Category: Humour

That giant sucking sound you hear is car ownership

Sixteen hundred dollars poorer, she emerged.  And I still need an alignment and the car DESPERATELY needs to be detailed.  There’s a lip gloss tube EMBEDDED in the driver’s side carpet like a dinosaur bone emerging from a dig.  I also just realized that the dangly thing hanging from the rear view mirror is a beaded toy flogger, and since I don’t swing that way (pitching OR catching), I should prob’ly take it down. But it’s PURPLE.

Anyways… drove ScaryClown home with me last night and we supped on Swiss Chalet that Jeff brought home and drank beers and watched TV.  At one point Jeff said something so funny that ScaryClown and I were rendered absolutely helpless.  Unfortunately, despite its merits as humour, it is not repeatable, even by me, but please accept my assurances that it was convulsing.

Then the phone rang.  I could hear it but Jeff couldn’t (I answer the phone for a living so heard it over the tv noise which was hockeygamish at the time).  I picked up the phone, but because it was behind me & I wasn’t really paying too close attention I had the receiver upside-down.  Jeff thought I’d gone insane because – well, Jeff thinks I’ve gone insane most of the time, but he’s low-key about commenting – I was picking up the phone and saying hello hello with the receiver upside down – for no apparent reason. He said, brow furrowed, with that crystal clarity people use when talking to halfwits, “The phone is upside down,” at which point Keith and I were actually able to start communicating.  ScaryClown at this point was laughing so hard he lost control of his ketchup.  Keith said, “Ah.  Well, I was going to ask if ScaryClown was still there, but I can hear him laughing, so I’ll be there in 15.”

He and Paul came over (announcing pie and yet another six of Lion Winter, Paul found another source, and commenting that the car looks nice) and we had a very pleasant evening.  The highlight was the scary awesome Mt. St. Helens footage.  You know that this blog started with me commenting about Mt. St. Helens every other day, so I have a special fondness for it, and will stay fond of it if it stays dormant.

PZ Myers I luvs him so

PZ Myers, recursively noted atheist of note, has the following to say about a non science oriented health dude who is LOSING his SH*T over being bumped down the shorty awards (a fun but BS tweeting award).

Look, guy, it’s an internet award. For tweeting. Take the big picture and recognize that as far as significance goes, it’s like finding an especially large and fluffy bit of belly button lint.

Pass on by, this one’s about porn

Somebody is finally biting the bullet and talking about the effect it has, especially on younger people.

You know, one of the things about The Correction is that porn will go back to being like the good old days.  It will be drawings, cartoons, carvings on the outhouse wall, sexxay netsuke, possibly pictures, books for sure, and live shows.  Wow.  Never thought about that before, and all of a sudden I have an inspiration for an SF story. That aside, I will now make a couple of other observations.

When I was a wee tad, my parents tried to protect me from pornography.  They said that it wasn’t bad in and of itself, but it could lead inexperienced young persons to get the wrong idea about sex with a real partner.  Nothing that has happened to me since has changed this received wisdom, which is now my opinion.  If kids want facts they can have them.  But porn?  ehn.  As much as I like porn, or the branches of porn I like (being either big budget 70s porn or home movies of contemporary ‘ordinary people’ having consensual sex, if only to avoid the godawful music of current DVD porn), I still think young people should be protected from it, for the same reasons my parents gave me. Don’t ask me HOW you protect your kids from porn; I was very fortunate in that my kids believed what I told them on the subject, and even more fortunate that they at least appeared to be convinced, and that I didn’t have to have the “Please don’t steal mommy’s credit card to order “Splort – an illustrated history of Bukkake”, thanks!” conversation.

And isn’t it extraordinary that I was born in 1958 and I HAD that conversation with my parents?  Sometimes I think I was born in the future and it was only an accident that I ended up living in the 20th century at all.  Anyway, thanks to Tyee’s twitter feed for bringing this article to my attention.  I well know how that woman feels about talking in public about porn.  It’s not a comfy feeling, but somebody has to acknowledge these things before the lies and hypocrisy overwhelm us.  Besides, my parents probably have no recollection of that conversation.  I know my memory isn’t as good as it was.  Okay, move along, there’s no pictures.

Success all round

Waffles = success.

