Jeff’s tenancy with me has consisted in part of him going away and thinking for a spell when I say things like “Why can’t we have the internet on the big screen?” and “We have to many fucking remotes; when you go out of town I can’t even reliably turn the TV on; can you fix that?” mostly to prevent himself from saying something mean to me about how I’m too dumb to understand the two page instruction set he laboriously wrote, AND updated at least twice. Jeff produces good documentation and I am dumb as a brick; these two facts are incontrovertable. With respect to the “Why can’t we have the internet on the big screen?” question he had to do a ton of stuff and set up another computer to make it happen. SO I get to go skipping through life asking why things don’t happen to my liking and he gets to spend hours of challenging labour AND money making it happen. I don’t know which is worse, that I keep thinking I can get away with it, or that he just quietly goes away and does it without presenting me with an itemized bill. On the other hand, I do cook around here.
His latest act of genius has been to bow to the inevitable. I am indeed TOO STUPID to handle more than one remote, but universal remotes almost universally suck. After lengthy study of the problem, he purchased a universal remote and then spent a goodly number of hours programming it to withstand the depredations not only of myself but of my son, who can be a complete ass when borrowing media. Sorry son, it’s true. Of course if you get hit by a car I’m going to regret this, just like I regretted my daily description of cleaning John’s apartment when he moved out immediately after he got killed in an accident, but I don’t go back and oubliette that shit because that’s just lame. I would rather be complicated, messy and inconsistent, because, er, that’s how I am…. But the truth keeps on being the truth even when you could have picked a better moment for the reveal.
Jeff has not only programmed the remote so I can do whatever I want to do with the tv and the Xbox and the monitor, he’s SET THE AVERAGE AUDIO LEVELS. So if you’re going back and forth between media you don’t get blown out of your seat if you land in the middle of a tv commercial. That, friends, is true genius. And he’s always finding new ways to tweak the remote. Go tech!
Today is Mother’s Day. I’m opening at church (and if I’m not, I’ll help….) and then assisting with a Mother’s Day tea. I decided I couldn’t deal with making soup so I baked a whole salmon and made cinnamon buns. Jeff doesn’t know I plan on making more, but I do; it’s mean to fill the house with the supercharged smell of home baking and then say oops, you can’t have any. (Actually I let him eat a couple: “I have good news and bad news. These are the best cinnamon buns I ever made, and the rest are going to church.”)
Yesterday I did laundry and played Buzz ALL DAY. I do not play Buzz every day, but I had four separate guitar playing sessions yesterday and I LOVE HOW THAT GUITAR SOUNDS OMG OMNOMNOM. Also yesterday watched chunks of Canucks game and laughed at Margot for watching Nascar again. She really likes Darlington, and why not. My shopping trip yesterday consisted of propane and guitar strings, because the g string ALWAYS breaks on a 12 string; I bought two whole sets and spares. I talked to Neil Douglas about effects pedals and he laughed and asked me why I’d bother. I s’pose.
I managed to cut the grass last weekend but I have no fucking clue when I’ll get to do it again because the sky continues to dump precip at an unholy and quite soggy-making rate.
After church, the Horde will descend and I am hoping to barbecue some MORE salmon.
Did I mention that I think my brother is a genius?