So I got canvassed last night. I really like Elaine S., she’s a very no nonsense individual. And I explained to her – not to her satisfaction – why I’m leaving again and she said she wasn’t happy about it but she would respect my decision.

Paul says that I just don’t do well in groups, and he’s absolutely right. I think one of the reasons we hang out together is because we both don’t do well in groups, but for different reasons. Paul thinks that everybody in the group should work as hard as he does and takes it as a personal affront when they don’t (and of course they rarely do). And I just want to be the boss, and get really crabby when I’m not. But I’m not entirely sure it’s a character defect, necessarily, I think it’s more likely my brain chemistry. Being high functioning autistic is a trial when you really CAN pass for normal! Anybody who spends any time with me knows I am severely abnormal, but it’s amazing how many people want to say things like “I’m eccentric!” Believe me, if you had my brain chemistry, you’d be freaking eccentric too. Of course, once you learn how you’re supposed to be when you’re behaving properly, you know when you’re deviating from the norm and it feels uncomfortable. Then on a beautiful fall day you realize HEY it’s okay. I’m not normal. Not only am I not normal, it’s my job to be abnormal in such a fashion that other people feel safe to be abnormal too. And to look at the definitions and restrictions on human behaviour which are just plain weird. And to have a darned good laugh at them. They exist for a reason, but do any of us remember what that reason is? I gotta go, I’ve got pecan chocolate chip cookies in the oven, and I just remembered why the batter for the first batch tasted odd. No vanilla! Must amend rest of dough. And write a comedy routine about what happens in cooking when there’s not enough vanilla. And in life. Oh boy. Think about vanilla. Vanilla beans. Vanilla ice cream. Vanilla sex.

under the lava dome

Here’s a pic of Mt St Helens from today now the sun has come out. There is very little gas and very little seismic activity. However there’s lava building up at some stupid rate per day, something like 2 million cubic yards. I’m rubbing my eyes and wondering if that’s true, but the lava dome keeps rising and it’s really warm over there. If you google mt St helens webcam you’ll end up at the site and they give the blurb on current conditions. So no, it isn’t going to explode. It’s just going to be interesting but not a threat to human life. I mean unless you’re a nutbar and have to go take a look. Oops, melted my rappelling tools. Zorch!