off the registry list which is tedious, but reregistering is a snap so.

Jeff and I walked down together a little after 8:30.

I have finally reported the dead vehicle on my street (no tags since August 2014) to Parking Enforcement.  It’s not like the street is crawling with parking spaces for the number of cars we have.

92 words yesterday.

OH IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE ALEX.  I have forwarded some video to the Great She Elephant.

HE LET ME PICK HIM UP twice – I pointed him at a light switch to play with.  After 30 seconds he got squirmy.

Also, he was refusing to nap so I took him outside so he could get really really upset and nurse himself to sleep, a mean trick which worked.

 

Domestic blitz

Yesterday I emptied the dishwasher, prepped raw veggies, baked buns and cookies and turned down offers of exercise.

I also spoke to Keith’s counsellor on the phone hoping to help straighten out this communication thing we have (not) going on. That went well.

AND I SAW BABY ALEX.  Also baby Ellie, who is so food positive that she makes me howl and her mama Jessica obviously. There is nothing in the world like pulling food from the oven and taking it to your grandson to eat.  Everybody was in a really good mood.

John Caspell would have been 64 years old today.

Feeling proud

Today is LE GORGEOUS fall day, swirling leaves and soft breezes.  We went to Oakalla, and on a whim when we got there I bore left and we walked the long way ’round, ending up at Hart House.  Sensing that the downscale price was upscale in size, I went for the shaved prime rib on ciabatta sammie with crunchy onions and Nippon style aioli and Paul went for the seared fish, which I knew was gonna be tiny, but the presentation was so amazing I’ll leave it to your imagination rather shove it in your face.  The heritage parti-coloured radish slices danced a magnificent solo in a spotlight in the early afternoon sun (Paul picked the best lit table in the whole place, surprise surprise.) Then I ate them. And now they are turning into something dark and unpleasant, and such is the fate of every restaurant meal that every food critic ever had time to digest.

Shit Allegra why would you do that?  Hey, I could have posted a picture, but I don’t even take pictures of my grandson most of the time. He is a verb, and pictures seem a very pale representation of his business and verve. I understand why people pic their meals but gadfrey sir a little restraint.

And of course for privacy reasons fewer pictures.

After the meal we made a post-prandial tour of the southern side of the lake, linking back up with the trail at the first diversion from the western parking lot. I have since measured it and it totalled 5.5 K and I was thrilled because that’s what I eyeballed it (I had said what is this, 5, 5.5 k) so I’m glad I can accurately estimate a distance, being reality based is good.

I did not finish my sammie.  I looked at the second half and thought “There are few things on this earth that could make Jeff happier to eat right now”” and I took it home to him, and he ate it with every sign of delight.  I left him to watch Z Nation and came upstairs to tell you that my feet HURT.  Feel good though!

 

countermeasures

What a fucking disaster of a review.

Eventually the movie review will be gone, so here’s a quote.

 

What’s it like for him to be alone for years? Is the sheer solitude a burden? Is the simple lack of human contact a cause of psychological derangement? Are there exercises that he does in order to ward off hallucinations, to control inner voices? And what are those voices? What does Mark say to himself? What does he think–or feel? Is there anything that he has to overcome in order to remain mentally sharp and emotionally stable?

oh my FUCKING GOD you asinine critter, don’t you think astronauts are SELECTED for their ability to stay sane in these circumstances?  It’s called WORKING THE PROBLEM.  They don’t show him masturbating, although disposing of the consequences would be a funny couple of minutes, and they don’t show him crying, or hitting things, or any of that stuff. Any sane person knows it happened; we don’t need to see it.

 

THE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THIS MOVIE WAS NOT THE PERSONALITIES of the characters involved.

It was in their ability to work problems.

The author of this review, who’s a chump’s own chump, is under the impression that science fiction fans – a demographic that is rapidly approaching everyone who is not a religious fanatic, hermit or killjoy – want to see another movie with people talking about their feelings or their interior lives.  No, we want to see a SCIENCE fiction movie. Not a movie that waves its hands when it comes to science but one that says you have to understand orbital mechanics to link up with a flying object in the Mars gravity well. Where mass and math and persistence and grit make survival possible, make triumph possible, make the unification of the world in its concern for a single human being possible.

The ’emotional tenor’ of the movie is SIMPLE.

We’re going to take our feelings, and we are going to set them aside, and WORK A FUCKING PROBLEM until it is done.

And despite the whitewashing of the movie, and yes it’s true, ethnicities were changed and that’s notable, something was preserved that I think is more important.  A young black mathematician gets called a steely eyed missile man by the Hermes crew, which is, without a word of a lie, the highest praise you can give a technical man in a space crisis situation. A generation of black kids will be dreaming of Mars based on this one sentence in the movie.  May the great parent of the Universe give a line of reasoning to Richard Brody, since he could really use one.

The emotional tenor of the movie is simple.  Why do people rescue other people.  BECAUSE WE ARE SOCIAL.  Now leave me alone, I’m working a solution that’s going to help other people.  You can assume I have an interior life. Because we all do.

all the things

Thoughts are flapping round my brain
like plastic bats on a cable
think they all got on the wrong train
when they try to get off, they’re unable

Fuzzy head
blurry eyes
maybe I should
moisturize
maybe I should
get out of bed
But I think I’m going to think about
all the things that make me mad instead

Threw me on the ground and left
Then with fanfare announced you’re back
You’re the one with style and depth
I’m just standing here taking up slack

Fuzzy head
blurry eyes
maybe I should
moisturize
maybe I should
get out of bed
But I think I’m going to think about
all the things that make me sad instead
All the things
All the things, yeah

Everything that’s wrong stays wrong
Although in your reality things turn out well
I should hum a happy song
With you fuckers turning up the heat in hell
(bankers, bastards, assholes all work if you want to sub that word)

Fuzzy head
blurry eyes
maybe I should
moisturize
maybe I should
get out of bed
But I think I’m going to think about
all the things that make me bad instead

I didn’t want to take your call
I didn’t want the baby talk
I didn’t want a home cooked meal
I didn’t want to take a walk
You knew I was impossible
And somehow you can take it
I’ve got a future after all
and you are here to help me make it

Slippered feet
Blinking eyes
Why do I even
Act surprised
You propped me up
You fed my fead
And now I’m going to think about
all the things that make me glad instead
all the things
all the things.

