pleased

bp was 132/87 this morning, which is most pleasing; got three more months’ worth of prescription this morning. Apart from being a little more tired than usual (which might be my thyroid slowing down, too) I’m tolerating the inderal really well. Monday I go back to the doctor and get some bloodwork for the thyroid.

Did a little shop, got thirty minutes of walking (half of it burdened like a camel-with-hands) and in general I’m feeling quite fine.

Now it’s time to do laundry and run the dishwasher and the rest of that stuff while I wait for Jeff to get back from a client’s.

Feb 2005 is done!

174 252 438 words on HOTM Redux so far today, I imagine I’ll keep going.

Dr. Appointment this morning, switched to the 60 mg Inderal last night. Apart from feeling super tired and a little pukey I don’t feel any different, and I slept like a log for 8 hours so WELL DONE ME. I’ll be leaving by bus around 9.

My blood pressure still sucks though. 133/97 in morning 148/87 in the afternoon.

This is for Sean one of my internet buddies. He claims to be a shitposter so I wrote him a filk.

TTTO GOLDFINGER

shitposter

he’s the man a man with some shit to post

he does it most

such a gitposter

Beckons you to enter his web of shit

It’s big, you’ll fit!

Fecal words he will dump through your screen

So much so that you’ll never feel clean

And his readers know that once he has posted

he has made his point, then ghosted

shitposter….

November 2004 is done

Picked up my new scrip for inderal yesterday.

Walked to Timmy Ho’s with Jeff. I should not be drinking coffee or eating sugar but hey it got us out of the house and I’m supposed to be walking 150 minutes a week minimum for health benefits.

Slept well. Still haven’t set up the CPAP again. Jeff suggests getting it adjusted.

Beautiful hot day. Pride today. Downtown will be a cluster.

I light candles for the dead, bereaved and injured of El Paso and Canton.

Heart back in me

My blood pressure is completely godawful. Paul’s, no surprise, is perfect. I shall get the medical help I need but I’m pouting.

Mike called; he’ll be heading back soon.

Keith and I are buying clothes for him Saturday afternoon at THE TEMPLE OF MAMMON aka Metrotown.

Wonderful wonderful phone call with Tammy this morning. She had a bit of bad news but sounded much cheered when I got off the phone, which is after all the whole point to having friends, someone to share the ups and downs with.

2100 words into a fanfic I started three days ago.

I have found a fantastic tool for the removal of facial hair.

blanky part le deux

Success! I slept an additional 2 hours with the blankie, garnering almost 7 hours of (almost) uninterrupted sleep. I think Katie will be pleased when I hand it over to her this morning for non-destructive testing on Alex.

This is me 30 seconds before I found the box on my step. This is the weather their delivery company dealt with. We got two inches of dense, slippery af snow pounding down over about four hours, then it abruptly stopped and a watery sun came out and said oops.

When that snow all turned to water at once, that was an interesting moment.

Katie took me to breakfast – it’s a grey day, but much warmer and the snow’s off the walkway.

Stanley Donen is dead. The man who directed Charade is gone. But here he is being fucking amazing in 1997.

Slept 11 hours again

Given that this is during a time of the month I usually have insomnia, let’s assume that working full time, putting a cat down, having bizarre and frightening neurological symptoms, living next door to a construction site since May and two personal issues (which I’ve discussed with my intimates but don’t belong on my blog) have contributed to a localized exhaustion.

I feel okay, my eyes are telling me I was very smart to sleep that long; my right eye is not all resentful.

I can hear Jeff playing with Buster in the kitchen. I should get up and take him to breakfast; him putting up with my vagaries the last little while deserves some kind of acknowledgement.

Katie

Some mornings I wake up at 2 am and get up; this morning I forced myself back to sleep and woke up at 5:30. Like a little kid I lay in bed and thought to myself, “Oh, I hope Katie calls and wants to spend some time with me today!”

Then at a quarter to eight she called and we had breakfast.

It is so easy to make me happy, it’s quite funny.

I’M SEEING MY MOM ON SUNDAY NEXT AND THEN I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW.

And I’m going to see a doc about my suspected septic thyroglossal cyst Friday next, which is now bobbing around on the bottom of my tongue and which accounts for, get this FOUR OF MY SYMPTOMS.

Pain – generally they only hurt if they’re infected. It’s a completely ignorable amount of pain, which is why I’ve been ignoring it. Turns out you’re born with these suckers and they can literally never do anything to announce their presence.

Dysphagia and an occasional sense that my throat is closing over (WHICH LIKELY IMPACTED MY APNEA MACHINE USE)  – which comes and goes depending on how swollen it is, which makes sense considering it’s attached to the bottom of your tongue and moves when it does. Unfortunately this symptom has been MAJOR in telling me that I’m going demented, so finding out there’s another reason has given me life.

Metallic spit – an occasional sensation, see above, which is accompanied by a nasty feeling at the base of my tongue and a completely indescribable sensation in my mouth when it happens. It was MUCH WORSE during my taking antibiotics in November last and kept up for weeks after. Still happens a couple of times a week.

