New poem – in the subtitles

In the subtitles

do sirens do anything but wail
I’d love it if one time
maybe I’d have to be really high
but it would be great if the screen read
‘(sirens yelling)’
since kids these days sound just like sirens

Let’s hear it for ‘(eerie crunching sounds)’;
‘(bones splintering)’ let’s pare down English
into eyesized chunks
and glue it on a soundscape

wonderful housefilk

Paul was in excellent form and let the singing for a couple of tunes including the Co-pilot song (followed by Cindy’s filk of it for Stargate Atlantis), Save a Fighter Pilot’s Ass, and It takes a lot to laugh it takes a train to cry. He borrowed Jeffrey’s guitar.

Then he did something I had to pull Peggy aside and explain about. Optimism is not the long term plan. Nobody was ‘impacted’ but it was concerning.

Jeffrey and Jeri Lynn were in fine form and have since arrived back home to their cats and their comfy bed, safe. Everyone enjoyed lunch – I ordered from Big Star and Jeffrey and Jeri Lynn are now converts – she got the number 1 which allows you to experience Thanksgiving in a sandwich.

Keith made and Katie containerized beef stew. Unbelievably good although his use of thyme is liberal and to my taste buds lingering at the doorway of excessive. Jeff if you want any better get at it.

Just have to hit save on this; the wind is unbelievable right now and the power could die at any minute. My laptop’s charged, Jeff’s loaner non-phone likewise, I’ve had coffee and stew, let the day drop down on me.

I wrote 41 whole words yesterday. I could say something rude at this point but I’ll do the NYT wordle and my Lumosity training instead in case the power dies.

Alex, bless her, provides the illo

She forwarded a bunch of housefilk pics from The Dawn of Time, let us just say the best part of 15 years. That’s her, Tom L, not sure and Peggy on standup bass (probably sometime around 2007 but why let facts intrude.)

Emotionally the effect of seeing Paul every day for a week is difficult. However he was perfectly happy to be left at Peggy’s at 4 pm, which was my “I’ve been doing unpaid family related babysitting for two different generations for eight hours and I haven’t pull a full work shift since 2017 so I’m done” o’clock. Yes it was nice to see Alex yesterday (he showed off more pictures, and I loaned him the Kaossilator and Keith finally got home from his morning of difficult appointments) and I fed him and got fed on Keith’s tortellini stew (nice because Paul plated and warmed it for me) but I was ready to go home at one and I hadn’t even made it to Peggy’s yet. So he either walked home (1.9 k in perfect weather, well within his max cap) or Jeff C, being one of the good ones, gave him a lift.

When I got home Jeff had supper ready for me. I nearly burst into tears I was so relieved. Then we watched Farscape and Elementary and tried to watch Iké (a movie) but Jeff bailed.

It was delightful and sad to hear Jeff C. relate the circumstances around his father’s death and funeral (the sound system went berserk and yelled in God Voice BE NOT AFRAID while Jeff was at the lectern which is just typical Jeff; the world is an anecdote waiting to be recounted and his life is merely one strand of it.) He also talked about family history and it was very interesting. His father was abandoned by his mother to his grandmother when he was tiny. He had continuity of care but you never get over your mother going WELP DINNA CANNA. And he was organized enough to arrange to buy an anniversary card and sign it while he still could, so he was in the ground four months when his widow got the card…. very organized. Also kind of I don’t know what word to use, uncanny mebbe.

Jeri Lynn spun, using her extremely sophisticated modern spinning wheel (many bits to fall off, and they all tried to at some point), and I got to feel her skeins of unspun wool, including some baby alpaca MAN YOU WANT SOFT you will go into a swoon touching it. She was also previously baking, rolling out spice cookies with a complicated rolling pin when we arrived.

Cindy and Jas were there making Christmas cookies (the real point of the weekend) because Peggy causes someone to bring the spare stove upstairs and then they (the American Thanksgiving baking team) cook nonstop for a couple of days. I am subsidizing lunch today and it will be either ARGO or Big Star. I’m thinking Big Star and I’ll pick up a side salad. Jas was wearing a t-shirt that said ASK ME ABOUT MY HOST ORGANISM and I complimented him on it.

