Okay, thanks to the Internet, I now understand the references to the Goatse man. If you don’t already understand the reference, don’t bother looking it up, and this means YOU, mOm, and if you do get it, you can have a good laugh on me.
ScaryClown emailed me a link to an author about quality. I burst out laughing when I read the email and replied (enjoying my advanced age for the first time in MONTHS) “Hey, I read that book in 1988.” Yes, I am referring to the venerable Quality is Free by Philip Crosby, which I read, as I recollect, when I was working at either the law firm or at CDS. Anyway, it was when God was young and dinosaurs roamed the earth. It had a very powerful effect on my thinking about how to run a company, and of course I keep finding it in company libraries and in people’s personal collections, and I always laugh when I see it.
It’s like church. It’s the same message, over and over again. It’s no surprise that Philip Crosby is a committed Christian, and that his message hums along like a sermon.
Oh, for the purposes of clarity, and to scotch the notion that I’m being sarcastic when I refer to a committed Christian….. There are committed Christians, and there’s everybody else. Committed Christians are people who have accepted the yoke of the Lord and make their lives their witness. They try to love, and they try not to judge. Everybody else has decided that Christ wears jackboots, and is going to come and kick the shit outta everybody they don’t personally like. I have yet to meet a Christian who didn’t fall into one of those two categories. The first kind of Christian I have no issues with. I’m looking forward to taunting the other kind of Christian in the lake of fire.
As for there being contradictions in the Bible, which really gets my goatse, something bizarre occurred to me recently, and I thought I’d share it. There are contradictions in my own DNA…. Ain’t nothing whole and perfect, except maybe an idea.
Daxus called and asked me what he had to do to get back in here… Continue reading Okay, everybody, all at once….
I didn’t laugh out loud until close to the end, but this is still pretty damned funny.
God is a programmer…
Dance around a fire
and the fire is you
I cast a shadow
Nine feet tall
I could fly
Up into the sky
Never feel the pull
of gravity at all
Wish it was mine, wish it was mine, whoa baby x 2
Wish it was mine? You crossed a line
You’ve got some misconceptions you must redefine
You cannot own me, you cannot buy me
Do not go there, do not try me
I’ll defend every inch of skin that I have got
Pack up your delusions woman I cannot be caught
Such a violent answer for such a peaceful man
But I was put upon this earth to help you if I can
And only you must judge if the price is set too high
But I love a man who trusts himself and that is not a lie
Wish it was mine, wish it was mine, whoa baby x 2
- I went out to the Golf Course with the folks last night. We were gargling a liquid goodbye to Darryl and Dave, who had been with the company 17 and 11 years respectively. I like and respect them both, but it’s Dave I’ll miss the most, because he is a complete sweetie and I ate lunch with him damned near every work day for five years.
- I gave a neckrub to the guy who hired him away from my employer however; I too can live in hope.
- I worked the entire table and gave everybody who wanted a neck rub same; excepting only that greedy oinker RobofNine, who’d already had one that day.
- At the beginning of the day I gave Burnt a package of Buffy Valentines; he indicated pleasure in a deadpan sort of way.
- The Dalai Jarmo gave an extremely amusing and highly accurate description of what happens when a slender, intelligent and goodlooking female new hire gets dropped into an engineering department. Punch line, “Every time I turned around, some guy had pulled out a bigger crimping tool.”
- Paul and Keith came out! Keith had a Crantini. Paul tried to pay, but I made sure I gave him my share. Paul was especially happy because there were not one but TWO flying buddies there, being RobofNine and Jeff F., who now works with Susan N., who was ALSO at the Course, and… well, you get the idea that the high tech community in Vancouver is about a thousand strong, and you have to mind your p’s and q’s.
- When I got home, Keith, who is a marvel among children, had provided Dun Tot from St Germain bakery in Metrotown. My happiness may be imagined. No sign of Katie; her door is closed though, and I don’t know where she is for sure.
- Two cow-irkers gave me detailed and horrific descriptions of why they are now so miserable that quitting without another job to go to seems like a viable option. They are both solid contributors to the org so I am shaking my head. I just started working with one of them so I only recently came to an understanding of his value. The other one I only knew by his reputation from other people, but it was solid. It was a poke in the eye, lemme tell you.
- One of my other cherished cow-irkers called me an evil genius. Happy sigh!
- Brother Jerome was there, as was the Otto-man. However, Tom and Mike couldn’t make it so we only reunited one half of the original lunch bunch.
- Dave also described his exit interview. Man, I can only wish I’d been a fly on the wall.
Well, it’s 6:30 in the morning, and unless I actually put on a coat and go for a much needed walk, it ain’t gonna happen. May you all have a lovely day!
Cousin Gerald sent me this pic. I dunno where it was taken, “Somewhere in Canada” is a rather useless descriptor, but on the face of it I’d say it’s from the prairies.
Norah Jones’ new album, Not Too Late, is wonderful. I highly recommend it.
Oh….. my….. Lord.
My brother has thrown down a gauntlet with a challenge of challenges.
He wants me to write a song to replace “The Happy Birthday Song” which is protected by … gulp …. copyright.
Okay, for everybody on this blog who has actually HEARD the Tapioca Song.
Happy Birthday! Happy Birth…. day!
(Name of person) it’s time for us to celebrate
Happy Birthday! Happy Birth…day!
Now it is time for you to cut the cake.
That’s the kid version. But you can also substitute masturbate, find a date (or mate), meet your fate, inebriate, intoxicate, medicate, fly this crate (when it means they can go solo), accelerate (either, as in leave, or drive), hurry up and wait, and I don’t have my rhymin’ dictionary handy but you get the idear.
I can think of a couple of men who are thinking this is the only good use – besides pet food – they’ve ever seen a squirrel put to.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer valentines cards for a buck a pop???? Can such things be???? I have since heavily modified my valentines day list, although I still have a hundred of the blessed things to print out this weekend.
My travel derangements are now set; I’m arriving in TO on the redeye Thursday morning, and then I’m going to hang with some early risers, and then go hang with some not so early risers, and then I’m going to… joy of joys…. hang with the most excellent poet Dave Dowker and my buddy Sandy (aka Chipper on this blog). You have NO NOTION how much I am looking for’ard to that.
I have sung my scurrilous new song to a variety of people, most of whom found it entertaining.
When Paul took Keith and I to the Chong Lum Hin the other night, Sue the proprietress and her husband fed us traditional Chinese soup … not the menu stuff, but incredibly medicinal soup. I only had a teacup’s worth of broth but it was so loaded with vitamins that I could feel my consciousness shifting. Also they gave me pea greens with garlic, which is really yummy. The soup is traditionally given to women who have just given birth, and they laughed their asses off when I innocently asked, “Who had a baby?”