Horrible symptoms

I won’t describe them, but I am very poorly.  I’ve been wondering all day why I feel so puny and as I staggered on foot between here and Planet Bachelor to feed Ayesha, I realized..

This is a migraine.  I can barely type, can’t spell, and while I won’t get into details, I am seeing and feeling things that aren’t there – how jolly when I’m alone in the house!  I feel very slow – but my reaction to red light made me realize yeah this is a migraine.

My sleep has been very disturbed and I’ve been peculiarly sore.

Anyway, I was much cheered earlier in the day to have Katie and Alex stop by.  He says many word like things.  Yeah Yeah Yeah, Wow. etc.  It’s very charming.  He made strange for a while but afterward he was sociable in his way.

 

Wonderful time

Yay, there’s now beer in the house.  Also, Lions Winter Ale is back for fall YES LIFE IS GOOD.

I bought Keith a growler of Steamworks Pumpkin Ale.

Mark and Paul and I had a fab time singing and playing yesterday. It was exactly the right amount of fun and conversation. Mark is only 22, but we try not to be ageist in our gang, and he enthusiastically endorsed the notion of coming to a musical evening.

No words yesterday, but I ain’t worried.  Time for some COFFEE.

Pathetic fallacy part 900

It’s overcast and dull and perfectly fallish outside. So after the glorious sunshine of Ontario, and the glorious sunshine upon my return I am feeling poopulous.

440 words. I’m at 80000 words.  I should start editing the first one and yet as long as I’m working on this one I don’t want to.  Also the more likely I am to start savagely rewriting the first one, and I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT UNTIL THEY ARE ALL DONE so I can use the magic of technology to search and replace and retcon and hang lanterns on things, since I already know I have severe timeline issues, which I have decided for the most part to ignore and to actually include them as being normal because Sixers don’t distinguish between the near past and the far past the way humans do. And in fact the way their memory behaves is pretty fucked up. Oh well.  Yes, the more I think about it.

The less I’ll actually write.  Time for an Artist Date.

Paul and I walked in the quiet rain in Oakalla yesterday.  People drive like idiots in the rain.

Today Mark (a friend of Katie’s) and Paul and I are getting together to make music in the afternoon at Planet Bachelor.

I could do a long rant about how disappointed I am in this year’s new crop of old shows, but the TLDR is that I am kinda done with Castle and NCIS; the characters are boring the hell out of me and the scripts are floppy. NCIS LA I still enjoy the characters but the scripts and storylines are enough to make me want to fly somewhere and kill something, except I’m lying down and feeling like reading library books.

Madam Secretary and The Good Wife continue to please, however.  Marvel’s Agents of Stupid Henchthingy’s Idiosynchronously Edited Lesser Diversions is grabbing my attention as well, since they seem to have decided to make every episode this season as exciting as a season finale.

Miss Margot and Buster are scrapping, which means he’s chasing her around and she’s hating it.

Not in ranting mood, sorry.

A thoroughly satisfactory day

Go see The Martian.  This constitutes the entirety of my review.  Also, read the book.  They are equally good for different reasons.

From 1 until 3ish yesterday Paul, Keith, Katie and Alex and Dax and Suzanne and Mark and Jessica and Ellie ate and talked and played.  Alex was in the best shape I’ve ever seen him.  He handled the influx of visitors into his space with amused aplomb, and his primate calls of joy upon seeing Ellie, his bestest and most favourite friend, were something to witness. They chased each other around (they’ve been walking for scant weeks now, Alex with an assurance that is truly remarkable) and stole each other’s toys.  At one point Alex mugged Ellie for her purse.  We laughed and laughed, and Alex chuckled right along with us.  Various other people took pictures, but I wanted to watch, and it was so completely and utterly lovely that I am quite overcome trying to describe how great it was.

Mark and Paul and I are making plans to get together and jam Thursday afternoon.

Then the cake, and then Paul and I and Keith met up with Jeff at the theatre for the cheap matinée and damn it was worth it.

250 ish words yesterday.  It’s a bit easier but still very hard.

Success defined as the ability to feel gratitude

If you’re walking around thinking that people will only remember the kind words you say — you are fooling yourself.  It’s the mean shit they remember now, and keep on remembering.

Be gentle in the words you say/ keep them soft and sweet / you never know which of your words/ you’re going to have to eat.

NB: Of course if these words are applied to you when you’re a young woman growing up in a fundamentalist household they will feel different.

I hope that gratitude, which holds my place in life’s big lineup, keeps being part of my daily practice.  I hope that it is gratitude for the great life I have, marked today by the first birthday of Alex the G’baby, and our acknowledgement of his place in our lives, that keeps my brain open to other teachings.

Wrote 353 words yesterday!  Nereus and Slider were the main recipients of my attention.  It is not a record day but I committed to getting back to work and it is a measurable and hopefully duplicatable result in this adventure / experiment called life.