Today’s the anniversary of the day I told Paul I was calling it quits. I phoned Tammy a year ago today and told her I wanted to kill myself. (I did, too, despite being told that I was being manipulative.) Instead of freaking out, she listened; at the end of about half an hour, she said, in a tone of voice that I recollect when I think I’m friendless (her tone being solemn, helpful and engaged) “You don’t want to kill yourself. You want a divorce.”
Now I am sure that there a couple of people out there who wish I had offed myself, but frankly I’m glad I didn’t, as a couple of things have happened since that I am glad I lived through.
So today, I’d just like to say a couple of things. The person sitting next to you may look fine and want to die. Go easy on people; you don’t know what griefs they are carrying that you really wish you’d known about in advance. In the rush to judgment do not trample compassion.
The other thing I want to say is that over the span of the last year, a lot of people I thought I knew have revealed their true colours to me. A lot of people I respect have earned more of my respect. A lot of people I like have become more likeable. And a number of people I thought I hated have turned out to be poor, suffering bastards deserving of love and compassion and kindness. I can’t make them like me – such is not within my power – but I have stopped hating, and that’s a really good place to find myself a year onwards.
Oh, and I think I’ve found somebody to date. He’s very private and a bit of a Luddite, so I am mentioning his existence only as passing news, as he will not otherwise be turning up in my blog. But anybody who’s into contradancing can’t be all bad, right Chipper?