I am so fucking terrified

I am having trouble marshalling my thoughts and I’m having a hard time telling my physical from my emotional sensations.

I don’t want to leave the house, but we’re going to go shopping.

I don’t want to make someone else sick. The winnowing fan hasn’t come close yet and I don’t want it to. I want to walk a golden path through this because I deserve it. I want to catch it to burn off my sins. I want to catch it to spare ones that I love, as if the virus knows that kind of math.

The math of dreams and denial; the math of a sick thought burning a furrow through my nerves.

I need sugar, and flour, and toilet paper, and I don’t know what we’re going to find at the store.

 

8:23 am – we shopped during the old people’s hour, and it was okay, but there is no sugar, no flour and no toilet paper.

from the Nib today…. this

early in the morning

seven hours of blessed sleep last night, most welcome. The weighted blanket the children gave me continues to be one of the best gifts I ever received in terms of keeping the kindness of the givers clearly in mind and its effectiveness.

Newfoundland is experiencing hurricane blizzards, and once again Rex Murphy limns his irrelevance with a lovely misstep, lining weather and climate up together to ‘prove’ that global climate change is not occurring.

It’s weird weather, all the time, until the new normal in about 150 years.

The new fic, which is basically how I grab three major and two minor but re-appearing characters and toss them into a domestic support situation with a major mental illness and a newborn baby girl and five important dyadal relationships to see how witty I can make the dialogue, is coming along nicely.

A list of my twitter trends this morning. LOL

Screencap of five twitter trends: Jesus Christ, snowstorm, Newfoundland, Rex Murphy and YouShouldntHireMeBecause

 

brekky with Katie

Jeff and I were at IHOP with Katie yesterday morning; I’m up now with a cup of coffee, having already cried with horror and laughter over the day that’s begun.

Many cats are fascinating but Buster is a people, and his continuing ability to communicate his desires and mental state in a way that this wacky primate brain can comprehend is simply lovely.

Heard from Tammy this week; she’s about to go on a lovely, much needed and longed for scuba holiday, so I’m expecting pictures when she gets back after Christmas.

Katie and I are hoping to get to Tofino this summer, if we can pick a week.

Working on fanfic. Taking a break from practicing. Baby Yoda is my thingy.

Not too much to report

Watched Avengers Endgame. I found it quite enjoyable compared to most of the superhero movies out there, a good exit from the franchise(s) for Scarlet and Robert.

Jeff is enjoying the performance of Ned Dennehy as Paddy in Glitch on Netflix. Apparently when he was cast, the director was ‘looking for the best looking actor in Ireland and Colin Farrell wasn’t available’. One can characterize Mr. Dennehy as many things, but good looking in the standard issue way is not one of them. LOL

Also he was Hastur in Good Omens; he was fricking fantastic. His screaming is really epic.

Walked to Timmy Ho’s yesterday with Jeff; I’m well in train for getting 150 minutes of walking in, and when I’m walking Alex to school I’ll be getting a minimum of 300 minutes a week in with a school aged child in tow so I imagine I’ll instantly be in shape for that.

Anyway, I think I’ll head off to Timmy Ho’s again; I really enjoyed that coffee yesterday and what can I say, I’d enjoy the walk before it gets so hot we melt.

November 2004 is done

Picked up my new scrip for inderal yesterday.

Walked to Timmy Ho’s with Jeff. I should not be drinking coffee or eating sugar but hey it got us out of the house and I’m supposed to be walking 150 minutes a week minimum for health benefits.

Slept well. Still haven’t set up the CPAP again. Jeff suggests getting it adjusted.

Beautiful hot day. Pride today. Downtown will be a cluster.

I light candles for the dead, bereaved and injured of El Paso and Canton.