lost my mind

obviously someone stayed up ALL NIGHT reading my fics. Well, there are more to come so that’s nice.

 

 

I tried to help Paul with something yesterday and all I managed to do was upset him, Jeff, and myself, and Katie called to ask what the hell happened, and I feel SO USELESS AND CLUELESS but Lois is here and I hope it all gets straightened out. I lost my cheese and someone who’s blameless suffered.  I am assuming it will all get straightened out but I imagine both my kids think I’m an asshole right now. I did apologize most fervently to Paul but it was probably too little too late.

 

I was feeling very sorry for myself and then I found out that some kind whistleblower just dumped 100 Gb of Tesla crash data. My response. Yes it’s supposed to be disturbing.

it’s been an age since I got a comment

This is everything to me. My attention to detail got someone’s attention. I MUST SPEAK TRUTH ABOUT DETROIT IRON OR RECEIVE THE DISAPPROBATION OF MY FATHER.

Ain’t lyin….

 

I loved so much about this story, but the thing I held closest to my heart was: Finally! Someone who realizes you couldn’t get air conditioning or a tape deck stock in a 67 impala.

Lovely walk with Paul yesterday, followed by distributing treats from Cobbs Bread and some sorting of his clothes. He asked me to help with the family photographs and then refused to let me help…. it was weird but okay. Ryker was A FREAKING MESS I am pretty sure he has allergies, he ran like a snottap the entire time I was there, and was seconds from crying the entire time, but I did interact with him when he wasn’t crying and stopped him from hucking his slippers downstairs.

How did I have a lovely walk with Paul? I didn’t talk, except to respond to him kindly and truthfully. And we sat and listened to birdsong for a good half hour, in companionable silence. I didn’t give him much help with sorting but it was some.

Brain is not good this morning. Wordle in 3. Scotoma dragons for an hour.

The Guyanese-descent gent I follow on twitter said something about how if you think brown people can’t be racist you haven’t met his extended family. SO I COMMENTED. Perhaps I should not have.  (mOm remember how I have Richie IMMEDIATELY comment sotto voce as to the ethnicity of a Black man he meets – including how long he’s been in Canada? when I was living in Toronto with my first husband it AMAZED ME how many Black people I met had very distinct and not always pleasant or pleasantly phrased opinions about where other people from the Terrible African Enslavement Diaspora were from and what kinds of personal behaviour, style of dress etc. we could expect from them…. stuff that made my little white middle class mind EXPLOOOOOODE) So my response to my Guyanese twitter ami was that of course brown people can be racist! BUT THEY WON’T BE WITHOUT COLONIALISM. The very distinct layercake of Guyanese life with the Amerindians (their term not mine, it’s racist TWO DIFFERENT WAYS and of course they should be spoken of by Indigenous nationality, language or cultural bonds) at the bottom and the descendants of the Black enslaved persons next up and then the Desi and Desi-blend folks (white people exist as tourists in Guyana, less than .5% are white AND THE CHINESE PEOPLE ARE LUMPED IN DEMOGRAPHICALLY WITH THE WHITE PEOPLE, CHEW ON THAT FOR A WHILE (I mean imagine it in Vancouver LOLOL)) resulted specifically from slavery and importation of guest workers and the distinct modern assignment of racial opprobrium flows from that.

As for Guyanese people, in my observations of the Caribbean hierarchy they: “Think they’re better than everyone else because they cling to decades-rotten colonial forms and ceremonies, drink way too much, fucking suck at cricket, and dress like bums.” Get a Bahamian to comment on Jamaicans some time, it’s like dropping Mentos in a Coke bottle. Believe it or not apart from the drinking too much I’ve heard all of these (re Guyanese) comments in person, and the drinking comment is based on the demonstrable fact that Guyana and Suriname (its neighbour and colonial sibling thanks to the Dutch) have much higher alcoholism and binge drinking rates than any of the closest Caribbean countries, and the alcoholism is supported by the unbelievably cheap and plentiful rum from the sugar cane plantations …. that came with colonialism. So no matter which end of the drunkard’s walk that is my approach to ranting you grab WE ARE GOING TO END UP AT COLONIALISM.

If asked to comment as to why 35 percent of Russian men have a drinking problem – the worst stat on earth for alcohol currently – I think I’m going to splay my hands and smile. Traumatized people self-medicate, amiright. Also, to be entirely fair, Canada’s alcoholism rate is higher – by 3 % – than Guyana’s. Just Saying. Also if you want an example of sexual dimorphism, the difference in the alcoholism rate in Russia between men and women is so huge it looks like a typo. Source worldpopulationreview

pollen so bad

My eyes are not actually dry but they are very gummy. My nasopharyngeal parts are gummy too. I’m not coughing but my chest feels tight. (AQI good pollen counts moderate)

Tried Fatburger yesterday. White Spot is superior in virtually all ways, and not that much more expensive.

