No Mike

Mike was sick. He never leaves his apartment, or so rarely that it’s like never, so he must have caught the ‘lurgy in the elevator. Not COVID symptoms.

Today I get my massage table back. It was on long term loan to someone from church. Yes, I know, stuff coming back in is WRONG but it’s going to end up at Caspell Junction since there’s more humans who need it there, so it’s going back out again.

Unless Jeff says different, we’re not handing out candy this Halloween. Diabetics shouldn’t buy candy, it’s just…. too extra.

@GrievingOgre on twitter if anyone cares.

Big slug of Indian food for breakfast, and I made coffee in our brand new french press.


muuuuuch better tks

A lovely woman named Tania, stepmom to a  plus sized 16 year old, just came to my door to fetch all my halloween costumes and cosplay stuff. It made a big bag and I hope the girl has a great time with it all.

an updated version of the craigslist FREE SHIT  ad:

I’m old and I’m dejunking. I’ll never wear this stuff again and I want a younger plus sized woman to have these and my family and friends aren’t very halloweenie. Please email me back and tell me why you want these awesome costume components between now and 8 pm Sunday the 10th October, and you may be the proud new owner of:

Blood red lab coat (originally men’s sizing I believe, it’s chonky)

a ‘peaceful villager’ costume from Stargate Atlantis picked up when the costume house on Boundary closed (unfortunately the tag fell off so I can’t prove it)

Pigskin suede pants, zipper closing, lined (these are worn and likely need drycleaning, size 16)

a Victorian style long beige skirt with elastic waist made by a local costumer, some wear

a dark green underbust corset with green ribbons made by a local costumer

brightly coloured pantyhose including tie dye

2 leis

a jingly scarf for belly dancing

a black and silver belt

BONUS HELLO KITTY BAG – how she will squeal when she sees it.

2 forearm cuffs in dark brown figured leather with red ribbons

an 18th century style men’s costume house jacket in red and black, very suitable for vampire costuming

a very sparkly MC/toastmistress style jacket in black velvet

Black mask

black lace fan

dark blue knee length hooded wool cloak with ribbon closure, made by a BC costumer, absolutely gorgeous but… moth holes. Patch or embroidery mending with flowers would be cute. People get the hell out of your way when you wear this.

special non clothing bonus – 3 sheets of Buffy the Vampire Slayer character stickers from 2003, postage stamp size

I’m 200 pounds and all of this fits me except the pants. No picking and choosing, take it all please. I don’t have a cell phone or a camera at the moment so sorry there’s no pics. Pick up at my place or I can drop it off if you’re close to Edmonds. Be creative with your response — I will enjoy it! Broke ass cosplayers represent!


and now it’s gone


And I have fulfilled my “bag or box a week outta my house to better digs” tickbox.

biscotti and grief

Later this morning after Jeff’s conference call I’ll be taking Alex’s birthday present and some burnt almond biscotti (they are not burnt but they are definitely crispy) to Paul and Katie and Keith and Alex, and then I’ll mail a letter to my fOlks and then I’ll take biscotti (unburnt) to Peggy.

I put graphite in all the door locks except the garage door, I’ll try to remember that today. What a difference, phew!

I hope to do some more laundry today. I feel very stuffingless and sad and I’m trying really hard to give myself a shake and acknowledge my privileges but dang it’s hard right now.

truncated day

After spending about three hours girding myself up mentally I got myself out the door to see Tom this am. He is thin as a rail and not greatly responsive. I have had my last exchange of words with him unless I am unduly fortunate.

The last thing he did for me was leave food on my porch.

Jeffrey C from Seattle came up to see him. There were already three rellies in Tom’s room when I arrived so I departed after giving him a very hearty and very sincere hug.

I was going to go to Brown’s after but I saw that there were taxis at the stand and said fck it I’m for home. We watched some TV and I ordered fish&chips from Cockney Kings.

Leaving the house is not psychologically easy.

Someone answered my ad for a cultural competence read and while they are a super awesome creative human being with great taste they are alas not what I’m looking for but he gave me some leads which was awesome.

Fantastic night of sleep

I slept almost 10 hours, which is fantastic.

Today the weather has turned cold and wet again, after a glorious day full of sunshine. Paul and I walked the Foreshore again yesterday, and while there were no interesting birds we heard a raven call repeatedly and the trails were almost deserted, which was pleasant.

I managed to squeeze out about four words on a fanfic about a brewpub owner who’s all butthurt about a review by a noted food critic. I find fanfics are a lot easier to write if you get how people make a living squared away first. I’ve only ever worked on one where everyone involved is in the film business and I absolutely love it ….and then story problemed my way into a big mess which I’m going to have to fix at some point before I can write an additional 10k and finish it, but I don’t have the energy. Now to talk myself into a trek down to the hospital to visit Tom. And also eat, I’m not particularly hungry.

