The two of Cups

So, I was processing one of the cards for Tarot for Atheists, and I had been dodging the two of Cups because I never felt comfortable with it.  This time I really meditated on it for a long time… and now I have my new interpretation of the card.  Here it is in poetic form, but you get the general idea.  As a standalone, it’s fine, but the card interpretation changes radically in readings.


the two of cups


in profile stern

bearing a grail, or great stirrup cup

she stands so that her tabard barely stirs

against his touch, against his moving will

no occasion of beauty or grace

as they part

their attachment sundered

by disease

body-borne and spirit-lowering

see the winged lion flying expressionless

the cabin announcement of bad news

cruising into crazy danger

and l o  o  k the lion’s got a caduceus

jammed up his ass

the point of which is resting on

the young man’s hand, and wow

garlands of paper flowers or hell

maybe he sprang for roses

(they got the picture done professionally

after all)

you can tell this young man putters

over his appearance

he is in full vigour and sweetness

and wants you to choke on it

to eat the entirety of his cruelty, which is

of two fold kind;

that he is young and beautiful which he

need not say for it is for anyone to say

and that he must make you drown

in your own decay, hating the smugness

and hatred of the old, you get reflected

decades later.  It was you who did this, you.


in the meantime they are going to break up

he gave her clap, or his coke addiction

cost something. or she went crazy

or got in a car accident and couldn’t fuck anymore.

me, I’m hoping that red roof

in the background may be an inn.

Visits and writing

We are through Cadfael and well into The Good Wife.  It is a very well acted show.

I am up to 10K words on my Tarot thingee and enjoying it immensely.  I have to set up a spreadsheet to try to deal with the interrelatedness of things.

Today I think I’m going to have a mushroom and spinach omelette for breakfast.  Cause I really need to use up the spinach and mushrooms, yo.  Also, must go to veggie store… all the veggies I pre-prepped so we could have INSTANT HEALTHY SNACKS are, like, gone.

Sue came by yesterday to borrow my fascinator.  I have two- the steampunk as opposed to headband one.  She is in no fewer than THREE shows this fall, which given she’s fifteen years older than me is a big old YOU GO GIRL. Her energy and acting ability continue to be a joy.  And she was wearing me mammy’s scarf whot she knit for her, which cheered me no end when I greeted her at the door.

Paul has taken me out for a couple of walks recently and it’s always nice to go to Deer Lake Park.  A couple of times he has providentially gotten me out of the house during the only two hours of the day it wasn’t raining and blowing.

Night before last the thunder and lightning at midnight shook the house on its foundations.

Two more sleeps for more Breaking Bad.  The race to the finish is enthralling.

I updated my google plus profile to make it link back to this blog.  Or try to.

My shoulder really hurts off and on (I am at an awkward stage of how strong and mobile that joint is, constantly reaching too far and doing too much) and I’m having meshuggas with the cpap machine, but I am letting neither of these things spoil my mood.  I do have a new hose for the cpap after my whining. So go me.  I’m out of pain pills but it doesn’t seem to be affecting how little or much sleep I get.

Not being able to practice mandolin is making me NUTTY.  I mean, nutty.



Hanna kissing Hedy / writing matters


Saw Despicable Me 2 and loved it.  Some of the physical humour is right up there with Warner Bros.

We’re most of the way through the first season of Good Wife and Jeff and I are quite enjoying it. Except when a corrupt member of the legal establishment does something, and then Jeff fulminates. It is terrible having had an honest judge in the family; everything else, real OR imaginary, suffers so by comparison.

I got my running around done yesterday.  It was horribly exhausting and it’s fucking hot out there so I came home and collapsed.  I should have gone to Andrew’s Pennywake, but I am good for One Big Thing per day these days, it seems, and have to quit overbooking myself.

I am up over 6K words on my new project and once the sun comes up I think I’m going to go find a library to work in – research don’t you know.  LTGW recommends that as a working style.  I’ll be working on Midnite Moving.