I miss my grandsons. Spoke to Keith yesterday. No word on whether Janice has left.

Watched John Wick Chapter 4. The clunkiness of the script poses a bit of a challenge but the fight scenes were exactly the way I like them and Donnie Yen was fucking perfect as always. (I mean how do you get typecast as a blind martial artist??? by being fucking good at it.) IT’S A COMMITMENT it’s like 3 hours long. All action movies should be ninety minutes or so. It is a law. Unobserved, sadly.

I am continuing to practice la la la on the ukulele. My brain appears to work okay today.

I am continuing to wrestle with edits on TB. The last pass was to make sure that every word of every line of dialogue in the first part is a) to the education level b) in character c) germane d) unmagical (ie there is a plausible way the character could know it to say it). I suppose editing dialogue without cementing the plot bunnies in place is useless & pointless (deck chairs, Titanic, Augean stables, etc.) but still I endeavour to persevere in the worst way possible – which was standing up in a hammock last time I checked.

Elon Musk is going to turn Ron DeKrampus loose on twitter in an effort to help him get elected.

I don’t get these people, but I guess I don’t have to.

For the first time, Russian nationals fighting for Ukraine have made incursions and captured enemy weapons and tanks inside the Russian border. What impact that will have to escalate the war is anyone’s guess.

 

 

running

That would be my nose that’s running. Every scotch broom bush in the lower mainland is blooming and the pollen is piling up in minuscule yellow banks everywhere. I sneeze, I run, I blow, I sneeze.

Saw Mike yesterday. He took me to a U2 concert (checks notes, oops he already took me to a U2 concert) a U3 concert, plus the wonderful teachings afterwards. (There was a workshop, and I learned more about strumming in fifteen minutes than in my previous lifetime so that was fun.)

It would have been lovely except that Mike is now convinced that he was subjected to racial profiling while he attended (for being egregiously Chinese with long hair, apparently) and is asking me to think about whether or not this is true.

Since I’ve never been racially profiled that I know of, and do not feel the almost hourly social sting of racism, I would like to plead the following.

I am autistic. I was put in a room of gabbling white people, 4% of whom where wearing masks (NIOSH N95’s WERE GIVEN OUT) in which the noise level was as you can imagine from a very very very live room full of people trying to order cider and admire ukulele setups. Asking me to notice a racial aggression when I am just fucking sitting there trying to autistic mask when I want to flee to the bathroom and stay there until all the people stop gabbling is a legit request but awkward white ha ha, no.

If someone of colour believes they’ve been subjected to that it’s my job as a friend to fucking believe them and centre their experience, not mine. If he says it happened it did. Whether I was off in my own little world at the time…. I mean, I WAS off in my own little world.

Work for Mike right now is absolutely horrific in ways that need not concern this blog except for that. He and I did not enjoy the trek out to the concert venue and back – the traffic was gross given it was a holiday Monday – but we did enjoy the beautiful setting at Labarge Lake.

He got his ticket checked twice after getting ignored by the ticket taker. I watched it happen, and my interpretation was not as negative as his.

I’m going to leave it at that. My ability to ignore things is very high.

xxx

 

damnation

Well I found another ghastly technical problem with the mss and I’m feeling like really not thinking about it right now, so may I recommend the 30 year old Studio Ghibli masterwork “Pom Poko” (literal title translation = Heisei-era Raccoon Dog War Ponpoko) which is an animated fantasy as a way of directing attention away from my creative solecisms.

One of my fave brotherkins on twitter @aPebbleintheSky a Swedish manbear anarchist recommended the film as among his favourites, and I can understand why.

  1. Japanese folklore is the primary aesthetic driver. Specifically folklore about Tanukis. (Raccoon dogs.)
  2. Testicles ARE A PLOT DEVICE. LOTS OF THEM. It is gobsmacking. They can be transformed into other things, like parachutes and smothering weights
  3. It is a primer on running an anarchist revolution, right down to how everyone runs away from the problems after setbacks and how MUSIC ART AND DANCING ARE INTEGRAL TO THE REVOLUTION god this was so amazing to watch
  4. There is a strong element of #LandBack
  5. Almost half of the film is narrated so you at least have a fighting chance of figuring out what’s going on.
  6. The gay fox is one of the most hilarious animated characters I’ve ever seen.