Spoke to Katie on the phone and heard Alex in the background. All are well. Katie is still planning a homebirth. Jeff is off to the dentist… the day is begun.


Jeffrey and Jeri Lynn are visiting from Seattle to see Tom.

I am glad they’re here in town but the circumstances are hard.

Let us love each other while we can.

Spoke to Mike yesterday. Strangely he and I both had a horrible night’s sleep, night before last. Last night was much better. Even so my mood is somewhere between spiky and sad. Perhaps coffee? We actually purchased ground coffee so maybe that’s what I can do to lift the mood.


restless anal syndrome is now a thing


I ordered mask braces today, including a size that will fit Alex.

I am a happy girl, somebody vacuumed the games room. Someone named Suzanne.

I hope to a) do a shop and b) visit Tom today. We shall see.

I try not to comment on shit Trudeau does because mine is not an informed opinion but I literally and honestly believe that him holidaying in Tofino for Truth and Reconciliation day was specifically and vindictively aimed at JWR (Jody) for having the nerve to not be his house NDN.

I wore an Anishnaabe design on my chest for yesterday. I want to uphold Indigenous joy as well as sorrow. It was solemn for me, seeing how many people of different racial backgrounds were wearing Every Child Matters gear at Lougheed yesterday when I went walking there with Paul.

Paul is … more like Paul than ever. He spent ten minutes trying to get his vaxx card up on his phone and I asked him to print it out. Watching him deal with his phone at all is extra crispy difficult.







Selyf Roberts

Mae’n brydgell ac mae’r brochgim stwd
Yn gimblo a gyrian yn y mhello:
Pob cólomrws yn féddabwd,
A’r hoch oma’n chwibruo.

‘Gwylia’r hen Siaberwoc, fy mab!
Y brathiad llym a’r crafanc tynn!
A rhed pan weli’r Gwbigab
A’r ofnynllyd Barllyn!’

Cym’rodd ei gleddyf yn ei law
I geisio ei fanawaidd brae–
A gorffwys ger y goeden Taw,
I feddwl–fel pe tae.

A thra pendronai ymhlith y coed
Y Siaberwoc a’i lygaid fflam
A ddaeth, mor wallgof ag erioed
Gan ffrwtian gam a cham!

Un, dau! Un, dau! drwy’r awyr oer
Aeth min y cledd ysgiw, ysgôl!
Fe’i lladdodd, a chan gludo’i ben
Hwblamodd yn ei ôl.

‘A lleddaist ti y Siaberwoc?
Tyrd yma, hapllon fachgen!
O jiwblus ddydd! Hwrê! Hwroc!’
Gan wenu arno’n llawen.

Mae’n brydgell ac mae’r brochgim stwd
Yn gimblo a gyrian yn y mhello:
Pob cólomrws yn féddabwd,
A’r hoch oma’n chwibruo.

rainy blowy weather

I think about getting up, but the house is freezing – we try to wait until the beginning of October to turn the furnace on, but if the wind keeps blowing as is, where is, I may cave earlier. So right now, tea is a hunnert miles away and I want some brung to me.

Last night there was one of those lovely overlaps… Jeff played a TikTok video of Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell singing the chorus of “Grace Kelly” by Mika in multipart harmony. And I said to Jeff, “Play Mika’s Grace Kelly, then you get some more context.” Ryan and Will were obviously having a blast dragging their singing voices out of the tickle trunk (Will has an eerie falsetto, quite nice but also WTF.) And Ryan made an uwu smile (more slang, means like when a cat smiles with their eyes closed, super cute) at the end that was so unforced I just wanted to pick him up and snuggle him and pat him. But that would be gross, good thing he’s such a good sport about his fans. He was fantastic in Free Guy, which is a very entertaining film.

I absolutely love Grace Kelly, and played it many dozens of times the year it came out. The kids exposed me to it of course… if it wasn’t for the kids I wouldn’t have new music like Billie Eilish in my life.

Suzanne will be cleaning today. I dreamed about the house being tidier last night. Smirk.

Speaking of smirks, Lee Pace’s (as Empire) smirk at Jared Harris (as Hari Seldon) in Foundation was epic. He’s a hateful character, and we’re supposed to hate him, and we do.


Kaossilator: L12, G10, 90 bpm, HeL, top C. Hold left thumb in bottom left corner while moving right index finger randomly through top right quadrant. Evokes the motion of butterflies.

and they all went away

amazing how when I put my picture up in the top left hand corner the hits drop away to nothing…. thanks I guess anonymous blog visitors! I have heard your unspoken words and will change it to something more appropriate.

