Category: Humour

Sundry and various

A Social Network my dad can get next to.

Thanks ScaryClown.

Don’t click on this link unless you are prepared to see what happens when you combine alcohol, a wardrobe malfunction, heroically bad martial arts chops and a friend with a digital camera.

ScaryClown sent me that one too.  It’s a truly amazing picture, and I feel sorry for the poor bastard.  Really.  Why is he still wearing a tie?

 How to make boats more environmentally friendly.

Forwarded from Peter T.

Euphemisms for fire

From the Annals of Customer Service:

We are no longer allowed to use that unfortunate four letter f-word with respect to our products when communicating internally or externally in writing. It’s in all of the user guides, but we’re not allowed to use it…..

Please indicate which of the following euphemisms would be most acceptable to you:
1. failed with prejudice
2. pulled a Rammstein
3. luminesced
4. extra crispy capacitor action
5. boom-lights
6. Mt. St. Helens
7. Toxic bar-b-q
8. Extinguishment event
9. Unanticipated electron migration
10. Plasma and particulate incident
Here’s a couple more (added later)

Exothermically exceptional

Left the operating temperature range behind.

 

Added even yet later

(From a coworker)

Fire – unexpected rapid oxidation Smoke – airborne particulate release
Spark – corona discharge
Arc – see spark

  Hope this helps 
   

http://www.pmichaud.com/toast/

And yet more!!!!
Impersonated a dragon 
Expressed it’s inner hotness
Achieved brilliance 

and yet more still even!!!

1. exothermic event
2. mode transition
3. irreversible failure mode
4. undocumented functional shift

Sundry and various

I met a man with the largest collection of musicals in BC, possibly Canada.  To give you some idea of the scale of his collection, he moved sometime in the last few years and put the stuff that he could bear to part with on ebay and cleared enough money to buy a house in rural Saskatchewan.  I am going to email him today and ask him if he has a copy of Zou Zou, one of Josephine Baker’s movies.

Tammy had a wonderful time on Gabriola and has promised pix.  I’m going over to her mom’s today to see her before she leaves tomorrow morning.

I am very happy about signing up for the CAN car, and the illiterate SUV drivers who keep parking in that spot are going to think I’m a evil evil hag, because I’m going to start calling for towtrucks on people.  Seriously, why are the people who take that spot almost always SUV drivers?  Was that a rhetorical question?  Is this?
The young man downstairs from me gets one more gimme before I rat him out to the landlord. I have now addressed him personally twice; I will give him three times.  I don’t enjoy being woken up like that and his apologies are wearing thin.

After a decade of living in this town I finally poked my head into Sikora Music down on Hastings.  I picked up a couple of CD’s which will go in the Christmas present pile.  I tried to go into Long and McQuade but they weren’t welcoming enough.  I also emailed L&M a few days back and started my email with “Your website sucks a Greyhound bus station men’s room mop.”  And the webguy emailed me back to acknowledge that I was funny, but didn’t actually address my question.  I know it’s not an e-commerce site, but a list of what snares you carry when I search on “snare” would be useful!!  And why am I suddenly interested in snares?  Well, I’m thinking of some portable and classy percussion, and a snare head with brushes, which I had recently seen used to great effect, got me thinking.  My percussive friends are smiling and nodding.
Katie K is back from Maine and visiting rellies.  She said “The theme for this trip is cognitive dissonance.”  My father is nodding and saying to himself, “That’s just a fancy way of saying, “Can I go home now?””

Dinner with Keith, Kate and Tammy went wonderfully, and I completely kept out of the conversation Tammy had with Katie, since it was everything I’ve been telling her for aeons, except Tammy is both more forceful and more tactful, tact being something I should really work on, except nobody would recognize me.  Keith bitched me out for not inviting Paul, and I phoned Paul to try and get his side of the story (and also to alert him about a possible change of address for Katie), but he appeared unconcerned and hadn’t really expected to be invited.  A whole paragraph detailing why he should be happy he wasn’t invited has been deleted, thank god.
Re the change of address for Katie…. stay tuned.  She’s having her troubles, and now she’s working on graceful exit strategies.

Keith’s first two days of Dispensing Optician school appear to have gone well.  He loves the new campus, says “The air here is better than it was in high school” (not hard) and seems to be thriving on being so busy, although he’s kinda sharper and more brittle than I remember him.  He went on at length, as he tends to do, about writing projects he never actually does anything about (I keep saying, find a comic book artist, there’s less writing) and various media things, like TV Tropes which I forwarded him a link to yonks ago and which is still causing him fits of hysterical laughter.  Keith also recited a William Blake poem, which he recently memorized.  I will now pause while my mother recovers from her swoon of happiness.

I also bought a Moleskine.  I am a little fashionable sheep, but it sure is a pleasure to write on.

Now, since my apartment is tidy and all my clothes are clean, I guess I’ll have to actually do some work before I phone Tammy at nine….  The major projects are:

  • Getting all the pictures in albums and labelling them to the extent I can.
  • Entering my songs into Songwriter (now that after four berloody months I found my list again!!).
  • Purging as many of my books as I can.
  • Re-establishing a filing system.
  • Working on a budget.
  • Practicing on my guitar and mando.

But hark, what scent from yonder café breaks??  I think I’ll go downstairs to the Renaissance and fuel up.