trying to stay calm, focused and hydrated

Emptied and loaded the dishwasher, finished the first part of the poem about the bird. Considered banging my head against the wall; considered what it would look like if it stayed that way. Considered Jeff considering me with my head stuck in the wall: “well never mind that get me out of here” and discarded head-banging in its less figurative form as a pastime, at least for today.

I must now attend to the horny appendages at the ends of my legs at least twice a week or they get snarled in shit and cause no end of pain. Filed down to a dull roar?  I’m good. Bending is not good. But the outcome is good, and I have a shower stool.

Oh my god, for two seconds I thought that was Jeff humming but it’s power tools or a generator or something NO IT’S THE HARDWORKING GARBAGEMEN OF BURNABY (well I’ve never seen a lady garbageperson so no I don’t feel bad using sexist language about it to draw attention to that) and now I feel like my hearing is disappearing. Well, I guess I should score my tinnitus as super high today.

There, perhaps that’s enough whining. I heard Mike’s voice yesterday, he called, and he’s having a super rough time (work, isolation, life maintenance). He wants to see me but he says that if he ever got his parents sick he’d self-ignite from guilt and I totally get it. I keep working my way up to being mad about it but it’s

I could not love thee (Dear) so much, Lov’d I not Honour more.

all the way, unfortunately in this case. Filial piety has to count for something.

sleep sleep sleep

Got some bad news the other day and I’m still processing it, mostly by sleeping. I’ll comment publicly after I get the test results, probably a week at least. Side note to mOm, who will worry— it’s not that big a deal, I’m just easily crushed these days and once again I’ll be asked to change all of my eating habits, which I am seriously disinclined to do.

Can’t I just quietly die ? <—– what a wuss. And no, that’s just me being drama llama’s fave hanger-on.


Also, the fact that I’m getting this news a couple of months after I think I had COVID is really, really pissing me off. There are so many things we don’t know, but I won’t be a bit surprised if I’m not the only person this happened to, although proof will take years.