Mike’s dinner migrated home with me and Jeff got some of that tuna, plus the brown rice with cilantro plus the green beans and red peppers, so it was very nice to share it.

Going to see Tom today if the fates are propitious. I may call Paul.

Jeff’s car comes home from the krankenhaus today. It’s been a while.

Today biscotti and brown bread.

Drug interactions

I hate my ADD meds. I’d adjusted to everything else but it doesn’t seem to do anything except make my heart rate 20 bpm faster than normal, my head hurt and it hard to eat anything but yummy carbs …. without giving me any cognitive boost. I’m stopping, it just doesn’t seem to be worth it.

I keep trying to make biscotti for Peggy (Tom apparently can’t eat them) and I just can’t. I’ve learned that if I’m not baking them with love in my heart they don’t turn out properly, at least not to my standards, and I am really struggling with how I said I would do it and now I’m standing around like a fool waiting for a message of some sort or other.

The bright spot (apart from Jeff, the kids the parental units etc) is that I’m seeing Mike today; he and I are finally both well enough at the same time to get together. I can hardly wait to see what diabetes friendly delights he plans on whomping up for me. Last time I didn’t take any of my usual gear, but I’m definitely taking the laptop and the uke this time. I intend to play, “The Friend Who Gave Me This Ukelele” for him, I’ve been practicing.



Dishwasher is running thanks to me, tea is seeping thanks to Jeff, and I just realized that I didn’t get my goddamned bloodwork done because I was about to go in to Lifelabs and I got an email that Tom is sick and it literally (THANKS FOR NUTHIN ADD and also may I just mention that not getting a fucking email reminder of your pending requisition from the doctors office doesn’t exactly fucking help even if you don’t have ADD) knocked doing that out of my mind. So I must must do that today. Which means I have to walk over to 6th and 10th anyway, maybe I can mail the 9 page (large print) letter I wrote to Mary over the last week, and pick up a coffee for Jeff on the way back since he was hankering for one.

weather is frickin GLORIOUS  I mean seriously.

I have a list as long as my hair (which reminds me, I need to tie it up again or Jeff’s going to be spitting out my hairs reproachfully while watching tv as they drift over his face (sometimes he goes GAAAH and flaps his hands because it’s like having a spider web land on you and then OH THE REPROACHFUL LOOK)) and slightly more motivation than yesterday for attacking it. More laundry, working on Finale writing down songs and messing with the voicing, tidying up the music/guest room, working on a couple of new fanfics, responding to Tish’s letter, actually reading the rent increase notice and diarizing it. A small fraction of the goo sticking to me.

I have subscribed to the NYT for a year, it was 1/20th the normal price so I actually thought that was fair. Jeff, it was the article about Jared Harris that made me subscribe, I am such a celebri-fluffer.

Crows called for food this morning, but I put out sunflower seeds instead of roasted unsalted peanuts so they are sulking. (later, there they go again. It’s four-call, whoever she is)

Keith has apparently had an excellent visit with the grandparents in Victoria. I’ll be meeting up with Paul at some point today to walk and possibly visit Tom and exchange stuff, since items keep migrating between our two households.

Jeff’s car is still in the krankenhaus. The problem can’t be replicated, so we’re beginning to think it’s bad fuel.

I think I have blown through yet another set of orthotics, so that’s going on the list as well. NO DO NOT WANT. I mean I want comfy feet but I do not want to spend 400 dollars even if my fOlks are underwriting it with my remittance woman stipend.

ADD meds day two. I AM ITCHY. Is it allergies? is it medication? LOL who knows. Much imitating of the Archer character Woodhouse saying in his crackly voice, “It’s going to be an itchy weekend.”

I bought some Red Racer Street Legal Pilsner and IPA for Paul so I have something festive to drink while I’m over there. Got some for myself as well. It’s about the equivalent of a piece of bread, for carbs.

I now have a nightgown for every night of the week. And okay, enough potchkeying around on my blog, I have to go have a phlebotomist stab me, baby.

No difference

Took ADD meds this morning. I can’t feel any difference, honestly.


This is the busking info for New Westminster. Portions of it are unintentionally amusing. DO NOT BUSK MIT CHAINSAWS. DO NOT!

Canadian Blood Services is going to TERMINATE employees who do not get the COVID vaccine. I wish every health care organization and provider would follow suit.

Nobody wants to know

If you’re feeling low.

Unfortunately Peggy’s biscotti won’t bake ’emselves. I have other stuff to bake as well.

It’s a Wittgenstein kinda day: (and here’s me thinking this was Nietzsche

“Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent”

Fortunately I have lots of friends and family to talk to… I’m low, but I’m not lonely.

NO just no please no