Suzanne plus Alex plus Katie

& I spoke with Mike today. The cup is full, the house is much cleaner. I love the world right now and need to sleep.

New Kaos: b.38/g10/bpm20/C_/gyp (music for a video game, a slow heartbeat sound quite ominous) … can you tell Alex was playing with it today and got me all inspired. Absolutely shredded Gelis and Niccolo today, I got sounds a guitar doesn’t readily make.  And I wrote a hundred words today, and washed the rugs, and made Alex lunch, and watched Elementary with Jeff. This is what a successful day looks like.

Weather quite variable today but mostly not windy, and warm.

COVID is still kicking the world’s ass. Monkeypox is established in at least twenty countries with a thousand known cases and an obscured iceberg of infections not currently recorded or understood; plus the presentation is different than the textbooks which is really not helping.

I grieve with Ukraine, what an unholy mess.

Didn’t he die?

Trust me to sing something cheerful about my grandad dying. Katie sings this every once in a while, at least I’ve heard her once. I don’t see why I can’t sing something cheerful about a dead relative; thinking about Denny, who left us on this day in 1995, always cheers me up, because he himself was a cheerful individual, and he’s a part of a lot of people I love.

The lyrics should be pretty self-explanatory. Didn’t he sounds like didden tee in a lot of Canadian dialects.

It’s International Polyamory Day!

The tune. When I wrote it in 2012 I whined about how I can’t stop writing songs in 3/4 time, but now I understand it’s a very white time signature (percussionists loathe it, so says the filk circle LOL), so it’s okay. Is it not hilarious how out of date this song is already?

Here are the lyrics:

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you, for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

In this life there’s a bias for binary thoughtless
It starts with your left hand and right
Couple Up and De-Couple!
sells novels, moves clickbait with
Tropes that are tragic and trite.
Whatever your naughty bits com-mu-ni-ca-tion
is key to affairs of the heart
so when delineating polyamory
that is the place that I start

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you, for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

You don’t make assumptions or fail to do check-ins
When you’re angry you use your words
You try not to judge, but when something goes ‘squick’
you are quick to say that’s for the birds
You rarely make promises, but you will keep them
on that your friends may be assured
and you’re made out of action, instead of excuses
a life style choice I much prefer

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

But only if you you really want to….

Two free birthday songs

Jeff asked me to write a copyright free b-day song, so have TWO. One’s the chorus of the Tapioca song (which see) and the other was purpose built.

PS happy birthday to me. My apologies if I’m not actually alive, and gosh I guess I died young.

(I posted this in March and it finally went ‘live’ today, as did I when I awoke at 2 am.)

ow

Poor Keith has had his first migraine. His migraines are pure pain that drugs don’t touch and light sensitivity – the classic. Not like me and my personality changes and auditory hallucinations!!!

Katie is very tired of being pregnant, but very much enjoying only having one child… so that’s fun.

Paul is about the same as always, but he’s seeing a therapist, which is great, because couples therapy was always super gross.

I still feel massively stuck and unreplenished, which is stupid, because I had a very good time last night in a painful way (we were talking about therapy, anger, parental and childhood experiences, and it got…. well how do you think discussions like this go? except we all stayed civil.) I cried of course but it wasn’t in response to anything the kids said, I just burst into tears describing the worst moment of my childhood. And I kept trying to stifle the tears and finally I grunted I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M STILL MAD ABOUT THIS.

Since mOm and pOp will be reading this with horror, it’s about the move to London, which (for an autie kid with trouble making friends meant that the entire cohort of public school kids I was supposed to go to high school with VANISHED and I walked alone at the age of 11 into a 2000 student high school although I never was schooled in a portable thank the living Christ) seriously messed me up for years. I am over it, but we were talking about childhood, and with Tom being so recently passed away I’m four seconds from tears at the best of times. I mean, normally I look at it from the parents’ perspective “EH wot can you DO ?” but this time I reexperienced it from my childish perspective and WHOOPPPPSy

Alex was playing in his room the whole time.

Jeff is SO GLAD he didn’t go for supper, although let me tell you brO Keith put on a helluva feast and there was PIE not PUMPKIN afterward.

Then I came home and practised for a while and started hacking around on a song.

Didn’t mean well
when I said those things
I’ve got a talent
for making sure it stings
It’s no cause for pride
I say sorry a lot
sometimes it seems
Spite is all that I’ve got

 

Feed the bears

Early each day to her Whistler back yard
The little old bear woman comes
In her own special way to the people
She calls, “Come, feed the bears, all you bums!”