Brooke was in a corner doing a 100 pattern blackwork circle sampler (in multiple colours of course) and swapping Pokémons with Jeri Lynn, Greg was there ingesting hot chocolate and computer games (much as Alex would do were he there).

Finally put gas in the Echo Paul loaned me. I’m considering taking it to someplace to get the fluids checked. I won’t do it and I don’t know when Paul last did.

We didn’t bring instruments. It was my judgement that a) there are enough quality guitars in the house LOL and we haven’t seen Jeff and Jeri Lynn in yonks so let’s visit and do the music the next day (they leave today but later).

I’ll be picking Paul up around 11:30 and then we’ll drive over and I’ll order lunch for the folks. I’ll also pick up a bunch of side salads so we get our veggies.

I feel beat and I just woke up. It will be another long day; enjoyable, but it’s hard.

from theconcealedweapon on tumblr:

What an autistic person says: “How long is it going to take?”

What they mean: “I want to know whether to activate my short term waiting mode where I just wait and do nothing else, or activate my long term waiting mode where I occupy my mind with something else. I fully understand that both are possibilities, and I have no problem whatsoever with either one, but I want more information so I can best adapt to the situation.”

What neurotypical people hear: “I am impatient and demand that everything I want happen right now. Please scold me and publicly humiliate me for it.”

I’ll be talking to the fam about how much I can do with Paul and how many hours in one day/week I can manage, because if this keeps up I’ll get sick. These days I spend so much time every day crying I feel like I’m sick already.

pot8um on twitter:

So many things are out of kids’ control— uncomfy clothes, loud noises, icky food, confusing rules… As an adult, I make my own choices. I wear, eat, and do what I like, because if I don’t, I get overloaded. That’s why I don’t remind you of your 8-year-old autistic nephew.

housefilk

Peggy and a contingent from the US are housefilking this weekend and I hope to take Paul over this afternoon for a visit with the folks.

Yesterday was another challenge; Paul couldn’t log in to his computer so I ended up over at his house twice, once to bring Katie cinnamon buns before she left for work and once to get him and his computer here so Jeff could inspect it. Fed him some tea but had to take him straight home because Keith was going out and wasn’t able to sit Alex. Jeff fixed it of course. This morning I have to go over to Katie’s and hang with Alex for a couple of hours since it’s a PRO-D day and apparently I’m there to enrich his day. Anyway I went a little nuts at the butcher shop as one does when one is remarkably pleasure deficient.

I do not want interacting with Paul to become an ongoing unpaid job but I do not know how to set boundaries with someone with anosognosia. I mean I could try, but if someone is sick and doesn’t have any insight into it what are the rest of us supposed to do.

Talked to Dave on the phone. He suggested Jeff and I try ‘sort of’ which is a CBC show.

Andor first season finale sticked the landing, absolutely superb, no notes.

Farscape continues to be em single weirdest show ever committed to pixels. Brisco County continues to be good clean fun.

No photo description available.

bottom of a gold Mycenaean bowl photo credit @ArysPan

just the facts

Took Paul to a dr. appointment. Took him to get his meds refilled. Tried to get copies of keys made for his place, it didn’t work since it isn’t clear he selected the right keys to make copies of. Once again denied that he had a diagnosis. Once again acted like he was going to get his drivers licence back. His blood pressure is normal again. I fed him macaroni and cheese and half a mango and darjeeling tea. I did his toenails, which were heinous, I assure you.

I’ve spoken to Mike but it was a very saddening (not scary) call and I can’t say more here.

I’ve spoken to Jan G., Jim’s wife. Jim was napping so I didn’t get to speak with him and it sounds like he’s having more than his share of suboptimal shit at the moment.

I sent mac and cheese to Katie for a lunch. Keith sent me home with tortellini and veg, and kidney bean and beef stew. So I don’t have to cook for a couple of days.

I am thinking of making more cinnamon buns though.

I emailed Dave to ask him if I had his permission to call him up and VENT because god knows I need to.

