The Happily Married Song

They say that it’s a sin to boast/well God can strike me dead/’Cause even when my day is toast/I got you in my bed/For skin and conversation/and comfort most serene/for dirty jokes and body work and everything between.

The years how they are passing/passing by the score/But I could never love you less and long to love you more/Champion, companion, conspirator and friend/As we were in the beginning, so we’ll be at the end.

This is a song of celebration to sing at weddings or as part of a Valentines or anniversary celebration.

well… what to say about this. Well, I wrote it for Tom and Peggy for a wedding anniversary of theirs back in the oughts and I’ve sung it at every wedding I’ve attended since I wrote it (three, I’ve been to three) with varying results. The response I got at the last two made it all worthwhile, because even though I wrote it for a cishet couple, it was very definitely and specifically written so that it will work for gay and non-binary couples, including couples who get dragon wings for wedding presents, although I don’t imagine asexuals will want to do anything but rewrite the lyrics at the first opportunity, although I do not specifically call out sex, just everything g-rated that happens with couples in bed. Good things this sucker’s not copyrighted honh? Mess with the lyrics all you like.

Also, I really can’t imagine mOm and pOp not understanding that this is pretty much always for them too. SNERRRRKKK must go off in corner and gently squonkface. Missed Maudlin Monday by that much.

Song a Day – One of these days

Yes, another very short one. I wrote this back in the 1980’s when it was good advice. YOU KNOW WHAT? It’s terrible, simply terrible advice now. School is 10 to 20 times more expensive than it was when I was a kid and without intergenerational wealth it’s hard to get through a professional degree.

One of these days/You will see through the haze/ and then you will roll in clover/Until that time, you stay in school/Until the recession is over.

Song a Day – Tickle Song

I wrote this song with the help of the kids back around 1990. I had read an Ann Landers advice column as a child in which she came out firmly against tickling children without their permission, and I’d noticed that kids love to be tickled but they can be overstimulated. This song allows children to have a metered amount of tickling and then recaptures consent at the end of every verse, or the tickling STOPS. Grownups can obey boundaries! BODILY AUTONOMY.

Also, I played this song at the kids concert at the Polyamory Camping trip Katie and I went to in 2012. Someone with a degree in early childhood education said she thought it was the best song that was played that night because most adults simply never think about children outside their own convenience and management requirements. And yes, the adult entertainment came out afterward, and the kids went to sleep.

 

If I tickle tickle tickle
you will wiggle wiggle wiggle
and you’ll jiggle jiggle jiggle
and you’ll giggle giggle giggle
and then sometime sometime sometime
you will yell yell yell
PLEASE STOP

and I’ll stop, and you’ll say GO (or PLEASE GO)

If I tickle tickle tickle
you will wiggle wiggle wiggle
and you’ll jiggle jiggle jiggle
and you’ll giggle giggle giggle
and then sometime sometime sometime
you will yell yell yell
PLEASE STOP

and I’ll stop, and you’ll say STOP (or PLEASE STOP, or NO MORE)

Song a Day

This is the song you sing when the police are about to raid. It is not very cheerful about police. FULL DISCLOSURE I have never been injured by police, but I can name a lot of people who have been.

Lyrics:

I’m going to have to ask the smart people to leave / why should they stay here for this crap? / I’m going to sing some stuff like you would not believe / You’ve been warned, it’s a trap! / Why would you want to listen to anything silly / like me attempting to sing about an armadillo’s will he? won’t he? / I’m going to have to ask the smart people to leave / and when you’re gone we’ll all have fun

We’ll have some more when we are done / the drugs alone weigh half a ton / so if the cops come BETTER

run like hell, run like hell / cops are coming, run like hell

Broke my nose, ripped my clothes / cops are coming, run like hell

Cheap cologne / *BROKE MY PH-O-O-ONE* / cops are coming, run like hell

I’m going to have to ask the smart people to leave / and when you’re gone we’ll all have fun….

 

song of the day HERE THEY COME

This is my zombie song, written on the way home from Conflikt 2011 in the car. Anthony said this was a banger in any genre which I most appreciated, especially since it isn’t true. But yes, this drifts into an approach of commercial viability. This song was inspired by Jeff playing Left 4 Dead for weeks at a time. ‘Reloading….reloading…reloading…’

I was going to post this later in the year but I was thinking about the people defending the Capitol calling the approaching mob zombies so… yeah.

Hold Fast – instrumental

I wrote this while the mob occupied the Capitol building on the 6th and recorded it the next day so forgive the jammin’ roughies. Also the diminuendo is me, not a volume knob, so I’m quite taken with that.

Hold fast to the open society, we may not climb out of the next fascist hole as easily as we did with the fucking Nazis.

Look what kids we’re raising in Alberta.

The clown we’re going to run out of town

All I can see is a smokin’ hole
an’ I can only see that
cause all the shit you stole
You’re gonna have to move out and take the sign down
Too bad that all of your friends get paid to stick around

You’re the clown
we’re gonna run out of town x2

Shoulda listened to Sarah* in 2016
she was right on the money
and her instincts were keen
Think of the world of hurt you could have saved
the way you came to power
was obscene and depraved

You’re the clown
we’re gonna run out of town x2

written December 2020, more verses probably coming, hoping I recorded this on January 4th lol.

*Sarah Kendzior, who predicted 85% of what 45 would do in office years before he did it, and is still among the top ten political commentators in English in the US (please subscribe to Gaslit Nation if you can or donate to her Patreon.) AND SHE’S SO YOUNG! she’s only 42, with a young family…. and yes, I’m combining song of the day with Follow Friday.