“Come feed the local bears, show them you care
And you’ll be glad if you do
Their young ones are hungry, their dens are so spare
All it takes is two grand from you.”

“Feed the bears, two grand a pop
Two grand, two grand, two grand a pop!
Feed the bears!”, that’s what she cries
While drones from BCCOS fill the skies.

 

 

Based on the news item which stated that Zuzana spent a bomb on feeding bears human food in Whistler and got fined 60K. Her male co-conspirator skated.

 

As I was compos(t)ing this parody, some witless asshole drove up and down Kingsway on a motorcycle wound up to about 9K. This town needs an enema.

Half an hour after that (it’s one in the MORning people) a chopper buzzed the house.

 

stone sighting

There is a dive bar in Charlotte
North Carolina
and to that bar a man went to drink
and the photo of him that hit
next morning on the internet
made the owner yell
and the patrons cuss
it was fun for the rest of us
Cause that man was Mick Jagger (aetat 78)
and he drank a beer and left.

The owner a man whose name is
(of course) Brian Wilson
was putting his five year old
daughter to bed
Now I may be a hapless simp
for men who do their duty
by their children when they’re missing
a chance to meet Mick Jagger
….But I have to say he
comes off pretty good.

I once drank a brand of beer
called Thirsty Beaver
which is also the name
of the dive bar of this song
and everything about this story
makes me happy
It’s unlikely that I’ll ever go
to Charlotte but you never know
and after I will say like Mick
I drank a beer and left

Based on a photo Mick posted on his twitter which since I’m not on twitter any more I can’t see to verify and this.

solstice sound poem with Alex

This is not a song. I am only peripherally in it – at one point you can hear my phlegmy cough, sorry about that lol. This is so my mOm can hear her grandson’s voice babbling and laughing any time she wants. It’s two and a half minutes of sonic mayhem. it was the winter solstice….

 

Thorfinn’s Song – Dunnett filk from King Hereafter

CW SPOILERS FOR KING HEREAFTER

This is also called ‘The Standard of a Crow’ but GOSH it really should be a raven. The novel this comes from is King Hereafter, and it’s her take on Macbeth. It is a f)cking amazing novel; Viking and Christian life is shown in detail, and there are so many amazing battle sequences… it’s a lively book, with a love story at its heart and a really interesting and quiet depiction of the friendship between men as one of its many pleasures.

You don’t want to have find rhymes for raven. that’s why it’s a crow. AND FILK.

Please note that the previously published lyrics for this have been superseded by the lyrics shown below. OBVIOUSLY THESE ARE SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK

The MP3 file is for the first two verses and choruses.

When you’re deep down in it       (Note: battle rage)
As deep as you know how to go
There’s no end, once you begin it
Your foster father taught you so
It’s a dream, it’s a trap
For no matter how far down you go
You must rise up for the next battle
And stand under the standard of a crow

Pull the axe from my battered hands (forty miles a day, o!)
There was a lot of blood, not all of it mine (ridin’ in the rain, o!)
I am good at killing men (make a joke, run him through, o!)
If you would follow me, now you must ride (ride, ride, ride)

It isn’t wise to ask them  (note: seers and fortune tellers)
Folks seeking comfort are rarely wise
The seer said I’d take half the battle
And mocked me for the doubt in my eyes
It’s a dream, my heart rattled
I saw her eyes, like oxblood on snow
Hers the first face that I am seeking
Standing on my stirrups, underneath the standard of a crow

Pull the axe from my battered hands (forty miles a day, o!)
There was a lot of blood, not all of it mine (ridin’ in the rain, o!)
I am good at killing men (make a joke, run him through, o!)
If you would follow me, now you must ride (ride, ride, ride)

She has an errand, seaward (note, he asks her to say goodbye to the sea for him, because he was a frickin’ Viking after all)
I die on land an aged fool
She’ll make my goodbye for me
make herself a young king’s school
It’s a dream, it’s a trap
Knowing that life goes on, just so
But she made it through one last battle
Still stands under the standard of the crow

Still stands under the standard of the crow

Destiel filk – Spread ’em up to Heaven

So Supernatural is a show that ran 15 LONG years, interrupted by the writers’ strike and the pandemic, and it introduced Destiel, the fan pairing of the characters of supernatural creature hunter Dean Winchester and the Seraph (always referred to as an angel) Castiel, played by Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins.

