Don’t poke the bear.

Oof!  Here I was thinking nobody reads the blog and apparently I might as well have set fire to the building for how seriously people took my insanely huffy and emotional exit yesterday.  One.  The employee I was so pissed with yesterday is the best his boss can afford.  He’s not the one I am really choked with.  The real reason is never the surface reason.  It was like kicking a cat, and I know it.  He can’t help it if he’s young and good looking, God slap him. Two.  A good night’s sleep, or shall I say an adequate night’s sleep, and I no longer feel like accusing everybody in eyeshot of every crime in the calendar.  Three, I don’t want to go back to school.  I want to finish the projects I have, not take more on.  Four.  I still want to quit, not because I don’t want to work THERE but because frankly I don’t want to work at all.  Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena reveals that this is not a plan, this is wishful thinking, speshfully if one has no independent revenue stream.  Five.  I’m a lot more upset by Brian’s departure than I thought, and then I talked to Paul about it, and he nailed it so I’ve been marinading in that for a couple of days.  Six.  The back treatment, about which I have been so hopeful, has made my back actively worse.  I’ll go in to the clinic on Monday but I’m not expecting a shift and in the meantime my chronic pain/numbness is MUCH WORSE and I can’t take painkillers for it because it triggers migraines.  It doesn’t help that I have to beat the snot out of my back with every bus I take on and off that goddamned hill, because BY ITSELF that bus ride makes my back worse.  Every day I walk by a car dealership and every day I have to tell myself that a car is NOT the solution to my problem, in fact it was a long car ride that screwed me up in the first pace.  Seven.  Hormones, glorious hormones.  Eight.  There are three really big, and really not bloggable, things on my mind right now that are ongoing sources of either irritation or sadness and one of them for sure contributed to the mess I left at work yesterday.  I will have to suck it up; that’s just the way life is.

Sorry to everyone I worried.  It’ll be business as unusual today, I imagine.  I am just happy I wrote two tunes yesterday…. some sample lyrics

My only claim to some kind of fame/is my commitment to fun./There is no doubt, I’m halfway wore out/And I’ll be more worn by the time I’m done.

So it’s not all bad.  Baying at the moon is such a civilized occupation.

Oh, I apologized to the deck (I’ve been most disrespectful to it lately) and asked for a reading.  Guess the question…

Hanged Man (Snert)

8 Wands (ow)

7 Wands (ow)

Judgement (!?)

2 cups (ow, ow, ow)

The Tower (ow, ow, ow, ow)

The High Priestess (WTF?)

Queen of Swords (ha!)

10 Pentacles (phew)

Queen of Pentacles (interesting….)

First three cards = struggle

Last two cards = money… with lots of interesting stuff in between.  Still can’t figure out what the lady of the crescent moon is doing in the spot she is occupying but I’ll look at it for a while longer before I put it away.

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Born when atmospheric carbon was 316 PPM. Settled on MST country since 1997. Parent, grandparent.

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