It won’t be to everyone’s taste but I adored it.

No church yesterday. Dishwasher’s running, and when it’s done I’ll run a load of laundry or two.

more rewrites more rewrites

There is no cell service in southern Guyana so I’m going to have to rewrite any reference to cell phones in TB. Goldingit. I think I should prob’ly check some other stuff too.

Was invited to join Keith for church this morning. I may go, haven’t made up my mind. Paul’s unlikely to go because his s/o Janice is in town. Katie’s gone camping with Dax and the boys.

 

 

a little sad but also relieved

I note that our trip to Victoria this weekend is not going to happen, and I’m sad, but the hours of waiting with two bored children have been avoided, and that makes me relieved. Seeing on twitter that early morning vessels are cancelled due to crew shortages just adds to the feeling of horror escaped.

Saw The Artifice Girl yesterday. It has issues (the way auteur movies often do – Franklin Ritch wrote, directed, edited and starred in it) but as a full-court practical, emotional and philosophical examination of AI it works very hard and delivers its message with verve and precision.

Tatum Matthews as the title character, ‘Cherry’, is absolutely pitch-perfect. If you’re looking for an action fest, this is the exact opposite, it’s a very talky movie. SF movies like this are uncommon and should be seen. It’s also a feminist film, in unsettling ways. Combatting child sexual exploitation and trafficking is everyone’s business and the idea of making it an AI’s business and that it represents a moral hazard to the AI (in the film) is brilliant in my view.

Anyway, it accomplishes its goals and I’ll be thinking of a couple of scenes a lot over the next few days.

 

Hey mOm another character has entered the frame on TB. Her name is Lucie and she’s Omar’s step-niece. You’ll meet her in a couple of months I imagine.

well lookitthat

From VanUkes:

 

  • Mike’s fantastic instrumental version of Toto’s “Africa”, accompanied by Allan on percussion;
  • Lynn and John, past VanUkers, now visiting from the Ukulele Club of Winnipeg, who borrowed a second uke in order to play “Nights in White Satin” by The Moody Blues and then lead us in “Willie and the Hand Jive” by Bo Diddley. They also invited anyone visiting Winnipeg to drop by the club for a visit – you can check out their Facebook page here.
  • Jeff’s rendition of Joel Plaskett’s “Campfire Song”;
  • Tara’s first-time-in-person VanUkes performance, “leading lite” and teaching us Harry Belafonte’s 2-chord classic “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)”;
  • Allegra’s VanUkes debut with her snarky blues-and-kazoo song “And Then He Done Her Wrong”;
  • and Boaz’s reprise of the instrumental from the Barenaked Ladies’ “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings”, which he also led earlier in the evening.

a thot

I think one of the single biggest differences between the way cis boys and girls are socialized is that boys are not forced to become competent in activities they do not enjoy and girls are. The removal of agency from girls as they are trained into domestic servitude is quite consistent.

Unusual

So I did my Lumosity and after weeks of very shitty results I got this today: – the trophy cups represent best score ever…. Familiar Faces is a wickedly difficult game and I’ve been stuck on a level for about 8 months now so that was a real relief! Of course it’s the math game I huffed. Sigh.  So there you have it, my brain is working better.

I’m wearing on of John’s tshirts because I miss him so much these days.

Paul has visited another facility and likes it better. We’ll learn soon which is going to get his business. Either way it’s close to where I am currently living.

The second biggest hunting spider I’ve ever seen was in the upstairs bathroom sink this morning. I didn’t turn the light on so I didn’t notice him (claspers) until I went to wash my hands and there’s a SHELOB shape so I had to press pause while I got him safely out on the deck.

Kudo on a story last night. Mebbe 65 words yesterday on TB and a whole bunch of musical practice. Still haven’t put my laundry away but I’m not too worried. I’m too busy being inspired from Tuesday night.

Katie and I and the kids are supposed to go to Victoria this weekend but I don’t have the stomach for four sailing waits and there are no reservations available, coming or going… so I advised against. We’ll know later today.

hey mOm banners

The new summer banners going up on lightpoles in Victoria regarding gardens were done by someone I follow on facebook, Lou-ann Neel. So when you see them all cheerful like with hummingbirds and bumblebees in bright colours in coastal art style you can know that they were designed by an Indigenous artist and scholar.

nice low key day

Suzanne will be coming later.

SPOT PRAWNS IN STEVESTON I REPEAT SPOT PRAWNS IN STEVESTON

Jeff bought us chicken and ribs and salad for dinner and it was NOM.

