Settler words&music in S'ólh Téméxw, (leanpub.com/upsun) living where privilege meets precarity in MST country. she/her/they———– Novels: Midnite Moving Co., Upsun; Sweep Off Those Waves coming soon, Hair Sinister after that. —Restore All Indigenous Lands!
Honest to Christ I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Just called Keith to tell him to call Paul about his doc appt today since he may have double booked himself.
Weather and air quality pretty much same as yesterday.
1100 words today, thank goodness, now I can stop and do something useful for the household.
My parents were not perfect. They never represented themselves as such. They were not mind readers. They never represented themselves as such. They loved each other, and they loved my brother and me, and I felt safe and cared for while I lived at home.
And now, across the Salish Sea, they still care for me. They help me pay my bills and enjoy the life I live so that it can be equitable with my roommate/brO. They continue to think about me and consider my feelings and ask for my opinion and snicker at my jokes and frown helplessly at my continuing weird takes on our family history.
But what motivates my writing sometimes is knowing that I was Loved, and so many are not. So many people have black holes of mental illness and assault convictions and alcoholism swirling around their parents. They have poverty and intergenerational abuse and racism and food insecurity as constant companions. When I write about these things, it’s because my parents gave me a life in which I could mentally afford to think about others, and to see my privilege as a member of a contented family as exactly that, not a sign that god loves me better.
It will be hard, going through what now seems like so much junk that was once a family heirloom, or whatever. Katie’s taking some time off too to pack, Dax has gone into the interior with his uncle.
2500 words off to my readers this morning. 1100 words so far today on TB, I doubt there will be more given how exhausted I’ll be when I get home, and I left it at a very nice break point.
I just called Jordan Peterson a custard hearted bigot on twitter. Betcha I get banned. I LOVE IT.
Paul, Ruth, John, Keith and I dined yesterday. It was a very pleasant and convivial meal and just as I was faltering in my eating I realized I was about to basically put my head down and start snoozing so I slithered off home in a taxi. Which reminds me, I have a sammy to reheat.
The Echo is serving them well, they say, and their Yukon vacation was stellar.
1581 words on TB yesterday, so that’s respectable. Coming up on the Ottawa trip in the story.
I’m really concerned about storm Hilary, but oh well. We’ll get our day in the climate sun again here in MST country soon enough I imagine.
Mammogram results clear. Under a week to get results, awesome.
Quite pleased with the reader reaction to ‘Guy d’Angelique’ on AO3 and even more pleased that I’m adult enough to stop obsessively checking. ABSOLUTELY NO COMMENTS tho sigh.
Tonight we dine at Qwhite Spot with the fam. John and Ruth; Paul, Alex, Katie, possibly Dax, me and Jeff and the instigator is Keith (WHO VOLUNTEERED TO DRIVE JOHN AND RUTH TO THE AIRPORT and then bring the Echo back how do I deserve such a kindly child). He’s in an incredibly good mood these days, surrounded by Ben’s HORDE of friends who are all…. Keith’s age and a lot of them are neurodivergent bronies so…. He’s also thinking of making a run for the grandparents and sadly I have something happening on the 25th so I probably won’t be joining him.
Jeff and I have DELIBERATELY not posted anything about how godawful the ferry part of the trip to Bowen Island was so believe me when I say that the signage and guidance SUCKS GREYHOUND BUS STATION MEN’S ROOM MOPS.
West Kelowna fire may destroy the recently built 75 million dollar water treatment plant, the single biggest ticket item ever in Kelowna. The city’s been fighting with BC Hydro over how teetery the power infrastructure is, coming into town, for years now and the upshot is that if the fire comes through it may literally be months before the power’s restored and that means that chunks of Kelowna may end up like Lytton. Abandoned. No water, no power, no businesses, no jobs, no homes.
Michael Sheen talking about what a joy David Tennant is to work with is giving me life today. Their families had babies at the same time and their youngests are besties see my heart eyes, I’ve got heart eyes. Now to channel heart eyes into TB.
Yay, there will be more Miss Scarlet and the Duke!
LOL I lied, 91 hits 12 kudos.
Very hot yesterday, but it’s supposed to not go over 30 for the rest of the week.
Very apprehensive about Ryker care. I do be like that tho. It will be fine, same as last time.
