waited and waited

Waited an hour and 45 minutes for the doctor appointment, hung up after that. I have another appointment today, I have to wonder if she’ll make that one. I am supposed to physically go in to the clinic on Monday, presumably to get yelled at about my blood sugar; I don’t actually know what she wants with me, since I’m seeing the nurse instead of the doc.

After three atmospheric rivers in two weeks, it’s a possibility that snow will be happening this weekend. I should move the walkway salt back into the house.

Running the dishwasher right now; lentil soup and tea for breakfast.

As soon as SaveOn’s open Jeff and I are heading out for a shopping expotition, and I’m also planning to drop off the books I took out from NWPL.

I tried reading them, I really did, but I simply don’t have the brain right now. (I read single chapters out of all of them but have no concentration.) I still feel residually sad and angry about Tom; so much about it was unfair and horrible for all concerned, but there’s no point talking about it in this kind of venue.

Paul took me for a short walk in the schoolyard yesterday. I was ready to go for a longer walk but the traffic was insane so we stayed in the neighbourhood.

lazy rainy day

Fed the crows! they are big birds, up so close.

Did another load of laundry, ran the dishwasher, emptied the dishwasher, tidied the kitchen.

Now I’m curled up in bed working on fanfic while Jeff tries to figure out what to do about the busted flange on the downstairs toilet, up to and including calling the landlord if it’s outside his paygrade.

 

No order

Finally washed and put away the rags for Suzanne to use. I’ve done three other loads but I only put away the rags and the towels.

I feel entirely deflated after pumping up full of energy to be of service at the memorial, but I must admit it was wonderful to see so many people from Beacon, and even more wonderful to merely be around Jeri Lynn and Jeffrey and Cindy and Peggy. Peggy has made her home a second home to all of us and we are so grateful. She says she thinks her sons were content with how the service went, and of course we can watch it again if we need to.

Baby Ryker has now spent some time twice with his father Mike. Apparently Mike’s mom is doing all the work and so this is me staring, expressionless, at the camera, in case you’re wondering. Ryker is being supplemented with formula anyway and a fed baby is best baby so I won’t hear a damned word about him getting formula. Gatekeeping motherhood in the 21st century is a 20th century thing to do.

Katie in the meantime keeps leaving the house – Jeff and I caught her yesterday taking Alex to the IHOP in New West (Alex told us to our faces that he didn’t want to sit with us and why the hell not, the rest of the time his mother has a baby hanging off her) – while her midwife chides. I was exactly the same way, so I understand.

Cindy wants to perform for Festival of the Living Rooms so that means a) getting together (yay) and rehearsing (double yay). I know I’m the kind of person who’s fucking impossible to get along with creatively but Cindy has a skill set which is just too intriguing and she has that mix of humour, practicality and work ethic which makes her SO WONDERFUL to work with that I, even I, cannot resist. Anyway I’m hoping to get her to revive some of her SG:Atlantis tunes because I’ve been thinking of multiple harmony lines, and of course there are about two dozen songs that we can already fire up hard and fast because we’ve sung them together so much over the years.

I am still working on fanfic. I know I should be doing at least a little more housework today since the kitchen’s an insurrection but I have no care for any of this.

Peggy ate all the salad I made her.

I have to go into town (by which if I don’t specify I mean the Royal city mall in New West) and return library books and go to the bank and run a couple of other errands. I’m up and dressed, I can do this thing!!!

Just retested my vocal range. Today my lowest note is G2 and my highest is D5 so I’m either getting a cold or my testosterone levels are higher.

 

Tom in hospital

pale green
pale grey
mushroom beige
one can wake to a drowse, just a tiny bit
of consciousness
and know you’re in hospital

He breathes in six to ten second gouts
and I watch
family & friends    the doc     the nurse    the housekeeper
come and go

Sometimes we sound him
for how he’s doing
& sometimes he replies and squirms like a sleepy toddler

in a bed too small for him
he shrinks
and next to him
just there
on the other side of the window

another place for people to go to die
and get better
and fight death to a draw
is rising
under the watchful eyes of the crows

while his son speaks softly and rubs his back

the time that passes is modelling clay
the time that passes is silent pictures taken of a dying man
as he rests in the arms of his son

Raining hard today

Tom’s memorial service is today. I gave him that hat. Yesterday we gathered at Peggy’s to rehearse and eat Chinese food (I brought home Singapore style noodles) and I got home about 8:30. It’s almost giddy making to be experiencing SOCIAL INTERACTION and then I got home and had a panic attack for about an hour (thought I was having a heart attack until I realized that the pain went away when I was breathing properly).  Talked to Brooke about how to wean off of Inderal, which was super useful.

Jeff C GAVE me his dulcimer capo but I got him back by paying for dinner. It’s so lovely to be able to sing in a group again.

Quiet day

Yesterday dined at IHOP for breakfast. Jeff took the day off and apart from driving me to pick up the prescription we did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Oh yeah, I may have worked on my puzzle.

Suzanne is here today and there’s a rehearsal for the memorial service.

Here’s a quote from one of my fanfics: “There’s two things trees never do; one is judge, and the other is complain.”

It’s International Polyamory Day!

The tune. When I wrote it in 2012 I whined about how I can’t stop writing songs in 3/4 time, but now I understand it’s a very white time signature (percussionists loathe it, so says the filk circle LOL), so it’s okay. Is it not hilarious how out of date this song is already?

Here are the lyrics:

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you, for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

In this life there’s a bias for binary thoughtless
It starts with your left hand and right
Couple Up and De-Couple!
sells novels, moves clickbait with
Tropes that are tragic and trite.
Whatever your naughty bits com-mu-ni-ca-tion
is key to affairs of the heart
so when delineating polyamory
that is the place that I start

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you, for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

You don’t make assumptions or fail to do check-ins
When you’re angry you use your words
You try not to judge, but when something goes ‘squick’
you are quick to say that’s for the birds
You rarely make promises, but you will keep them
on that your friends may be assured
and you’re made out of action, instead of excuses
a life style choice I much prefer

Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I won’t force you into a pair
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
Your talent’s exceedingly rare
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
I tell you for I truly care
Be mine, be mine, and be somebody else’s
A skillset like yours should be shared

But only if you you really want to….