No Cpap last night, I was just too hot and sticky to think about putting the mask on my face, and it smelling like ass doesn’t help.

I had a problem with a technical aspect of Midnite Moving and be damned if the internet didn’t help out.  There is now a nanomolecular substance called CARBYNE.  Isn’t that cool?  Look it up, it’s awesome.

Truck or bus?

I don’t know which one hit me. I did about three hours of light housekeeping yesterday and I am sore all over, not just my shoulder.  I think I need to take it easy and stay in the sling today.

Hey everybody, Chipper is blogging at least couple of times a week at the Red Deer site (link on the right).  It’s lovely to be reminded of all the awesome things going on in the wilds of Madawaska. Mushrooms!  Aurorae!

Orange is the New Black continues to be much fun.  We’ve started watching The Good Wife, which is a great show.  We are also caught up on Ray Donovan and the Newsroom.  Liev Schrieber is so yummy it drives me nuts.  LTGW called the other day (just to say hi! awwww) and I told him that in silhouette Liev is a dead ringer for him cause MAN that dude fills a doorway in the omnomminest way (LTGW knows I’ve been crushing on him since the day I met him, he just rolls his eyes).  Then we talked about what I’m going to do if the fork in the road ahead goes back to paid employment.  He had a lot of encouraging things to say about my network and how I’m not working it properly, and man, I needed to hear encouraging words from a cute guy (okay, my idea of cute).  And I’m still thinking about keeping the shop.  There’s just a lot of rearranging I need to do, financially and emotionally and otherwise, and right now I’m very busted up and blue – a long way from the take the world on attitude I had in March.  Ah, how life plays tricks on one!  But I’m also feeling somewhat more cheerful now that I know I am not likely to have surgery.  Which reminds me, I really have to book some physio.  And pick up a CPAP.  Sigh.  Not being able to drive FUCKING SUCKS.  There I said it.

Of course Jeff has been the soul of courtesy regarding taxiing me around but he’s got a life and he’s super busy with his own work these days (which makes me happy… he’s always learning things). And we still find time to bond over tv and movies.  We rewatched Jack the Giant Killer, it’s a lovely film, almost perfect for the genre.

Yesterday I realized I will have to do some math to figure out what the surface area of my alien’s hair would have to be to have him sail off into the sky like a spiderling.  It’s a hilarious image, I can see him calling OW OW OW into the wind as his semi-sentient hair freaks out and uncoils to full length, hauling him backwards down the beach and then UP UP AND AWAY like a particularly bizarre version of the Flying Nun. Leaving Kima alone with HOOMANS OH NOEZ what will happen?  Probably nothing, she’ll just crawl over to the water and jet.  BAD HAIR!  baaaaaad hair!

Yesterday I made chicken/rice/steamed veg for dinner and then carefully prepackaged the leftovers and labelled them with dates.  Today I MUST clean out the fridge, it’s a horror show.  I don’t want to, but I really otter.

Okay, time to set the timer to do 20 minutes of housework.  (then I take a break).  I learned that at the UFYH site, and it really works.

I quit drinking again.  Very strange.  There hasn’t been beer in the house for almost a month. I don’t think Jeff’s had a beer since the last time we ate dinner with Mike.

Jerome dropped by a couple of days ago!  He showed the most HIlarious video of Lucas dropping off to sleep in his high chair, and every time he drooped his elder brother Brayden would jostle him and he’d jerk awake again.

Margot is spending a lot of time in the cardboard box Jeff labelled Queen Margot I for her.  She’s about the same colour as the box so I keep thinking “What’s the rustling noise!?”