I’m reading about 50 year olds becoming unhoused and asking where they sign up for free housing. As far as I can tell an entire cohort of Canadians paid no more attention to politics than was required to sort of take in the promises and denunciations at election time. When it comes to the instantiations of politics, they’re living in a spun sugar world which is abrumptly getting the ol’ firehose of climate driven events. But I thought welfare bums get errything for free they will cry. What chumps oh well.
However, I’m going to stay cheerful as long as we’re all together on this side and the ac works.
Oh Jaysus I just thought of the title of the next one in the series thank you Dave. Also you said it could all be converted quite nicely to a screenplay and you’re right. That means I have to go back into the completed project and chop it into 13 minute segments with stingers teasers and very high stakes. So to write that new title down I slipped away from writing this, wrote 244 words on the Guy d’Angelique fanfic and forgot to write the new title down. Leaving briefly to fix that, okay I wrote it down but I’m now up to a thousand words on the fanfic. Honestly I’m just going to drag the characters to a hotel room and get them sweaty, I haven’t got all day for conversation!! I have to get back to TB and get the next instalment out to my emotional support editors.
Heavy sigh. It’s a good thing I’ve got Scrivener to keep all this shit straight. Scrivener is what took me from being a writer to being someone who can complete long form multiarc fiction. It is THE BOMB. It is simple to use on the daily with a depth of features that’s abyssal.
Ha ha I EYEBALLED IT Jensen Ackles IS the same size, almost exactly, as Errol Flynn. Same height, weight and shoe size. This is important to the fanfic. This is the level of research I do. I don’t want you to be impressed, I just think it’s hilarious that I PULLED AN ARCHETYPAL HERO ACTOR out of the pile and went yup he’s the same size and shape as Jensen Ackles and THEN I DID THE RESEARCH. Because I wouldn’t want to put it in the fucking fanfic if it wasn’t true. Because facts make light and light makes atmosphere, & suppositions make assholes like me make easily avoided mistakes.
Damn the coffee was good this morning. Must …. have …. more. So I did and now I just deleted the toilet joke I was about to make, so I’ll tell Jeff instead.
Do I sound giddy? I’m in writing mode.
I just found a cartoon that completely describes Brad and Omar and I was going to send it to mOm but here it is. From Foxes in Love on Tumblr
Keith got his bed-desk from IKEA – we didn’t have to drive to the Richmond store, but they wouldn’t deliver to Richmond from the Coquitlam store. He fed me meatballs and salad there, which was kind. My only purchase was a rainbow IKEA bag because they’re great for laundry.
He borrowed half of the money for it on family terms (no interest, a time limit for repayment) and I gifted him the other half.
I bought an immense skein of embroidery threads and cannot find the sumbitch now, so I’m quite annoyed because I have an immediate project in mind.
(about two minutes later…. YARGSNARGLE WOOOO) FOUND IT exactly WHERE I LEFT IT which was SOMEPLACE I’D ALREADY LOOKED and it’s a good thing I labelled the box, eh?
THEN I COULD NOT FIND EMBROIDERY NEEDLES found them. THEN I COULD NOT FIND A NEEDLE THREADER. found it. BROKE THE NEEDLE THREADER. threw everything aside in disgust
I read a comment on the r/Guyana subreddit that justifies almost everything I’ve written about my Guyanese characters. I sent the comment to mOm this morning because it cheered me up no end. and I needed it given the embroidery sitch
If you want to read the 75K I’ve written so far in Totally Boned, let me know what font and type size you want it in and I’ll send it as a PDF. You can either beta read it (supply comments) or just read it, I don’t care. CONTENT WARNING. please be advised that while these appear in the novel they aren’t the point of the novel and in all cases personal autonomy is upheld as a non-negotiable value – Non-traditional homoromantic couple – child endangerment and child neglect – queer characters – absolutely unbearably bad family dynamics – sexual assault (in the past, never graphically described) – autistic and mentally ill characters – intersex character – sex-repulsed asexual character – gun violence, described – gun violence, not described – uncomfortable conversations about race and presentation – graphic vomiting and discussions of bodily functions – YOU KNOW, BASICALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF MY HAPPY UPBRINGING – and about as much angst and humour as I can stuff into a story without it ripping ’round the seams.
