new(t) song

Good morning folks: this is a song for other people. My own fOlks have hidden their qualms under their loving support, which allows me to write stuff like this.

None of this is directed at you, mOm and pOp. You are the bestest, and if you aren’t or weren’t, strangers on the internet are not going to hear it from me.

I’m just me

Why won’t you live up to your potential
why can’t your report cards be the best
parents pour anxiety torrential
when your outcomes don’t match your IQ test

If they think that you’re a genius (genius genius)
they take it personally (you have no idea)
when all those brains (which you inherited from them)
don’t hit the jackpot financially (you should have majored in something else)

Pause for heavy sigh

Some parents think their kids
to obedience are bred
Do what you’re told, don’t shut down when we scold
don’t you think that you’re too old
for this, whatever this is (looks around the room in perplexity)
It isn’t real life and it’s mostly in your head

Pause for heavy sigh

Why won’t you toe that gender binary line
Why are you judging us we only want what’s best
We never had this stuff in ’59
and look at us we turned out fine
is this….
some kind of sick millennial test

Spoken
If you say one word to complain about people born after 1982 I will end you and come back for your books.

We admit that there are people who need help because they’re sick
this gender nonsense will not stick
it’s just a phase
Statistics and research
and a banker box of trans and enby merch
don’t mean much to us
for what we want is praise

Why are your friends
all more important than we are
We raised you from nothing
and you have taken this too far

Your diet is too fussy
and your hair is always mussy
– nothing about you meets the norm
You say you don’t want kids
well that’s not something that we did
and now we’ll drone our one word song
conform

The child speaks

Your concern
I can’t distinguish it from hate
though it will never be too late
for respectful conversation
Your concern
comes from a place of bigotry
Hey I’m just me
and I’m not here for your placation

Hey bio dad
It hurts me that you’re slow to understand
Hey bio mom
My strangely human ways
were not what you had planned
But family
ends up being where you find it
And I’ll find love where they don’t mind it
If I’m just me

 

 

 

 

later: discussed this with a transman – he wants to set the tune to music…..

More filking

Did my twofer today – good grief it is now yesterday -: I sang Elephants – which you will have seen recently, as I just wrote the durned thing, and Lemming’s Twofer, which is a patter song and I’m thrilled to say I got through it without huffing.

Sang Frobisher Bay and 40 Million Light Years in circle tonight.

So: Frank Hayes was in the chaos circle filk room tonight and he sang his entirely marvellous When I was a Boy and THERE WERE THREE followers – the same song with different lyrics.

So the original was a Pegasus winner in 1998. It was the first song I ever heard Tony Fabris play. This would have been *before* the first Conflikt, when the excellent folks of PNW filk fandom were first dreaming about a regional filk con.

The first follower was the x rated version and DAMN we laughed. – Tony sang it.

The second follower was the social justice version, sung as if by the Hidden Figures women from NASA. Fucking awesome, and written by a guy too. (THE FEMINISM, GENDER BINARY POSITIVITY, ACE REPRESENTATION AND ALL AROUND COOLNESS of this convention is fucking mindblowing. SISTERHOOD BE POWER FULL YALL)

The third follower was Tony Fabris’s own filk of it, which he doesn’t sing any more, sung by Kathy Mar, and set in the future.

As the songs were whirling around, Frank Hayes mentioned that the Interfilk Guest (I was an IG once, for GAfilk) Lauren Cox had sung on stage a line “What’s the name of that disease” which is a reference to Frank’s consistent and storied ability to forget his own lyrics. She had HEARD OF FRANK HAYES’ DISEASE through filk fandom and

WHEN

HE

INTRODUCED

HIMSELF

and said I’m Frank Hayes, Lauren said in tones of ultimate surprise.

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH”

Ain’t nobody mythical in filk fandom.

Anyway, mOm, we raised over two grand from the interfilk auction and so, soon, some other mOm will get an excited call that she’s getting an all expenses paid trip to someplace amazing to SING.

There are at least 21 former IGs at Conflikt.

What a community, so proud and happy to be a member.

At conflikt 12

Travel was excellent, border was a lark; on Friday we stopped in Greenwood and ate ‘za from Razzi’s – expensive but VERY FINE PIZZA with tremendously high quality ingredaments.

Checked in without difficulty, comfy room with a balcony, not too noisy (faces SEA so there is aircraft noise.)

Last night filked with Cindy (Lady of Komarr) and sang Murder Hobo:Odyssey so that was fun. (Paul was paying attention to people’s reactions and he said people laughed their asses off… you know how it is when you’re too busy singing and playing to pay much attention.)

Steak din with Lemming and Paul tonight, we had a good time until my credit card barfed. Since Paul’s did too I’m not too upset because it sounds like a system issue – we use the same bank – but as is often the case my emotional balloon was punctured and I don’t feel great about singing and playing and I now owe Lem 137 bucks, although he was a total sweetheart about it.

We talked about John a fair amount. It is good to have good memories about him.

Today it was announced officially, I will be the Toastmaster for Conflikt 13!!