So the folks came by to see the shop yesterday and asked me if I’d finance.  I was very polite, but you can just imagine what I was saying on the inside. What I did say:  “Gosh,” I said, “If you can’t come up with 20K you’re going to have cash flow problems right out of the gate.  “And, seeing as how I don’t really know if I’m ever going to be able to hold down a job ever again seeing as how I may have surgery and rehab and who the hell knows, I was kinda hoping to cash out.” The hell of it is they told me their business model and it would be perfect for that location… but I think they’ll buy in North Burnaby.  Oh well.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND the documentary The Flat.  If you are into family history, it’s a must.  Seriously.  It has so many twists and turns it’s like a particularly unbelievable novel.  mOm you’ve been warned, and it comes with subtitles.

I am so lucky to have family that loves me.  I am crabby, in pain, worried out of my mind because I’m not healing well, and Jeff just banged on the door and offered to take me to breakfast.  Coffee and cream here I come! Also, the cats are adorable; Margot has been particularly cute of late, and she’s being very biddable when I have to decruft her.  Hard to believe she’s five, watching her skitter all over the kitchen to chase a kitty treat.

Assange...etc. I love the spit that Sterling gets on things once he starts ranting….

Nonsense song

I can’t fly but I’ve learned to dance
I’ve got a mustelid in my pants
If I hold still maybe you can grab it
I think he’s in there after the rabbit
and if you ask how did a rabbit git
into the pants of my new outfit
I tell you I don’t make a habit
of being habitat for any passing rabbit.

There is fresh chocochunk cheesecake and I’ma make a batch of biscotti later.

On reading Virtualis

On reading Virtualis.

The world is an urn and a flowerpot

whirled through a thousand fractures

presented as fresh each day

a new grief / a best guess

remonstrating with that first flame.

The catchment area of consciousness

manifesting without irony

ever pointing at pressure, heat & dispersal

no mouth, no eyes, and yet there is a record.


Sad to walk

under a pitted and still perfect moon

to speculate of other lives suspended

in that backdrop, radiant with stars.

For they are there, attending whirligig systems

and that distance can be spanned

with all these fragile linkages

the coded tithes of empathy

as my thoughts consent to be used this way.


I will imagine you, poet

perceiving me across this gulf

and lose all place and time

before a sky transformed into an altar.


Gay schlafen

The newest character in Midnite Moving can be sent to sleep for a couple of hours by saying gay schlafen, which is go to sleep in Yiddish.  Which is the kind of thing that happens when two people who are alien mad scientists who shouldn’t be having or raising children decide “I’ma risk it”.  And don’t you wish you had THAT app.

Awoke far too early this morning.  (boring SG1 reference) Amanda Tapping tweeted about her Bouvier, George, who’s 120 lbs of lapdog, and whose gas rivals that of Christopher Judge.  These are the kinds of things I find teddibly amusing, which is as much as you need to know about the compos of my mentis these days.

I am arguing with myself this morning as to whether I really want to go to an all day church event about growth.  I think it’s a waste of money, but I am curious about how this expensive Unitarian boffin – who just so happens to be the establishing minister for the church – is going to fire us up.  I don’t want to go, as I am afraid I will ‘air my views’ in a ‘less than respectful or helpful way’.  Maybe I should.  Teach the controversy and all.

The waste of money part comes from the notion that growth comes from being an attractive church.  Our Religious Education program, which is the magnet which draws young adults with children to the church, is fanTAStic in terms of curriculum and staff . no srsly . but badly housed.  I mean, really badly housed.  The space we’re renting doesn’t suit and most parents come in and see it and recoil in horror.  We have tried to get this ameliorated but we DON’T OWN THE BUILDING, and of course unless every elder in the congregation drops dead and leaves his or her entire estate to the church, we never will own a building either.  On the basis of my conversations with other churches this not having a building ain’t a bad thing.  Church buildings get older than human beings eventually and there’s nothing like remediating asbestos tiles and leaky roofs and recalcitrant dragon-furnaces to put a damper on Sunday worship and cast a pall of gloom over the Board.

As it is, we can do church anywhere, with despatch and aplomb.  We’d hate to move again, but we will if we have to, and church will continue no matter what.