Full disclosure – it’s at least 30K from the end; there’s a ‘happy for now’ ending in view but I ain’t wrote it yet. But it’s been fun so far!!! I’ve cried buckets over this one, so yes I am somewhat attached, snicker.
Keith needs to buy some furniture to fit in his new room. We’ll go off to see that midmorning. He’s also setting up ‘the last family meal at the Manor’ for Sunday so I’m hoping Jeff will come.
Weather continues okay, pollen except mold is low.
Laundry done, now I need to put it away. har har
Ukraine has lost a lot of warriors in the offensive. Things are gonna snap.
Tanked all my Lumosity games this morning. I don’t mean to dip but using a trackpad instead of a mouse is kinda bogus and I should stop doing it.
Made more iced tea.
Had my leftover pad thai for breakfast. DAMN it was good. Jeff enjoyed his Mongolian stirfry so we’re putting that restaurant in the rotation. The soup (sort of like Tom Ka Kai but called Coconut soup) was so good I could feel my soul leave my body and then come whooshing back in with a big ass THANK YOU. I asked for Mild-Medium spicing and they NAILED IT so well.
Reviewing my to do list. Amazing how many items I’ve already crossed off.
360 words over today and yesterday.
Just found out that the only Guyanese person I follow on twitter… his dad was a chauffeur. And so is Blossom, so I’m thinking that is one strange echo.
this gem comes from Blind Lemming Chiffon
A definition of religion that no one will like: a collection of preconceptions, often rooted in folklore, that some people use as brain-spackle to fill in gaps in their knowledge.
This is cute:
It was wonderful to have Alex. I am exhausted and we didn’t even really DO anything but I slept super crappy as he jumped around all night.
Now to launder and what not.
I’m finished Good Omens S2. I’ve seen cliffhangers before but this one is quite devastating and I’m going to be a while settling with it.
Wrote 635 words yesterday, again, mostly infill on part II – removing adjectives and adding/expanding description where it is helpful, correcting some timeline stuff, the usual.
Brief walk with Jeff yesterday morning, then a few limp attempts to write. Paul called and wanted to come and visit Buster “to beat him up”. The new medication is perking Paul up considerably and we had a simply lovely visit and I dealt with his toenails (poor man had a blood bruise on one toe and three others were recently smashed, so I guess him getting up to pee is actively hazardous) and washed his feet. We ate strawberry ice cream and drank iced tea and talked about Ruth and John’s upcoming visit and them borrowing the Echo.
When I came home I had 30$ of treats on me. LOL
Then I someone got a whole bunch of writing done and sent some to mOm.
And I talked to Mike on the phone. He’s maintaining – he was pulling his kayak out of Deer Lake to clean off the goo when I called him – but has zero interest in social gatherings. He mentioned that he has a spare camera if Keith wants to get into photography.
And I talked to mOm and pOp on the phone. The weather was fine and the pollen count low, which doesn’t mean much ’cause Jeff and I are sneezing like the dickens. Now to tornado the kitchen and get some cloathes in the wash.
There’s an ACORN demo tonight, I plan to go since it’s one bus ride away. Maybe I’ll coordinate with Keith if he’s going.
What we’re watching:
Twisted Metal: Answering the question, can you take a 20 year old legendary computer game and turn it into a TV show, with a resounding, unequivocal and extremely loud yes.
Rewatch of Justified, we’re early season II. Raylan you are a horndog. Winona you are a fucking idiot. And Dickie Bennett is the most cowardly stupid man who ever lived, until the next villain rolls up.
Coming up on the end of Medium. I cannot say enough good things about this show. It is so dazzlingly inventive with the tropes, formulae and story logic of modern television and so consistently well written (one bad show so far out of HOW MANY? IT RAN SEVEN SEASONS) that it is impossible to overstate how great it is. The child actors are so good they’re terrifying. They’re actors, not window dressing, professionals to the bone. Jake Weber as Joe is the superlative dad of all of modern TV in my view. There may be better ones, but I ain’t seen him yet. His representation of a world view of rationality (his job, most of daily life) and radical acceptance (all three of his daughters and his wife experience psychic phenomena) is a great accomplishment and he just surfs in the liminal waves of excellence for the entire show.
