Ingredaments
Never shoplift when you’re hungry. John
Heroes and heroines drive convertibles. the folks, updated for sexism
Never blame mean for dumb. (Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately accounted for by stupidity.)
I’m glad you showed up, I only had one bus ticket. John again.
Thirty, officer, m a y b e thirty-one. Ron Mahadeo, after making a London ON police officer chase him about ten miles and being asked how fast he was going.
I bet you don’t know something that I don’t know that I’m not going to tell you. Katie aged 7
We’re going to Mars????? Katie aged 4, She asked me where we were going, and I said TAMAR’S and that was her response.
What’s left of him is very dead indeed. (from Wrong Box.)
We used to suck, but now we blow. (from a memorable customer service interaction back in the day regarding what kind of exhaust fan the inverters have.)
“Sir I understand your disappointment with the product but I can’t rearrange the laws of physics or remove the warnings from the user guide!” same same
The earth gravities my mind system, and I forget things. (Keith, aged 6).
They’re cooking their dinner in a garbage can! (Keith, aged 4).
Egbwa! Keith aged less than one year.
It’s a wonderful day for pie! (Family Guy)
“It is most uncomfortable.” Keith aged 8 having fallen asleep with gum in his mouth, only to have it sneak out of his gob and wind itself around his entire body including (that’s enough – ed.)
A low standard to be sure – one of John’s faves.