Looks like Katie’s buying a restaurant.  She’s seen it done right and done wrong, and I’m sure she’ll be fine.  We do NOT have big plans.  We have small ones.  I am going to be the silent partner and biscotti baker, which I am very happy about, since I will finally have a space close to my house which is exactly what I want for baking biscotti, and the way the law works anything that’s baked there must be sold there in at least some quantity so it’s not a factory.  I’ll be making a deposit on Monday (she’s at work even though it’s a stat) and Katie and I already have an immense list of things to work through.  I want her energy and intelligence to be rewarded.  Keith expressed reservations, interestingly, but I think he may be experiencing jealousy.  Which reminds me, now I really DO have to change my will, so Keith and Katie get a more equitable share, and so Paul is no longer the executor.

We’re not planning on making any money for most of the first year, start up date April Fools (and you should have seen Katie’s face as we set the date).  The easiest thing for me to do is to think about the money as being lost.  Out of the gate.  Something about this feels right though, there’s a weird ‘this will be okay’ vibe.

The Treasurer problem I had has been resolved.  I crashed the chart of accounts somehow in Simply Accounting and reasoned my way out of the problem with a few adjustments. Now it’s time to MAKE RECEIPTS FOR ALL THE DONORS.  It is a finite problem with a deadline, and it’s all good.

Sundry and various

Today, churchy stuff to do with bookkeeping.  I know that voluntarism is the root of civilization but GADZOOKS sometimes there seems to be a lot of it.

Perhaps an inch of dense wet snow fell yesterday, and is still here.  Given that they weren’t much use in the car I’m glad I moved the crampons indoors where they will hopefully prevent my brother and I from skidding around the back deck like very bad acrobats.

There is nothing like having an appropriate midnight snack in the fridge.  I mooshed up the overcooked veg from Sunday’s roast beast dinner with the leftover cheese sauce and it was nommerly.

I really think at this point it’s time to change my ring tone to something less annoying than a fax squeal.  It went off in church on Sunday – the Leonard Cohen service, and how good it was, less the stupid phone going off.

Jeff and I had a Tom Hanks fest yesterday; we watched Joe vs. the Volcano and Cloud Atlas.  I have to say I loved both movies although obviously for different reasons.  I am definitely interested in reading the book of Cloud Atlas.

I have joined (hopefully) some form of trope bingo; I will be writing songs instead of stories though.

I have a job lead that I am working.  I would be so happy if I could be working before the stipend from being laid off runs out.

I’ve seen both of my kids within the last couple of days so that little bit of soul hunger has been satisfied.  They are thinking of tag teaming on a trip to Australia; I would love that and would even make with a subsidy.

Okay, time to make a list of all the things I want to do today, mostly so I can feel guilty when I ignore it….

What the Grand Joculator brings us

1.  Jeff says he’s paying too much money for rent.  In Vancouver that is not true but he sure could pay less rent elsewhere in the province, someplace on the Island for example.  He says he’s going to give me plenty of notice so I am very relaxed about this.  Not having in house tech support would just about kill me, as would giving up the flat screen and cable and the PVR, but life is full of interesting times and changes.  It definitely means I might end up with a different roommate though, and that raises the specter of a whole other series of maddening things; Jeff is/was the best roommate evar, as I believe I have stated a number of times.  I can see his point though and we all have to take care of our own needs.

2.  The new Galapagos BBC 3D documentary from David Attenborough is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.  Highly highly recommended.  Don’t forget to watch the “making of” too.

3.  Signed off on my taxes for the last 4 years.  I should get a large amount of money back, but of course the feds will have to look at the returns before that happens.  I remain sanguine.

4.  Job hunting is interesting.  I got a lead from my network of contacts, and it is wonderful that it happened BEFORE I started instituting the new job search parameters (working the network).

5.  South Fraser Unitarian Congregation may get me as a speaker for Easter.  I’d whip out my previously provided Jesus service.  We shall see; I have not yet received a response.