A previous symptom, not present since menopause – I used to get a large pimple on my neck just where they often push fluids and pus to the surface. Who knew.

Bonus symptom: having to hyperextend my neck so I can feel like I can breathe prior to going to sleep.

There is a less than 1 in 100 chance that there is carcinoma present. These things hardly ever go bad that way, although they can randomly collect fluid so they look like a half-goiter or get infected.

I wouldn’t even care about this birth defect – for such it is – but it’s affecting my ability to enjoy food, sleep and sing, the three major reasons I’m alive, so I’m going to try to get a diagnosis and then see if I can’t have it either drained or excised. I’d prefer drained but it would be entertaining to have a throat scar that makes me look right piratical.

 

and god won’t I look silly if I’m wrong about this, but fOlks, I rilly don’t think I am.

 

 

I love my family.

Getting lots of lovely comments on my fanfic. When people like the stuff you wrote for what you think are the right reasons……

More surgery for Paul

Man, to have dental surgery on your birthday.  I walked him home yesterday at his request (and Keith’s, the text I got from him was so nervous granny-like it was sweet as heck), and we hung around his place for the afternoon being lazy. Molars make damn big holes.  Now he has to wait a month to get the sutures out, and then be healed enough to get a post and implant.

140/82 is my blood pressure, I checked yesterday.  I won’t say what Paul’s blood pressure was since it was somewhere between ouch and boing.

I made pulled pork.  It is nommy.

 

The pain

My migraines sometimes appear as psychological issues rather than physical ones.  I described it to mOm and Jeff, because it was absolutely terrifying.  I could not rely on my senses. Thanks to Mike for getting me home.

The barometer hopped rather violently during the time I had the symptoms, going into Saturday morning.

No writing, obvs, and I’m sorry.  I’m taking today off.

Peggy heard about my headache and she and Tom came to visit and provide turkey soup in jars.  I will be eating it with good cheer, knowing that my friends like me enough to bring food.  (Sixers are slowly warming up to the idea – normally you get your own food.)

And I missed Star Wars with Shad and E-boy, which sincerely and egregiously pisses me off, but enh what can you do.

Roxane Gay rules and this post is TMI

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…..

So my very favourite Bad Feminist Roxane Gay, who has to deal with so much more intersectionality than I do, has participated in a puff piece in stylist.co.uk talking about her hygiene routine.  I told her I would follow her example.

At this point I can hear Jeff saying something, and then when I ask him to repeat it, he says, ‘Oh, nothing, nothing.’

I probably should shower more frequently than I do, being about three times a week, but as I get older I get dryer, and I feel like I’m turning into a desiccated old piece of sod.  I use Belle de Provence Honeysuckle soap because it smells very good, lasts a long time and is the one piece of luxury in my hygiene routine. Hardly anyone carries it and since it’s 6 bucks a pop I tend to buy in bulk when I find it.  I use Head and Shoulders brand shampoo/conditioner and buy it in the large pump size as it’s cheaper.  I use no other soap products.  I wash my hands every time I handle the cat, before I prep food and after I come in from being out in public as well as after I groom myself or go to the toilet.  I didn’t give a shit about washing my hands before I ran a restaurant.  Now I really, really do care about it, and it’s the simplest, fastest and easiest way to prevent illness, so why the hell not.

I hate all deodorants but I stink if I don’t use them.  When I’m feeling radical I wash, dry thoroughly and apply baby powder to my pits, but that’s good for about 12 hours before Jeff’s eyebrows do something improbable (the fan in the basement blows my effluent in his direction when we’re watching tv, so … yeah.)  Otherwise I use whatever kind of bo juice isn’t loathsome, and I’m like a lightning rod for deodorant being discontinued, so I try to be cool, but right now it’s a pretty loathsome vanilla smelly thing.  Gak.   Still better than the alternative.

I use two different kinds of eyedrops, thanks to the amazingly practical and super unjudgey Lady Miss Banjola, one for day, one for night, and I am not consistent in their use but by gar it’s a good thing to have them, because when you need them you’re like ACK MY EYES MY EYES I CAN’T GET MY EYES oh thank goodness I can see!  Also, thanks to her I found out that dryness amidships can be ameliorated by the twice weekly anointing of der ladygel, and she made brand recommendations, and I can get them reasonably cheap on line.  With that one small recommendation she made my life go from a meepy, withered parody of what Beeker sounds like after he’s been mugged, to me being able to contemplate having a boyfriend.  I don’t actually want a boyfriend, and the men in my life who squire me around do not wish to fill this or candidly any other vacancy wheresoever situated, but at least the prospect shifted from being painfully impossible to being ludicrously improbable, and only the Rumi’s Beloved could parse that shift in meaningful terms, but I view it as an improvement.

I pluck my eyebrows every day.  I watched the best eyebrow guy on the planet do a tutorial on youtube, and I thought “Hey, my OCD and some grooming tips wa-ho!” but I tell you my brow game is fierce, and it helps with the performative feminity, although I have not recently been mistaken for a man (it only happened the once, and I think the person was altered.)

