Managed to get a visit in with Mike but I asked him to drive me home yesterday morning since I felt absolutely disgusting. There’s a chest cold going around but this wasn’t it – More like this.

Mike has learned the guitar part for Ancient Stones from Skyrim. <—- you have no idea how impressive this is. He’s working from this.  I’ve got the music and tabs and will try to do something on the mando to go with.

Had three bouts of chills and fever at home, slept until 2:30 pm, watched some tv with Jeff, crashed out again.

I’m feeling better this morning, thank goodness. I have to wonder what the hell would have happened to me if I *hadn’t* got the shingles shot – I’d probably be screaming in pain and contagious as hell, as if I hadn’t already been the world’s worst roomie for the last month.

I was watching tv with Jeff last night and thought about my grandma, and how she spent years and years telling her doctor how much her eyes hurt and then I realized if she had a recurring non lesion shingles attack going on in her eyes it would make a certain amount of sense. The pain would be incredible, and there’d be no external evidence and no cure. And it would be worse when she was stressed, which would make her look crazy.

Aw grandma, you were always anxious af but you were never full on crazy.

Anyway mOm’s doing great; with all the weirdness she wasn’t going to get her preferred surgeon and there was a cancellation and poof she got the right guy. HORSESHOES in an UNTIDY LOCATION. Recovery will start when she gets home within the next 72.

Brekky with Jeff and Keith in a coupla hours.

My favourite fanfic rec site died sometime during the night. Someone’s not paying their host I guess.

I’ve been working away on edits for Hair Sinister, and honestly it’s a way better book, and more entertaining, than I thought it was. So there’s that.

not much sleep

Yesterday I felt like I had a wasp nest inside my chin. The paresthesias I’m experiencing, now that I know that they represent an annoyance rather than a death threat, are almost entertaining.

My mOm is in the krankenhaus. We expect her to return, Baba Yaga risen, within a few days. It will be her twelfth surgery. I told her it was a mighty comfort to an anaesthesiologist to know she takes gas like a champ and wakes up all present and correct. Further details as events warrant. I would like at this time to thank Barbara, a friend of my mOm’s, who brought her knitting and cookies in hospital. Through my mOm on the phone I conveyed that I love her! Yeah, I’m a sap.

My hours at work are now full days MWF. I don’t have a problem not working straight days; I personally think this is good to work me up for full time, because let me tell you, my colleague on the admin side earns every fricking penny of her salary plus she has to train a slowcoach like me. I’m going to be good and pack a lunch today. I’m going to try to tempt Jeff into this part of town to get doubles for lunch sometime, cause there’s a Trini lunch counter literally steps from work.

It’s a very chi chi part of town. When I’m better acquent I’ll do a neighbourhood review.

Updated the blurb at the beginning of Hair Sinister and sent it off to mOm at about the same time the doc gave her the news; I was sitting here wondering why she hadn’t called or emailed to comment when she called from the hospital.

No Alex so far this week, I’m starting to feel uneasy about that.

Slept 11 hours again

Given that this is during a time of the month I usually have insomnia, let’s assume that working full time, putting a cat down, having bizarre and frightening neurological symptoms, living next door to a construction site since May and two personal issues (which I’ve discussed with my intimates but don’t belong on my blog) have contributed to a localized exhaustion.

I feel okay, my eyes are telling me I was very smart to sleep that long; my right eye is not all resentful.

I can hear Jeff playing with Buster in the kitchen. I should get up and take him to breakfast; him putting up with my vagaries the last little while deserves some kind of acknowledgement.

slept 11 hours

I’m a little bummed that the timing doesn’t really work out for me to hang with Alex at the pool tonight unless I really hustle and make all my connections.

Went to bed at 7:30 without supper, woke up at 6 am. I was obviously exhausted.

You can picture, I hope, my despair and self-questioning. I do have something wrong with my tongue. Nothing, according to the doctor, shows up in the imaging, for which 800 dollars was paid. It’s still hard to swallow and I’m still getting tingling and numbness and pain. But I should lose weight, right?

