Off to the Kinder Morgan protest this morning. For once I don’t have to go all the way downtown – it’s at the tank farm in Burnaby. I don’t intend to get arrested, although there have been four arrests already.
Walked and talked for a while yesterday with Paul. I saw the counsellor on Thursday, and it was really funny, while talking to Paul, I mentioned the many, many things that are devouring my attention so I can’t write at the moment, and Paul said, well what about “This?” and I said “I didn’t even bring that up,” and I laughed because despite how horrible the situation is, it wasn’t even 10th on my list of the horrible things that are on my mind right now. THAT problem I have a fix for. It’s a stupid fix with nothing to recommend it except that I can look at a calendar and say – this is the best I can do and fuck all y’all.
I keep thinking I should cry, and I did cry a couple of times yesterday, but my tears dry up because a) I don’t really feel it and b) I feel embarrassed to give my grief any purchase. It’s as if I don’t believe I’m justified in feeling this blue – that I just have to power through it.
Then the counsellor says she’s going to a conference at the end of the month about how to offer counselling support while the Cheeto in Chief’s in office when I mentioned that GEE IN ADDITION TO ALL THE THINGS I legit can be unhappy about there’s that nuclear missile adjacent asshole so I guess I’m not the only person getting my joy killed.
However I imagine I’ll have some joy next weekend – hoping to make a run to the Island with the grandson and mama.