Day: November 27, 2021

Tom in hospital

pale green
pale grey
mushroom beige
one can wake to a drowse, just a tiny bit
of consciousness
and know you’re in hospital

He breathes in six to ten second gouts
and I watch
family & friends    the doc     the nurse    the housekeeper
come and go

Sometimes we sound him
for how he’s doing
& sometimes he replies and squirms like a sleepy toddler

in a bed too small for him
he shrinks
and next to him
just there
on the other side of the window

another place for people to go to die
and get better
and fight death to a draw
is rising
under the watchful eyes of the crows

while his son speaks softly and rubs his back

the time that passes is modelling clay
the time that passes is silent pictures taken of a dying man
as he rests in the arms of his son

Raining hard today

Tom’s memorial service is today. I gave him that hat. Yesterday we gathered at Peggy’s to rehearse and eat Chinese food (I brought home Singapore style noodles) and I got home about 8:30. It’s almost giddy making to be experiencing SOCIAL INTERACTION and then I got home and had a panic attack for about an hour (thought I was having a heart attack until I realized that the pain went away when I was breathing properly).  Talked to Brooke about how to wean off of Inderal, which was super useful.

Jeff C GAVE me his dulcimer capo but I got him back by paying for dinner. It’s so lovely to be able to sing in a group again.