New poem: pentimento and palimpsest

Pentimento & palimpsest

Need alters how I see things
To smother dullness under the hot metal
of discovery
To give it an edge! Ken this
and the hard slap of wave and sail –
the pause before the engagement

I am the old woman who sings
flushed but calm enough

To force the flatness of a bygone age
up and up in brilliant knotted folds
an origami statue, now
perhaps an ornithopter or an owl

The lines reform

The poem is a queue

It is a brief piece of logic tilted against
the pressing and persistent is of essence

The red of the horse harness
the gold of the headdress
all will be re-sown, re-shown, cut
carefully and edited, my ancestors’ bones
are reclaimed
tamped back into the ground

to grow fruit trees and grandchildren

Seas die and flint is born

Flint is knapped and trees are felled

Islands die and people take to boats

Boats sink and brave souls raid the wreck

It all is written over in the end
Earth, sky and water queue for the last word

Philostratus quote

“But your charm is always in bloom—this is how the autumn of your beauty still smiles like the spring in your eyes and on your cheeks.” – some old Greek dude

Makes me think of my mother, and in fact all the elderwomen of my family.

Lovely long call with Dave yesterday. I told him which poem I tried to read to my mother and he said, well, this is more or less where it was an outgrowth of. This video is to reward him/punish him for sending me the SINGLE MOST MINDBUSTING ‘dumbed down’ physics from Scientific American I’ve ever seen.

I mean I can’t even describe it. Three dimensionality DOESN’T EXIST???? IT’S AN EMERGENT PROPERTY? (inarticulate howls of incomprehension).

Anyway he spent five minutes explaining why he can’t get his cats into their carrier. Thus the video.

Spent part of the morning at the Junction. Keith had an errand and picked up Re-Up – their pulled pork and cole slaw is effing fantastic. I kept Paul company, helped Suzanne 1% with Ryker – what a squirmy boy and besides he was napping for the first 90 minutes – and wiped down a couple of counters – and made some hazelnut vanilla tea we got from our last foray into Lougheed Mall. I feel like the ‘volunteer’ at the CMHA Ontario division all those years ago before the first time I got pregnant. (Utterly useless except to make tea.) As far as I know Katie’s first day back went okay.

lovely day of being communicative sometimes

I got two restaurant meals. Paul took me and Keith out for a delayed birthday supper and also to get out of the house so Katie could have some birthday joy in their absence. (He also paid for a takeout schnitzel meal for Jeff, who was too mired in work to go!) Keith talked continuously throughout. Paul literally did not say a word during the entire meal except “Do you want more wine.” (I had Stella, I don’t drink wine). I tried to get a word in edgewise and it was like whizzing into the wind, so I stopped. I’m buying a fucking chess clock, see if I don’t. It was quite disheartening and I can see why Katie wanted them both out of the house.

Anyway, Keith went to church yesterday (he’s networking in process of looking for work) and he spent a goodly amount of time during his peroration at dinner describing what advice he’d give to the church about growing the congregation and I’m like SILENTLY: DO YOU THINK WE DID NOT ADDRESS AND ENGAGE WITH ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS WHILE I WAS ON THE BOARD OF THE CHURCH AND OTHERWISE ACTIVE and DO YOU THINK I AM UNAWARE OF THE DEMOGRAPHIC CHALLENGES and DO YOU THINK I AM UNAWARE THAT ALL PEOPLE BORN AFTER 1985 ARE BROKE or IN DEBT PAST THEIR EYEBALLS. Keith waving off any comments I made did not impact my digestion, fortunately. He wasn’t interested in my insight and thinks he can wander up and tinker. (He’s already friends with one of the church elders because of his work with Philosopher’s Café.) I put 15 years in. eyeroll. I managed to get his attention with my review of Black Adam, so I guess I misspoke when I said I didn’t get a word in edgewise.

Spoke on the phone with Sue Sparlin who will be 80 in January and is a credentialled TV actor excuse me and it was a lovely chat. I also spoke twice briefly with Peggy but she was on a call for the first call and I was out the door for the second call so I’ll try to arrange something today.

Read a Dowker poem to my mOm yesterday or a fraction thereof. It’s bad, (the urge to do that, not the poem) I shouldn’t have; best bet is to loan her the book so she can read and absorb without having to run it through a phone call. It was so good to hear her voice.

Today, laundry, dishes and hopefully I get some writing and practicing in before I leave the house to go hang with Suzanne (caring for Ryker) and the gang.

COLD SCHNITZEL FOR BREAKFAST is AWESOME.