Okay, medicine, there’s nothing there. I’m imagining things. I’ll do my very very best to stop having symptoms, since they’re inconvenient, and I’ll stop talking about it too, since that’s inconvenient. I’m just a stupid hypochondriac, and the next time I have something imaginarily wrong with me I’ll find a fraud to treat me since legitimate medicine has nothing to say.

I wish I wasn’t so tired all the time these days. Honestly I feel like I can barely lift my legs as I’m climbing the stairs at the Skytrain Station at the end of the day; really glad that the job doesn’t involve much movement.

and hey the ERM is open source and CANADIAN woo hoo

Paul called last night asking to go for a walk and I just cracked up. Walked to Tim Horton’s yesterday morning with Jeff and then walked for half an hour at lunch and there’s about a k and half of walking for the transit, to and from, so yeah, I laughed. I literally rose from that conversation and went to bed.



After a discussion with the vet and after some really painful discussions with Jeff, I asked the vet to euthanize Deimos. This makes me a terrible person, but he wasn’t going back to where he came from (where he apparently couldn’t cope with the baby) and he couldn’t stay here and I wasn’t just going to put him in the street and hope for the best.

I’m covered in scratches.

I was scared to sleep in my room.

It took 45 minutes to get him into the cat carrier to the vet.

He let me pick him up once without scratching me.

I am really, really sorry, and I am not going to get another cat, probably ever. I’ve learned my lesson.

Buster is being super sweet to me. I fell asleep downstairs and he crawled onto me and fell asleep too.


round up

Week one at work and my head’s in a whirl but it’s decent work for decent money. Commute’s a bit long but it works out okay now that I’ve tried all the various ways to do it. 123 – Expo Line – Millennium Line – 180 or 160 or walk the last bit – takes about an hour. Sometimes the connections are so fast it’s absolutely amazing.

Ba  bies  all   the   time~~~!! at work. And big tummies.

I’ll be working part time from now on, probably, except when I have to cover full time.


happy sigh


Deimos is off to the vet today. He seems to have, possibly, some health problems which are making him crabby and bitey. Once they are dealt with we’ll try re-introducing the boys to each other. If that doesn’t work, we’ll have to rehome him, but at least he’ll have had all his shots and all his most recent vet work.

I wrote a little ditty this morning on Otto; Deimos doesn’t seem to mind music.

Katie bought me breakfast this morning. Her little man is doing well.


yes tomorrow I start a new job, training for a while and then I’ll be called back when coworker goes on mat leave.

I’m really happy about it, and also super nervous. It’s an hour long commute but a) against the traffic which means I can SIT and b) I think I’ve figured a route that doesn’t need the skytrain, which will keep the cost down, since avoiding skytrain has a cheaper fare. Seriously considering taking the folding chair with me if I have to stand more than once the first full week.

My symptoms were really bad yesterday morning, and then cleared for the rest of the day. Right now all I’ve got is the cramping feeling in the back of my tongue and it’s a bit hard to swallow.

I feel like such a bad grandma; I got a text to sit Alex while Katie napped and slept through it…..

Paul is 69

Like what the hell, dude?

Anyway, he took the four of us (less Alex, more on that later) to the Wet Spot in New West, and I had a Hot Chicken Spot salad which was very fresh and tasty, and a choc milkshake, Keith had a burger, Katie had spag and meatballs, and Paul had the quinoa salad. We talked and laughed and I told Paul we were Kids With Wrinkles when he said “Am I that old??? I’m 22!”

Prior to this I accompanied Katie to drop off Alex in Langley at his dad’s. ON THE WAY THERE we saw Alex’s youngest uncle hard by Surrey centre with a shopping cart full of crap and the memorably loose bodily configuration that accompanies being about 2 hours post heroin fix. It was absolutely horrifying and cringingly sad as we drove by. I felt sick, and Katie said flatly that she doesn’t give him 18 months.  Given how much fentanyl and carfentanyl is in Vancouver area heroin right now that disadvantaged young man will not likely make old bones and yes, he’s been in treatment, and he’s even been a couple months clean in the last year, although detoxing in jail is hardly ideal.

His mother just lost her romantic partner to liver disease; she’s having a rough go and I pray her son gets clean and stays that way.

Minutes after that sobering sight we’re dropping Alex off. Now constant readers will recollect that Alex doesn’t always say goodbye, or have any interest in hugging or kissing me. It’s always a bonus. I never demand, because a good grandma understands the sensory issues of her grandkids.