This upping of the eyebrow game was subsequent to Keith picking out to extremely flattering and stylish frames for me.  I was looking really hard for a job and I wanted to be ready to interview at a moment’s notice, and now, provided I have a clean dress, I really am.   I pluck my chin hairs, and my (sigh, fuck my life) chest hairs.  I do not shave my legs or pits and anybody who wants me to can shave his or her legs and pits all they want but this lovely, amazing, FEATURE of adult life called BODILY AUTONOMY does not stop being awesome just because you are creeped out by my hairy legs, and the next time somebody calls me on it I’ll just say that sexism is uglier than hairy legs and any sensible person knows that.  Body hair sure makes men who have basic issues with mansplaining and feminism go away right quick, and smell ya later, ya squirrelfondling preverts.

Also, I got really really bad frostbite on my lower legs when I was in public school, so bad that the skin on my lower legs (the shaving zone) is burst-into-tears sensitive, so yeah, no, fuck your leg shaving.  It HURTS.  I bleed, and then all the little hairs growing back in catch in my bedding, so fuck you and go AWAY if you think I should shave my legs for any reason whatsoever.  As for my armpits.  When more than 50 percent of north American men shave their armpits, I’ll sign up for one of those monthly boxes of shaving gear, but until that day (bwa ha ha, coming soon!) yeah, just no.

I used to use Garnier number 60 hair dye and I still have some tucked away, but it really really bothers Jeff and I’m not a fan of doing it, I am a fan of having it done. Fortunately the colour is almost exactly the same as the two remaining stripes of colour I have in the mounting nest of grey that is my hair so even when I let it grow out it looks reasonably okay.  If I get another interview, which will be hard, as I am officially as of this moment no longer looking for work since hey we’re in a recession, and nobody would want to hire me even if I wanted to trade the best part of me for 24K net a year, which I don’t, and which makes me an elitist asshole. Ok.

I make my own perfume, which is called Cyprus, and has a secret blend of floral oil ingredients, and which smells fantastic on me (to the point where other women have demanded I sell them some, which I did) but everybody from my mOm to my brO thinks it smells like I’m hanging truck stop air freshener from my pits AND about 40% of my friends have chemical sensitivities and find it overpowering even when I’m using it gingerly so it’s only for special occasions.

My last pedicure made me limp for THREE FUCKING MONTHS and I am never paying for one again as Hecate may bear witness; now I cut off the parts of the toenail that stick out and abrade down the rest with a number of different kinds of pedicure gear.  I occasionally soak my feet and use footrub on myself or get somebody else like Katie to help out.  I am very very on top of my toenails because I can go from Happy Feet to ballerina outtakes (thankfully not shown here) in less than a week.  My hair, feet and nails grow at a tremendous rate, which is great because I get rid of heavy metals that way, but I must cut, hack, saw and file away with vigour.

I used to be an assclown about dental hygiene but I brush and floss every single day now (occasional lapses, but not many) since I can’t afford to lose the use of any more teeth when toothpaste and floss is so cheap.  I buy firm or super firm brushes and brush whatever way feels right and I pay for getting my teeth cleaned professionally once a year.  I am seriously considering investing in dental picks.

I have incredibly clean ear canals.  I hate the feeling of anything in there except air, but I no longer scrape them out with anything hard because it removes the hair that grows in the canal and I’m so clumsy I might deafen myself.

I wash my face with soap once a week.  Any more and I dry out like something that went with Scott to the Pole.

Once every three months I apply a clay facial mask.  I like how my skin feels afterward.

Once in a very long while I get a massage or a spa half day, but I can get the same results from rolling around on Wreck Beach and probably get exposed to the same amount of coliform in the process.

 

And there you have it.  Nobody asked for it, but that is my hygiene routine.

Meeping

I meeped at Chipper for a while yesterday and she expertly diagnosed my problem and helped me get back on the rails. I’ve been sessile for a couple of days but I’ll be back to writing today. For background, coming up on 2nd anniversary of breaking my arm and losing the shop, so that’s probably feeding into the other issues.

I have a strong cup of coffee beside me and Jeff’s making more.

PLUTO FLYBY!!!! SO HAPPY.

I finally went on a trip through the Stargate with Jack O’Neill last night.  Woke up with a big smile on my face, with his strictures ringing in my ears.

LATER

Buster just climbed the dead tree in the back yard.  I could barely see him through the blinds.  Wilde kittye!!!

Phew

Made my 500 words, now going downstairs to write a song.

 

Keith and Paul are apparently coming over soon to take me for a walk.  I’m still sore from yesterday…. but always getting better, symphisis is much happier now.

later

Sore from walking on concrete, happy to have cadged a meal off Paul (Keith paid for his own) and scored a couple of interesting books at the NW Library.  I told Paul I couldn’t walk home and took the bus, for which he kindly supplied the fare, and then I fed him home made limeade and went to watch the first episode of Dark Matter and the most recent episode of the Brink.

836 words for the day, most of it off to mOm.