Tom in hospital

pale green
pale grey
mushroom beige
one can wake to a drowse, just a tiny bit
of consciousness
and know you’re in hospital

He breathes in six to ten second gouts
and I watch
family & friends    the doc     the nurse    the housekeeper
come and go

Sometimes we sound him
for how he’s doing
& sometimes he replies and squirms like a sleepy toddler

in a bed too small for him
he shrinks
and next to him
just there
on the other side of the window

another place for people to go to die
and get better
and fight death to a draw
is rising
under the watchful eyes of the crows

while his son speaks softly and rubs his back

the time that passes is modelling clay
the time that passes is silent pictures taken of a dying man
as he rests in the arms of his son

Raining hard today

Tom’s memorial service is today. I gave him that hat. Yesterday we gathered at Peggy’s to rehearse and eat Chinese food (I brought home Singapore style noodles) and I got home about 8:30. It’s almost giddy making to be experiencing SOCIAL INTERACTION and then I got home and had a panic attack for about an hour (thought I was having a heart attack until I realized that the pain went away when I was breathing properly).  Talked to Brooke about how to wean off of Inderal, which was super useful.

Jeff C GAVE me his dulcimer capo but I got him back by paying for dinner. It’s so lovely to be able to sing in a group again.

Quiet day

Yesterday dined at IHOP for breakfast. Jeff took the day off and apart from driving me to pick up the prescription we did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Oh yeah, I may have worked on my puzzle.

Suzanne is here today and there’s a rehearsal for the memorial service.

Here’s a quote from one of my fanfics: “There’s two things trees never do; one is judge, and the other is complain.”

It’s International Polyamory Day!

The tune. When I wrote it in 2012 I whined about how I can’t stop writing songs in 3/4 time, but now I understand it’s a very white time signature (percussionists loathe it, so says the filk circle LOL), so it’s okay. Is it not hilarious how out of date this song is already?

Here are the lyrics:

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you, for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

In this life there’s a bias for binary thoughtless
It starts with your left hand and right
Couple Up and De-Couple!
sells novels, moves clickbait with
Tropes that are tragic and trite.
Whatever your naughty bits com-mu-ni-ca-tion
is key to affairs of the heart
so when delineating polyamory
that is the place that I start

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you, for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

You don’t make assumptions or fail to do check-ins
When you’re angry you use your words
You try not to judge, but when something goes ‘squick’
you are quick to say that’s for the birds
You rarely make promises, but you will keep them
on that your friends may be assured
and you’re made out of action, instead of excuses
a life style choice I much prefer

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

But only if you you really want to….

Fraser Foreshore Walk

The tide was highest at noon yesterday and the water in the Fraser River was quite high. Paul said we were expecting rain and it was JUST GORGEOUS – a beautiful golden peach sunset, and quite warm. I took my cane and had no trouble with the usual length of walk.

CBC local news reports that Large Marge the Barge will not be removed until December 6th 2021, the date of the next King tide. Lazy bums eh.

Made lentil soup yesterday. Hoping to make Banana Cake today.

(Yes I did make banana cake.)

Keith had a Battlestar Galactica games night at his house and nobody knew there was a new baby.

Came up with another fanfic idea. About four hundred words on the ‘starlight’ story. Found an absolutely delightful fluffy 70k fanfic I haven’t read before yesterday, it was exactly what I wanted.

sleepy day

I was asleep most of yesterday but I feel fine this morning. Clearheaded and properly slept.

So far this week I’ve gotten kudos every day for the stories I’ve put on AO3. It’s nice to know someone is enjoying them.

Boris Johnson told journalists that he has ‘buyer’s remorse’ from marrying his most recent wife. What a fucking asshole, srsly.

The RCMP is arresting journalists for doing their jobs and not releasing them from jail.

Jeff and I can’t stop thinking about K*le Shitinhouse and Amber Bracken.

AND BC IS ABOUT TO RECEIVE MORE RAIN. North Central Coast and interior. It likely will not be an atmospheric river of the size of the last one (which made the epithet ‘Biblical’ look size small) but it will hamper rescue efforts and kill more livestock and render more people homeless WELCOME TO YOUR 2020s

 

very brief walk, a few loads of laundry

I have roused myself from yesterday’s stupor, which could have been caused by anything between a small stroke and the marthambles (possibly hollow heels, see thrumps) or just plain being flattened by the pandemic and Kyle Rittenhouse BEING ACQUITTED like holy shit, and the RCMP officers whose pensions are tied up in tar sands are beating the shit of out the Wet’suwet’en defenders, and the BC government took days to declare an emergency when the Coquihalla is broken like a Lego set, and we’ve got yet a new Delta variant, and I still haven’t practiced anything for Tom’s service and so I’m kind of overwhelmed. There was a baby in there too, I could swear I remember that part.

Anyway, I’ve had breakfast and made tea and started brown buns and filled the dishwasher and emptied the sink and finished a fanfic and it’s only 7:30

Paul and I went for a short walk yesterday – he rode over here on his bicycle and then DIDN’T SEE my bike (which is clearly visible) in the carport so he scared the shit out of me tell me that it had been stolen. I mean, Paul could have majored in ‘looking right at something without seeing it’ the entire time we was merrit but seriously that was not fun. I told him about his flying canoe (it tried to fly during the wind storm).

Spoke to Mike and Dave yesterday on the phone. They both could be doing better but are getting by.

I bet I just go back to bed now.

 

aphasic episode

I had a lengthy aphasic episode in the Saveon this morning. “Aphasia?” Jeff said helpfully which was actually helpful. I can force a word or two out but it takes all the brain I have to manage it. This was preceded by a lengthy and weird dizzy spell. As long as I was hanging on to a counter I wasn’t dizzy but the second I let go, whoopsy!

As far as I can tell I’m fine now.