This means staying at the hotel Friday through Sunday at mininum, doing a concert, being at the Guest Lunch and doing the instafilk, judging a song contest, contributing to the Interfilk Auction (of which I have previously been a beneficiary), songbook and lunch CD, host open filk for at least a couple of hours, doing a panel or workshop, emcee for performer concerts.

I’M THRILLED, I’M HONOURED, I’M GONNA WORK HARD AND DO MY BEST

and I intend to book off the following week to collapse into con crud and exhaustion, because I’m going to be 61 and I’m not completely altered in the head.

 

They have an electrified toastmaster badge NOM I love it so.

 

I have a year to plan outfits!.

 

I’m such a fucking asshole

I just threw the ‘nice anarchist discussion you have here, are any of you parents’ smoke bomb on line.

Seriously, parenting is where theoretical anarchism goes to die a miserable, plastic toy free death; the complete failure of male theoretical anarchists to address ‘the child’ as the primary focus of anarchism is the reason that the only anarchists I give two shits about these days are Indigenous. LONG LIVE THE PLATEAU PEOPLE

elephants

elephants do do do
elephants do do do
elephants in the middle of my living room

There are so many
I can scarcely count’em
They’re packed in pretty tight
and I can scarcely get arount’em

do do do elephants
deedle deedle dee elephants
whoa whoa whoa elephants
in the middle of my living room

So I’ve got elephants
I’m suffering from pachyderms
They’re snuffling their mammoth germs
I’m feeling peculiar and green

They’re oh so hungry
there are so many
They want half a ton of grass apiece
and I alas have not got any

do do do

but I’ve got elephants
quite a herd of elephants
I’ve got a lot of elephants
AND YOU CAN HAVE ONE FOR FREE

 

 

l8r…. did anyone get that this is a mental health song?

forward motion

Mike wasn’t up for a visit – this cold kicked his ass. I did get to see Alex and Katie this morning; we did a brief shop and I got printer ink and treats, mostly, but also toilet paper. I could have hung out more but I was just hanging on by my toenails so I was very happy to be deposited home with my unholy parcels of tasty fat and sugar.

333 words on one project and 240 on the other, so yay me I guess.

I’m going to check on the moon. Something something about an eclipse.

The news is a fucking nest of vipers, is it not?

 

diurnal again

I got the right amount of sleep at the right time of day, so that’s a nice change. Still a snot factory though. Alex is sick too, no surprise. I miss him, it’s been more than a week since I’ve seen him.

I’m still hating Honey on the Moon and not wanting to work on it. I’m hacking away at Tarot for Atheists.

Murder hobo

This is a descriptive term invented some time in the mid-oughts, for somebody who wanders around games killing people and stealing shit as a lifestyle choice

 

Alexios the murder hobo
ran around ancient Greece
He loved to deal out mostly dealt in violence (pron VOI LINCE)
And he dealt it out piece by piece
He’d skulk run around the market square
Inquiring if anybody needed as to anybody needing some murdering there
He’d take it on for a hefty price
And how he got it done wasn’t often the way he got things done (waaaaal) not very nice

chorus:
cause he’s a HOBO!
He’s a murderous
HOBO!
Out a-murdering…
HOBO!
He’s a murderous ….
but ya gotta love the way he loves to do his thing
Alexios the murder hobo
hailed from Thermopylae
Stabs folksbin’ people more or less at random
He really is quite one hell of a guy
He kills stabs by day, he stabskills by night
His armour gets the credit in a big-ass boss fight
He got a bird named Icarus
He always wears the cutest (sweetest) little truss and he’s a

HOBO!
He’s a murderous
HOBO!
Out a-murdering…
HOBO!
He’s a murderous ….
but ya gotta love the way he loves to do his thing

 

Alexios the murder hobo
has everything an Ancient Greek needs
a fabulously stellar reputation
for ugly and horrific deeds
He’ll poison…. all the boys in your crew
and come back (or creep back) in the dead of night and do for you too

CHORUS

Alexios the murder hobo
goes shopping twice or thrice a day
If I spent that much time boutiquing
My folks would have me put away
The drachmae go ka-ching
on all that shiny bling
and man, how it must sting
to pay for anything
when you’re a HOBO
Retail sucks when you’re a hobo
out a murdering
Hobo, he’s a murderous
but you got to love the way he loves etc. etc.

Alexios the murder hobo
Has ships that run on magical oars
I don’t know who they’ve got below decks
I bet that they’ve got friction sores
The sails go up, the sails come down
the rigging defies physics and then BANG they run aground
And he’s a hobo, a right piratical hobo
out a-murderin’
Hobo, it’s legitimate salvage
and you got to love the way he loves to do his thing

Chorus

Alexios the murder hobo
has one final tesk to complete
Climb up every statue on the game map
and teabag them with rhythm sweet
He’ll scramble up
He’ll scramble down
Take a screen cap in the middle
and scramble out of town
Cause he’s a hobo, a pirate thief murdering pervert hobo
out a murdering
Hobo, he’s a murdering hobo
but it’s a filk crowd and now it is time for you to do your thing