We’re into S4 of Law and Order. Christ, that’s a dark show. But I LOVE LENNY.
And life proceeds. I get Alex this weekend for a night. Happy sigh.
I got a new credit card (replacing old one) and it actually WORKS. I am so happy.
I need to check that I’m going to get my pension money starting in November but I’ve already done enough paperwork for today so this is a tomorrow problem. And of course I can at that point give M&P their ‘glad newis’ that they can reduce their stipend to me and start applying it to the kids instead!
My blood pressure and Paul’s blood pressure were PERFECT and within one point of each other yesterday. That was hilarious since it never happens, but it def. sounds like Paul’s finally got his BP under control.
First, some housekeeping for the site:
On Wednesday, August 2nd, our server admins will begin restarting some VPS servers as part of a maintenance to improve stability of your VPS service. This will cause minor disruptions to your site, which is expected to last for about 10-15 minutes on average.
The maintenance process is scheduled to begin at 7:30AM PST and is expected to last for approximately 8 hours.
Weather continues fine and not too hot. Osoyoos is under less pressure.
Feasted brO with chicken and ribs from Earls, got him croissants from Cobs, and encouraged Suzanne to bring him an Aero bar (she brought him a pack, reserving one for herself!) and then Suzanne came over to collect a garment and a ring she’d forgotten, and we had iced tea on the deck and a good old chinwag for her to decompress after caring for Ryker all day (he was an ambulatory demon who fights diaper changes with all of his considerable strength.)
Spare a thought for baby Ryker who has: lost a two day a week caregiver, has to move to four new locations because his dad’s moved out from his caregiver – his mom, with whom he is now apparently at daggers drawn. Suzanne will still be looking after him but she’s got scant days to get her apartment fit for a toddler and he’ll be moving into a one bedroom apartment after having a four bedroom to literally run around in.
Walked with Paul in Foreshore Park. His Parkinson’s symptoms are bad; one of the possible triggers is TCE (trichloroethylene) and of course over the course of his career fixing things he’s been exposed to enough of that stuff to hurt him especially as TCE is often stabilized with MEK, methyl ethyl ketone, both together being used as degreasers and both being godawful toxic substances.
He’s started the Aricept, and good God, is my heart torn. He’s not feeling a diminution of his dementia symptoms, but he is feeling insight, for the first time in months, into his disease, and it was all I could to stay present with him, and not feed my grief into the conversation, because he’s got enough of his own. I loved him so much – no one can ever know how I felt about him, especially after the kids arrived – and now I have to choke it down to be his friend. He is feeling disoriented and (after I gave him plenty of silence to compose his thoughts) he said he’s finding it harder and harder to follow conversations. His ready smile is gone. He’s still got a sense of humour and deploys it, 95% of the time with kind accuracy, but you really have to listen because his voice is starting to whisper and the Parkinsons makes his face a mask.
He walks around the seniors residence twice a day. He wishes he had a microwave so he could make himself breakfast, oatmeal is what he wants, but he faithfully turns up for their excellent meals. We’ll try to deal with it this week.
He ran a couple of errands by himself yesterday – I could have gone with him but I stayed in the car or ran other errands – successfully, and walked as much he could in the park. I was having a hard time because I can’t dawdle, I have to walk with purpose or everything hurts. And he’s slower than he’s ever been so I am less inclined to walk with him because I’m practically keeling over if I have to move that slow.
We saw a yard long valley garter snake, just shed its skin from the incredible glossy scales, sunning next to the bridge, paces from where I saw the vole. I also got to watch a heron scratching itself on the neck for TWENTY SECONDS. Much relaxation and feather shuffling afterwards – that was viewed from the observation deck on the river. Paul got to see it too.
And he got lost and turned around on the way back. And he didn’t recognize me until I got within about five metres. It’s not a cruel disease process because diseases just are, in our DNA or in our response to our environment, but it impacts like torture for the sufferers. Fifteen minutes later he managed a bathroom visit and two errands by himself. I want him to be as independent as possible but Christ I worry.
This is a hundred million yo crab in amber.
mOm please share with Laurel !!
Mother Dear Mother
I cannot find the slender black binder which contains the ‘Tales of Grampa”. Please either send it to me in printed or electronic form, or acknowledge that everyone else involved but Grampa is dead now and publish it for the world to see, because Tales of Grampa is one of the best things our family ever wrote.
