I feel really antsy these days.  I’ve tried really hard to quit whining on the blog, because there’s simply nothing so illuminating and disheartening than going back three years and seeing that the events which exercised me so aren’t even memorable three years later.  Not always, and of course the really memorable stuff doesn’t necessarily make it to the blog if I think it might cause me legal hassles later.  So, a sampling of suitably comstocked whining:

Personal issue number one:  After three weeks of agony, I made a phone call back in October and told somebody the truth about my end of what was, at that time, perceived as a friendship.  I’m still on speaking terms with this person, but I’ve got no big urge to converse or hang out.  Lesson.  Get it the hell over with.  Stewing subsequent to taking a decision isn’t helpful.

Personal issue number two:  I really hate commuting by bus, but I’m committed to not buying a car.  I get carsick when I read and I don’t think watching podcasts would be better for my nausea.  I don’t want to spend the money on something which will allow me to watch podcasts anyway, and I lose and break expensive stuff a lot, and that would really annoy me.  I suppose I should just go back to listening to music, but I want to really use that time to better purpose.  It’s 500 hours a year.  I must think on this.

Personal issue number three:  If there was a way I could convey in respectful language how much I loathe wearing a bra and tights, I’d do it.  Work drag and commuting seem to be the only two real problems I have at work right now.  Grr.

Cats are squabbling outside my door right now.

Personal issue number four:  At what point does one intervene in the life of an adult, family member or not, about a health issue?  Is there a checklist for this someplace?

Personal issue number five:  I made a promise to a family elder many, many months ago, and I’m completely unwilling to carry through.  I really need help with this one.  I prefer to keep promises, otherwise they need to be downgraded to ‘soothing noises’ or ‘f((((((g lies’.

Personal issue number six:  I want to go travelling and visit people without anybody else in tow, and I have no idea how to do this without offending somebody who wants to accompany me.  Lesson:  For such an offensive person, I sure spend one king hell long time thinking about how not to cause offense.  Maybe I should just stop worrying about offending others and try to be more authentic. (Jeff voice in my head “As long as that doesn’t involve bathing less frequently.”)  I’m not a bad person, just lazy, mouthy and self-willed.  On a good day.

Personal issue number seven:  I am not practicing enough, and my mandolin is still broken.  Sigh.

The rest of the list runs to eighteen items.  You can see why I’m a little distracted these days.  

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Born 1958. Not dead yet.

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