Category: Humour

The ultimate challenge

Oh….. my….. Lord.

My brother has thrown down a gauntlet with a challenge of challenges.

He wants me to write a song to replace “The Happy Birthday Song” which is protected by … gulp …. copyright.

Okay, for everybody on this blog who has actually HEARD the Tapioca Song.

Happy Birthday!  Happy Birth…. day!

(Name of person) it’s time for us to celebrate

Happy Birthday!  Happy Birth…day!

Now it is time for you to cut the cake.

That’s the kid version.  But you can also substitute masturbate, find a date (or mate), meet your fate, inebriate, intoxicate, medicate, fly this crate (when it means they can go solo), accelerate (either, as in leave, or drive), hurry up and wait, and I don’t have my rhymin’ dictionary handy but you get the idear.

Mixed fog and sun

We’re certainly getting a lot of February fog. Right now it’s burning off and you can see the blue sky peeping through to the west.

The bruise on my leg from where the muscle snapped is now a tiny little blue smudge. It’s still tender but I am not having any trouble walking.

I have finished the first draft of all of my coworker Valentines! There are 115 of them, including such heartfelt declarations as:

Love is like an hourglass, with the penis filling up as the brain empties. Happy Valentine’s Day to a ‘special’ coworker.

and

O Canada, where a culturally Christian atheist can send a culturally Muslim atheist a card which is in part the celebration of the martyrdom of some whacked out Christian saint. Happy Valentine’s Day anyway to a miraculous coworker.
and

There’s hearts and flowers, gifts and sweets to show my fond regard.

But I’m too cheapass for that stuff, so here’s your V-Day card.

and

Beer is cold, cocoa’s hot,

I’m sending you this

cause I like you a lot.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Drinking Song et cet.

I wrote yet another drinking song, which is really funny, and too scurrilous to post publicly now that I found out my minister’s husband will be cruising by. Or maybe he won’t. I’m definitely going to sing it for ScaryClown, seeing as how I wrote it for him.

Anyway, Al called yesterday to say a number of interesting things, one of which is that the homily I delivered yesterday, which caused me more Thrumps than any other one I’ve ever tried to do and which I didn’t finish until two hours before I was supposed to deliver it, is going on the church website as a podcast. Woo, likewise hoo.

He also said that he found the homily to be very personal and that it seemed like I was talking about my breakup with Paul. My mouth hung open like a cattle gate at that point, and I said, ah, well no, I was trying to be more general, and besides, the bulk of that homily got written a year ago, at which point Al, who is not Mr. Tact, said, “Dr. Filk says you and Paul have been breaking up for 25 years.” Ah yes. When I recovered from my initial astonishment, I burst out laughing. If that’s the way other people see it, how I am to argue the point, ‘specially things being how they are.

I’m working on a migraine, so I’m gonna bail, but, unusually, my migraine was not preceded by a week’s worth of thinking the world’s about to end. Nope, I am feeling pretty good; but not TOO good.

Dang, I wish I could post that song. I know that it’s new and really lovable, at least for me, but….. Oh, foo. I’ll just put it in the list with the other “Turn this song into a flash animation” songs. See you on Youtube, under an assumed name!

20,600 words and counting

Last night was the most fun I’ve had in so long that it’s just bizarre. Somebody I thought had no use for me treated me like a cool older sister all night in a myriad of subtle and unsubtle ways; somebody I know basically by reputation as a good person talked to me with the kind of amusing intelligence that makes my month, let alone my day, and I really liked everything I saw last night. Oh, and I talked to an award winning actress, who was older than me so I DIDN’T have to feel like I was the oldest person there. And that crowd wasn’t ageist ANYWAY; it was just crap I was carrying around with me until I’d been there for about 15 minutes. Continue reading 20,600 words and counting

Mean-spirited, yes, but o so funny

Let’s just say that the OTHER comics were really funny. What I find entertaining most of all is that I made an effort (a small one) to you know, show up on time, write new material, and push my boundaries. Some of the folks I went through David Granirer’s course with have not written any significantly new material in a year. I write new material for every gig; it’s a damned good thing I’m only going out once a year, but it’s hard to claim you do standup if you sit around the house every night whinging about what a coward you are. Continue reading Mean-spirited, yes, but o so funny