Alex is the right age now, I NEED THAT BOOK.
Okay technically it’s not required for my physical survival but gloryoski I shore would plumb like that.
Spent a LONG time at Lougheed Mall yesterday with Keith as he acquired a new phone. If -and this is a big if – I need a cell phone I’ll go to Walmart for the flip phone and go to the Bell kiosk for the sim card and activation. Keith also acquired a shower curtain and some other items for his dad and I fed him at Cazba. Lovely food but takes forever. I spent so much time waiting for him that I put together a 125 item generalized list. I also picked up a beautiful new pen – Oomomo has wonderful Japanese pens – and some mini whiteboards with markers – and a pack of Pocky. Managed to stay away from Cobs Bread and the Purdy’s Chocolate. The mall keeps changing stores and it can be quite disorienting.
Keith desperately needs to get some work done on his car, it’s not starting very well. Honestly thought we might be ‘stranded’ (it’s one bus ride home, la).
Had an unbelievably frustrating conversation with him about creativity. He spends all his time worrying about not writing instead of digging in to understanding his creative process and finding tools to support it. I mean, I only found Scrivener a decade ago and before that I didn’t have an app which supports my creative writing the way I need it done. He’s always so infuriatingly vague when he talks about anything personal so after five minutes of flailing, I shut up, assuming he was finding my ‘solutionizing’ patronizing and demoralizing and candidly useless. You know, like the ‘just cheer up’ advice you get from someone who doesn’t understand depression and anxiety and finds your gloominess rude, antisocial and disrespectful.
I checked someone’s name on line after they advertised their cleaning and organizing services on Next Door and they are…. let’s just say whoever the hell she really is, someone with her exact and unusual name has a set of resumes on line which…. er …. don’t line up. They can’t all be right, but they for sure can all be wrong…. so I’m just going to skip over that part where I pay for her advice.
The red canoe is gone out of the back yard, thank you Jeff for making that possible.
I’ve gotten wordle in three tries three days running, I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. There’s been a run of words with ‘B’ in them though, I don’t think that’s unrelated.
Ah, that coffee. Milk and sugar. So good.
And in spite of it, do you know what my bp was this am? 117 over 79. That is absolutely perfect blood pressure and that’s 1.5 hours before my meds so you can understand why I feel a bit weird for an hour after I take them. (But it doesn’t stop me from doing things, I just take it easy.)
I owe Dave a phone call, hopefully it will migrate from my list to reality sometime today.
Zibethicus changed the logo on twitter. Long time nesters there are saying things like ‘EVERYTIME I SEE THAT X INSTEAD OF THE BLUE BIRD IT REMINDS ME TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE’ Yes Elon, you dun fuct up
I’ve written 773 words over the last two days on TB.
I really wish my energy level wasn’t so variable; but that I guess is the single biggest reason I can’t work full time any more. Plus I’m actually listening to my body and peeing at first recognition that my bladder is full rather than waiting until explosive decompression is imminent.
My pOp said something HILARIOUS to me on the phone yesterday, so I am saluting him this morning WITHOUT repeating what was said. Thank you kind sir, I have been chuckling occasionally ever since. He’ll read this and think, “What is she going on about?” and that too is part of the humour.
I miss Ryker, I need to see that boy.
(with a Latin beat, (alas I could not determine which one, but I will eventually) sung by a single voice with guitar, trumpet and percussion accompaniment, and descriptively it’s the ‘Dah dit dit dit Dah dit dit dit’ rhythm, whatever the hell that is)
This song is, quite obviously, dedicated to the memory of John Caspell.
The moon is high and bright
It sheds a ghostly blight
Upon a battlefield
With chilling points of light
The little things we like to do
Will make us ever close and true
Oh how I bless the moon
For I will soon
go looting corpses with you.
Their boys put up a fight
You know it don’t seem right
But we survived the fray
And now sneak out at night
The CO will find fools to scold
until he sees that shiny gold
Oh how I bless the moon
For I will soon
go looting corpses with you.
I hardly ever talk about the Rivett / Stark side of the family, but here is Cousin Gerald and his wife Diane, & following the traditions of the sepia toned time they’re cosplaying in, NO SMILING!!!
