Katie force fed me internet puppies until I gave up. I declare myself, if not sane, then at least not at imminent risk of sucking on the wrong end of a nitrogen hose, slurping back a castor bean smoothie or committing abutment graffitti with my vehicle, my current top three most favoured methods of self slaughter.
Then the minister showed up and said she’d stab me in the eye if I didn’t cheer up. No, of course she didn’t do that. I thought of that afterwards. She showed up with hugs, a piece of church birthday cake and the Beacon blankie. Sitting in a quilt that is specifically for Beacon members who are feeling porely is actually quite therapeutic.
Paul has arrived, having traversed the thickets and brambles of me being just completely fucking crazy over the last three days, bearing a standing rib roast, which you’ll have to admit is a very nice way to get me apologize for being irrational.
I’m just going to keep taking painkillers and apologizing, I guess. It will be my new hobby, popping methocarbamol, averting my gaze and apologizing.
When I phoned my mother to tell her not to quit worrying because that really WOULD be insane, she said many encouraging words and some actively evil ones. And that is why she is my mother. Jeff said, “Are you telling me I don’t have to move?” and started giggling. I was giggling too. So surreal. Long car drives suit me, even if they make me hurt. Then he gave me advice on how to fix what was fucked up with the tv. Then I dug my dad in the ribs about his suggestion to volunteer at a soup kitchen. That candidly got my poor tethered goat, seeing pOp has always considered volunteering for suckers (this a guy who volunteered for the Air Force and served during the Bay of Pigs) and so I had to take the suggestion as pOp considering me a sucker…. but it was kindly meant. Overbooked already pOp, and I simply am too much like Sheldon Cooper to do well with really disenfranchised people. Something about not really having a clue about my own privilege. As for his further suggestion to get a dog, I already have one insanely demanding creature, I don’t need two, although having a reason to go for a walk is good. I will use their largesse to buy myself some mental health, in those expensive installments that are only partly paid for by the plan at work.
Don’t apologize – CELEBRATE!