6.  The sun is out, and I walked around in it, and of course the world seems like a better place.

7.  (link removed for safety) This.  Oh, this.

8.  I came up with a really cool idea for a science fiction story and forgot to write it down.  It has something to do with old people and robots, and damn I’m mad – I have a pad downstairs for all the ideas I get while I’m watching tv and there are tons of them so far.  Why, o why, blarp blergle.  I could have just written it down.  That’s what pen and paper FOR, SILLY APE.

9.  Did I mention I am on the waitlist for the Translink busker program?  If I’m still not working, I may do that to raise cash.

10.  I’m going to have some of the roasted squash and roasted garlic soup for lunch and then back to the job hunt.

11.  I’ve been sleeping downstairs and completely NOT HAVING ANY SCREENS in my sleeping room.  As a consequence my back is much better.

12.  WOWZERS.  Great news for deaf people.

Some phrases are so evocative

I am currently reading Joshua Foer’s Moonwalking with Einstein.  Which is, textual evidence to the contrary, about memory and memory palaces and the history of memory.


He has provided a phrase I find particularly memorable.  On the day of his bar mitzvah, he was a ‘parrot in a yarmulke’ which essentially means that I will not ever be able to think about a bar mitzvah ever again without this mental image.


I was writing cheques for church this morning over at Sue’s place (she also joined me for breakfast) and her cat punched a hole in a letter I have to send.  Most entertaining.



Visited with Sue this morning to help her download from her daddy’s funeral. He was 102.  Meshuggas about the inheritance; waiting is.

LOVELY visit with Mike last night (funnily enough I’d been kvetching to Paul, with whom I was practicing yesterday, about how MIKE WUZ NOT RETURNING MY CALLS WAHWAH) and he called around 8 and I kinda forst him to let me come over.  I brought Otto and sang Theo’s Theme and John Scalzi’s Blog and Compost and Grateful and It’s Just So Nice When Someone knows your Name, and Lemming’s Twofer, and the first verse of Wanted to Believe, and Mike sang the drop D version of Dylan’s Tangled up in Blue and another song, I can’t remember which.  We talked about various things, including how trying work is for him right now, and how the insomnia really doesn’t help. BUT HE FOUND THE TAYLOR.  His parlour guitar was lost in the move but he found it again, and so me happy.  I was VERY BAD and drank two beers, which made me so drunk I collapsed on the sofa and slept from 10:30 til 8:30 the next morning.  Two beers.  I always was a lightweight, but this was ludicrous.  Also worked on Rozo for a while, her shoulders were a reticulation of weenie little knots.  While I was there Mike called Brian and I got to talk to him for a while.  There is nothing like the sound of a friend’s voice, yanno?

This morning I came home and promptly started brekkie for Jeff, being melon and bacon and pamcakes, and then Sue called and I went off and had a second breakfast of more coffee.  Also, getting checks signed so I can pay some churchy bills. Then I wandered into a sign shop and ORDERED the John Caspell Memorial Pinball Parlour sign for reelz this time, and then my other errands got shunted aside as I had to trot home due to the coffee.

Now I am looking up the language of flowers on the internet for a bouquet I’m buying for the minister tomorrow and as soon as I change my clothes – ew, slept in my clothes, what am I, frosh at some scummy college??? – I’ll be off to buy a floral bouquet, pick up some more spray paint, and buy some eggs and butter to get going on some biscotti.  Roast chicken for dinner tonight.  MMMMM chicken.

I cooked a pork roast the other night with basil and lemon thyme from Suzanne’s deck garden.  It was nommy too, although Jeff owned that it was a little overcooked.  We did agree that pork roast should be roasted, it doesn’t cook right in the crock pot.

Paul and Keith are off to Seattle for the long weekend.  Katie is doing cat care this time; I should call her.  The only reason I know she’s alive is from her facebook comments.

Miss Margot has been extra barfy.  I need to brush her very very thoroughly and give her a lot of kitty malt.