First, let me be the blue sky girl and say that in a perfect world, parents would own their f*cking children, and there’d be none of this goddamned tripe about how kids have rights, except the right to have such comforts as their parents can afford, like a sumptuously appointed privy, 7 hours of meaningful work a day to do, and more after you graduate from public school, and as many character building beatings as any adult within earshot with both energy and inclination may feel like doling out. What the hell was this kid thinking? That his wretched habit would not have consequences? That his taste in friends would win him his father’s praise and a buss on both cheeks? The son we may dismiss for the bone deep stupidity of youth which is his daily portion, hardly enhanced by a good lacing of BC Bud.
As for the dad, what a simp! Advertising that he’d parked his cojones squarely over Satan’s beartrap of commercialism and me-too-ism? No; he should have put the Guitar Hero quietly in the Christmas family hamper at work so they could fence the horrid piece of earsplitting devilishness for crack, and beaten the shit out of his kid. Why make a public spectacle of himself in this shameful and moronic fashion? This is not a day in which I am proud to be a Canuckistani parent, I’m telling you.
I think the dad should go RIGHT OUT and buy that kid a Bible, and clean out his room except for a night table and a drawer to put the Bible in. I think the dad should ground that 15 year old parasite until he leaves home, which given the storm of freakish publicity (the father is not named, but you can bet your ass 10 minutes on myspace would turn the cowardly, short sighted bastard up) should be long about spring thaw.
In short, these two have broken the two cardinal rules of the Canadian father-son dyad! The son GOT CAUGHT. The father ADVERTISED IT. May they both find a Chick-pamphlet corner of hell to scream at each other in for the rest of eternity.
Allegra has spoken.
