My mOm and I have a little ‘thing’ that we say when a standardized interaction – a bus ride, a visit to a government office, some brushing up against of another human being who is somehow a functionary – turns into a genuine experience plein de twists and turns and full honour given to the humanity of all parties. Such was my toothicus dirtius cleaning today. Because I am EVIL, and I mean EVIL, I occasionally take much pleasure in messing with people’s heads. So the gal who polished my teeth, who unless I miss my guess has antecedents who hail from Vietnam way, was horrified (I mean TEARS IN HER EYES) to hear that I “only brush my teeth three times a week, and floss when I remember to.” (This isn’t true, as will shortly be revealed…. like now, because if I really DIDN’T brush my teeth I’d be a seething mass of cavities. I mean, when was the last time on this blog that you can recollect I went to the dentist? I’ve been tested for AIDS and got Hep shots more recently than I’ve been to the dentist, and viz all that, I don’t know whether I’m bragging, complaining or merely reporting the facts. Anyway… no cavities – except the ones I was originally issued with, suitably edited, augmented and enlarged by nature, thanks.)
So Toothy Dude – my very first male hygienist, wOOt – shakes my hand and within 30 seconds I’ve told him about the whole “slam the beggar woman against the wall” thing from Assassin’s Creed, and he’s told me about the Weezer concert, and the Cure concert he went to earlier, and he’s mentioned psilocybin. How do they find me? Am I like a magnet for teh weird, wacky, wonderful? Go me. Anyway, it was the best cleaning evah. Also, this dental palace has THE MOST EXTENSIVE AND EXPENSIVE HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A PROFESSIONAL OFFICE. They have elaborate skeletons occupying chairs in the waiting room and my dental station was decorated like a Warner Bros version of a crypt.
Then I went to London Thugs, where they were out of the USB turntable, no duh, and bought curative objects, crackers, and chocolate, and then to Kin’s Farm Market, where I bought a roster of root vegetables, and then I bought an apple peach pie for dessert and a couple of loaves of bread, which I have already toasted for stuffing, and some other snacky type things, and then I bought beer and came home to find a nice plump fresh turkey in our fridge courtesy of Keith and Jeff.
Then, a Buffy blowout. Life, she is so hard.