Stationery trip = success.

Band audition = success.

Leftovers = success.

Priceless moments with our furry housemates = success.

Laundry = success.

Walking in the brilliant, glorious, dazzling, heart-drenching sunshine for 40 minutes while carrying a mandolin = success.

This line deleted on advice of counsel, but trust me, it was delectable and loathsome, like a verbal confection of the Marquis de Sade translated by Patrick O’Brian and interpreted by Hunter S. Thompson, and afterwards rolled in a dusting of H.P. Lovecraft.  Still with me?  I guarantee it equalled success.

Watching Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Woods in The Wrestler = success. Evan Rachel Woods supposedly getting back together with Marilyn Manson = you must be kidding = hope he’s quit drinking.

Having transcribed some of Dennis’ interview already = success.

A brief descent into vers libre, big kisses to the one reader of this blog who will actually appreciate this….

the what I do the thinking with, o

it makes a buzz

just like a beehive

teenaged boys have whacked.  So much

to think about . life echoes in continuance . life dancing

through doorways . life unfurling its logic . life burgeoning .

life expiring on its own pyre .

life continues

to have that golden glow

Tonight in the fey

the fading moonlight

I am an avatar of the Parking Goddess

soon this divinity will drop

into the day / day

into whispers . into a rush of sea-borne sound . into the pale

and steady light of winter .

It being Sunday morning, here, have some curse words

Stephen Fry on swearing. SPECIAL BONUS, Hugh Laurie in drag.

Attended a Jim Scott house concert at Tom and Peggy’s last night.  I am going to be in a minority here, but I think it’s possible to write songs about peace love light cooperation and the rain forest and still keep some edge in the lyrics. Let me recast that.  His choice of words irritated me a lot, also, too much repetition, please please please have more respect for the audience than that.  Oh, really it was an indoctrination session?  Why didn’t somebody tell me?  He has a lovely voice and a lot of Brazilian nylon string guitar style but I enjoyed the a capella song about peace the most.  There was lots of singing along and I couldn’t open my mouth or I just would have coughed through the entire concert.  Also a church member and his squeeze talked ALL the way through, and when everybody else is quiet and you’re the one sitting next to the rude people it doesn’t add to the joy. Since this person behaved rudely at the last event we both attended, I’ll let him know when he’s had his third strike. It would be polite… no sense bottling it up and when I can firmly and respectfully tell him he’s rude.

However, Al Sather’s mini mousse tarts put some life back into me.  MAN they were good.

Had a migraine by the time it ended, walked home in the rain and collapsed next to Keith on the downstairs sofa (I walked 6.4k last night, pouring rain both ways), while he groused his way through the new Assassin’s Creed II.  Bastards dicked with the UI AND the game play, so you spend a lot of time falling off things you didn’t intend to.  Also, Ezio walks as if he tucked a carrot into his ass crack and his jumps look… well I’ll let you see it, because I fell over the first time I saw it.  Someone’s going to do a mashup of all his moves to techno, and it will be funny.

I am still feeling odd. Part of it is irritation with myself over something I can’t speak of in public, but I think I’m genuinely sick, too.  I’ll see if church is still an option after I have my vitamins and some coffee.  I kinda want to boycott church until they fix the sound system, but really that’s not a sufficient reason.

Tomorrow I interview Denis, and I am so looking forward to it.

Watched these two movies over the last couple of days.  Flags of our Fathers, Letters from Iwo Jima.  HIGHLY recommended.

How do YOU set boundaries with loved ones?  Just asking.

Unitarian Elevator Speech

Unitarianism is a progressive religious tradition with roots in the Protestant reformation in Europe.  It is now a small but global religion focused on social justice, education, community and dialogue about what’s important to live a good life.

As much as we love our chosen faith, we don’t like talking about it too much because we don’t want just anybody joining.  You see, we only really want intelligent, courteous troublemakers with a burning desire to make the world a better place.  If you’re not that kind of person you should run far, far away and never even think about Unitarianism ever again.

If you do have a burning desire to make the world a better place, ask yourself one question. Is what people do for good in the world more important than what they say they believe?  If your answer is yes, give me your email address and I’ll send you links to a church or fellowship close by so you can attend a Sunday service, and make up your own mind.  No salesman will call.