WELL WHAT A FUCKING PAYOUT. I feel like virtue rewarded this am.

He kissed his mama good bye and then he got this MISCHIEVOUS look on his face and announced, loudly, twice, that he WAS GOING TO HUG AND KISS GIGI GOODBYE

and he did, with an extremely cute flourish.

as we drove away Katie and I were HOWLING because he did it deliberately to annoy his dad and fuck I’m still laughing and feeling unreasonably pleased about it. Katie’s attitude is that if Alex is learning his father’s techniques for dragging people, his dad being the only one he uses them on is rich beyond compare. Apple rolls downhill from tree; QED.

It needs only be added that he’s been served, and at some point Katie breaking herself to accommodate Alex staying emotionally close to his father is going to pay off in court, because she’s not the one the cops got called on this past week.

Everything’s fine, but pounding on the door of your ex’s house for twenty minutes while screaming that you just want to see your son is just so bloody mature don’t you think

and what do you think Alex was saying inside while this was happening?

“Why doesn’t Daddy just go away?”

Yeah, harsh lessons all around.

He did see his dad, briefly; Katie’s not an asshole. But he wouldn’t let it go, now, would he. Reap what you sow and blame others.



side comment on another subject… I was collecting seeds this morning for a long term project and found something out about the fresh seed pods which amazed and moved me. Each tiny little seed is attached to a little umbilicus, which when the seed pod is fresh means when you harvest them, the red pigment in the moist pod makes them look like they’re bleeding from getting their cord cut. I really felt the awe of the ancestors in that moment; how everything in nature informs and enriches all of human life.

Deimos and other things

I really really like Deimos, but BUSTER HATES HIM so we’re trying to get them together. Without claws.

Yesterday afternoon went to the pool to hang with Katie and Alex. It was lovely and I NEEDED that soak and talk and stuff.

Then all three of us played in the toddler pool. We played a game trying to throw three balls in the air so they all smashed together at the same time. I got smashed in the face and after my shock I couldn’t stop laughing.

I even hung up all my towels as soon as I got home.

Still do not have a date for my head and neck MRI.


Lovely seeing kids

Saw Katie yesterday for breakfast and a mini ship, and Keith wandered by later. I hope very much to see Alex later. Mike’s dropping by around 5 – I don’t know whether we’re heading out for dinner or hanging out here or what.

I keep trying to post pics from the camera but it appears something isn’t working quite right. I’m still working on it.

First pass edit of HS is now complete. A re-ordering of the chapters and some new material is required for completion, but I am sanguine I should have this done sometime in the next two months.

I am quite energized… it feels like November, my most productive month creatively, has come early.



He’s a three year old cat that lives five minutes from here and his current humans want to swap him. They cite the following reasons: He wants to be AOUTSAIDE NAOW. all the time. They keep having to herd him back into the house. He is jealous of the new baby.  Bounce never was (OH A NEW NAP TIME COMPANION SNORE) but some cats hate the not having all the skritches.

Please note the Greek name. mOm…. you are noting, are you not? A good omen. I won’t post pictures yet. He’s black and white with green eyes. Not the best looking cat but Margot wasn’t a cover girl either.

Jeff and I will go acquaint ourselves with him on Monday. We have a list of questions.

Also, I have a phone interview for a job very similar to the last ‘good’ job I had on Monday. I am not convinced I’ll even be called in for a physical interview so I remain undisturbed and will likely start that other job in November just like expected. I will get out my resume and prep though, it’s a chance.

Reach for the Sky

watched it with Paul and Jeff.. so dated but also in some ways very fresh. Kenneth More is such a cutie SUCH A BRITISH PUNIM ma lord.

Walked down at the Quay today and I’ll tell you I was much cheered to see a Global Artisanal Chocolate pop up store in there. There was this 72 percent cacao dark chocolate and they’re claiming the cocao pods are hauled down a mountain on muleback. It is UNUSUALLY GOOD. They tell you to suck and not to chew, and it was a lot like a religious experience. I got a milk chocolate bar and hopefully the last bar is hidden. I could have spent that much on steak, Calice