I have to put my laundry away or my weeks of having a clean floor will be for nothing.

Practiced Uke already this morning. I may even write a song in D. Now that I know what it is. LOLOLOL.

Completely edited section 2 of TB EXCEPT FOR WHERE I BACKED myself into a story corner. I will fix, I have a handle on how. Removed so many adverbs it was like an infestation I tellink you.

Kaossilator settings. 90bpm, High C, G02, 4ths, P91. Start in lower left corner and push your finger around for some bass and drum cool tuneage.

-Later

90 bpm P90 4ths G08 High C – I’m going to call this one the Robots’ Rap Battle and I am having LA FONNE with it

Oppressive sky

brown to the horizon – supposed to lift tomorrow.

We tried to go for a brief walk and it was like holding your breath and trying to swim. For me, chest and head pain, which lightened but did not vanish when I got home.

Practiced and worked the Kaossilator for a while. Setting 75 continues to provide more mindless entertainment than you can imagine. Practiced Smokey, Otto, and Rowena. I have finally decided I’m going to call my most recent gifted uke Mahu (goldingit the diacritics don’t appear properly) (the word’s literally ‘in the middle’ which is the Hawaiian term for gay and gender non-conforming people). Appropriately I will call the first ukulele Kameamua which means ‘the first one’.

Still laughing to myself about singing Que Sera sera last night. I don’t know why I think it’s funny but –don’t I deserve to laugh.

a Vancouver moment

Mike got us dinner (Jeff got a chicken donair, I got a lamb donair – Halifax style, never had the sweet sauce before.) Then just before we went to the uke jam he got me a gelato and we ate them watching the street scene at Robson and Hamilton of a warm evening; it included a complete  buggering of traffic by what proved to be a false fire alarm, so I got to watch how fire trucks back up when they’re blocking traffic. Three fire trucks were called, plus a supervisor. <—-a Vancouver moment

Mike was NOT the only person of colour at the ukulele jam last night. <—a Vancouver moment

And he did something he’s never done before.

An open mike. I know, right? He’s been the soundtrack for fifty campfires and other people’s vacations and music nights for decades now, at least for me, but he’d never gotten up and played in a public venue.

He played a uke version of Toto’s ‘Africa’. (Jeff’s heard it.)

I played too, “And then he done her wrong.” So this involves me BLOWING three verses. THROUGH A KAZOO while playing uke as ominously as I can.  At the end of each verse I whip the kazoo out of my mouth and sing, “And then he done her wrong.” The last verse I do double time, so that the musicologists in the audience can realize that the last verse is to be played on the way back from la cimetière, N’Awleens style.  You can check with Mike if you think I’m fibbing, but I got half of a standing ovation at the end of it. I watched people springing out of their seats with my mouth hanging open and bowed back to them.

I wore Tom’s hat, that was mine, and I gave it to him, and Peggy gave it back after he died; that probably did it. Not my protean fucking talent nawssir.

I had a guy tell me that I was an ‘inspired’ kazoo player. This just means that Jeff, who sadly did not know about my kazoo leanings until after he moved in with me, has been gazing dubiously at his bathroom wall (the music room / spare room is on the other side) for more than a decade as I attempt to blow my brains out on the kazoo in ever wilder attempts to control what the damned thing does (I’m especially fond of imitating electric guitar lines.) As far as I can tell I stayed on key. Please spare a thought to Jeff, who has suffered.

All lyrics and chords for the jams were on the screen and THEY HAD A BAND percussion and bass!! to accompany them. A broad range of music from the last century, including Beatles (the song suite from Sgt Pepper) to Dua Lipa (‘Levitating’) was covered. Most professional. I got overwhelmed about 45 minutes in and I could either sing or play, not both, and they were using chords that no Christian would intend, so that’s what I did, put the uke down, and I didn’t try anything on any song I wasn’t familiar with. Even songs with three easy chords were tricksy because of the strumming patterns. It was a brain challenge for me for SURE.

So that all happened. I am so proud of Mike getting up there and blowing everybody away! His anxiety is such that he can conjure up being booed off stage (there was no stage, it was a function room in an absolutely right downtown high school, across from the Fringe NY headquarters LOL the VPL) and I noticed that he shook almost all the way through but he was superlative. (Told him afterwards that he stood with bent knees as if he was expecting to get assaulted, which OF COURSE NO ONE DID) https://vanukes.ca/ is the site name, but be warned they are broke and it might stop happening. <— this too goddamnit is a Vancouver moment

wordle in 2 this morning

Bit of writing yesterday.