The chemistry was instant and obvious to most fans. The writers encouraged it over 11 seasons. There’s no reason to believe that a sexual relationship between the two was ever really contemplated, but a platonic relationship as committed and lasting as a marriage was MORE than hinted at, and I would have been happy with that, and in the end, the fans got fucking burned in a pile of queerbaiting exec notes. We got a love confession out of Castiel WHO PROMPTLY WENT TO THE BLACK EMPTINESS OF OBLIVION and nothing out of Dean, and I was so angry I didn’t watch the last episode, because I knew I’d be disappointed, and when I heard the shrieking of the fans, I knew I’d saved myself a lot of grief.

I believe, and it will never be proved, that they shitcanned anything the slightest bit gay out of Dean because the CW was rolling out a hypermasculinist cop show for Jared Padalecki and the execs didn’t want to piss off potential viewers. That show, a reboot of the ‘Walker’ franchise, has been renewed for a second season but it’s on shaky ground – a lot of the SPN fans I follow have no interest in it and its numbers aren’t great. It seems a shitty deal to me, but as long as ‘the right people’ are making money I guess I have nothing to add.

I’ve written about 400K  fanfic words in about 30 stories

and ten more in the hopper waiting to be finished/polished

some of the published stuff I’ve since deleted

for that particular pairing, and so

of course

could a song be far off? I wrote it before the last episode was in the can, and I’m sorry, because the execs fucked this one up hard. The fans didn’t get our HEA (Happy ever after)although the writers did their best.

I have many strong opinions, but since I mouth off about it almost daily, I put them on twitter, not here. Strongest opinion: leave the actors, their wives, friends, children and agents alone. I don’t want them to see my fanfic because that shit’s weird and scary for the actors; it’s not for them, it’s for me and about a thousand other fans, nobody else. Second: Jensen Ackles is a better actor than both Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins. Put together. Third: Dean was bisexual before Castiel showed up. I will fucking fight you over that, the textual and video evidence is compelling.

If you want to know my moniker on AO3 DM me. The genre is AU (alternate universe; same characters in different occupations, ages, etc) fluff, gay smut, domestic banter and the one time I actually did a supernatural destiel fanfic (I have since pulled it down, it got such terrible numbers, despite being fantastic, I got pissed and said yoink) it had little girl hunters who try to stab the King of Hell and magical fucking talking cats in it WHO ENDED UP EATING CROWLEY’S HELL HOUND so yeah, I try to stick to fluff, banter, communication, pining and smut, with HEA…. since that’s less realistic than magical cats. Also most of the time I don’t use OC (Original Characters…. you know, Mary Sue), I just repurpose the same 15 characters from the show over and over again in different ways.

Spread em up to Heaven

(Castiel is singing)

Angels in their true form are big and stern and feathered
to gaze upon one in this form makes humans come untethered
and gender’s not an issue (much) for Heaven’s fighting squad
Taking orders, smiting demons, ever faithful to my God who……
(brief pause to be very confused)
Then gave me Dean Winchester to reconstruct from Hell
God Spake: Start with his mouth! you’ll get to know it well!
And please don’t ever worry about anything I’m plannin’
Gay love saves the day you know, It’s ABSOLUTELY CANON

Heaven, Heaven, spread em up to Heaven
I’m going to spread my great big wings for you
Heaven, Heaven, spread em up to Heaven
I’m going to spread my wings for you
I bet you’ll like most everything they do

Interspecies romances are always such a trial
I don’t know just what to feel and Dean’s good with denial
And yes I worry constantly about what Chuck (note, aka ‘God’) may plan
And so should all of you till the very last episode’s in the can!

Heaven, Heaven, spread em up to Heaven
I’m going to spread my great big wings for you
Heaven, Heaven, spread em up to Heaven
I’m going to spread my wings for you
I bet you’ll like most everything they do

 

 

Dr. Who?

Lyrics available upon request… but why

The song ends in the same key as the Dr. Who Theme so at the end you’re supposed to vamp the theme to a fadeout. It’s actually quite effective but I’m not taking on the fucking Beeb with IP issues. LOL. No, I’ll just mock them and their works, haw haw.

I don’t repudiate the song, but I should. It wormed its way into a Conflikt songbook before I realized that the entire song is antithetical to filk fandom in a number of strong and structural ways. It is a problematic song. It is a difficult song. It is a very self-centred and elitist song.

“50 years just makes it old, it doesn’t make it fine.”

Of course that’s all you need to say to get Dr. Who fans (who are…. engaged) to start beating on you verbally. Next time somebody does I’m going to compare their vigour in defending it to colonialism and then the fur can really fly.